Blaming others as a strategy

Blaming others is a resource that children frequently resort to. Their cognitive and moral development prevents them from understanding the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and they rather choose to avoid punishment when they know they have acted wrong. However, There are also many adults who continue to show this type of behavior in different situations.

Blaming others becomes first a habit and then a strategy, in people who have a high degree of narcissism or lack of autonomy. This behavior represents a stagnation in the evolution of emotions and values. Whoever acts in this way suffers and also makes those around them suffer.

The most common thing is that behind this pattern of blaming others there is fear repressed anger and sadness. And as long as healthier strategies are not chosen in relationships with others, such feelings will remain and even become more intense. For this reason, it is not an effective strategy, but, on the contrary, it multiplies the difficulties.

Reasons to blame others

Broadly speaking, there are two big reasons why some people choose to blame others as a conflict coping strategy.

The first is narcissism and the second the lack of autonomy. We may think that these two aspects are exclusive, but this is not the case. In fact, it is very common for them to go together.

It is very common for a person to develop excessive narcissism as compensation for a feeling of inferiority.. There is a paradox there. The person believes that he or she should be loved or recognized, but does not do what is necessary to achieve that love or recognition. Despite this, it bothers him that he doesn’t get it. He finally decides to blame others for everything he doesn’t achieve.

The second reason why this strategy is used is due to lack of autonomy. As happens in the child, there is a lot of dependence on authority and fear of punishment . Then we blame others to avoid this bad time, but doing so increases dependency and prevents the development of a sense of responsibility.

What is gained by blaming others?

The behavior of blaming others generates some apparent profits. The first of them, that the ego remains intact. By making a mistake and recognizing it, you implicitly declare that you are imperfect and, therefore, that you are not always right. When there is no humility, this is a wound that some egos cannot tolerate.

The difficulty in accepting mistakes is not the result of excessive self-love, but of great insecurity.. Some people think that making a mistake diminishes their worth, or calls into question their abilities or merits. If, on the other hand, there is security in what one is, an error or mistake is seen as normal and is approached as a source of learning.

Other times You choose to blame others because in this way you evade the consequences of your actions and do not pay the price for the error itself.. It is a childish way of avoiding both responsibility and the feeling of guilt. Whoever acts like this hides from himself and loses the opportunity to learn from mistakes, become stronger and grow.

What is lost with this strategy

Those who systematically blame others for their mistakes, their sufferings and their shortcomings, cause harm to themselves and others. The first thing it achieves is to detract from the authenticity and openness of relationships.. In these conditions it is very difficult to build healthy bonds, but, on the contrary, what is promoted are toxic relationships.

One of the aspects that give the most value to life is precisely build genuine bonds of intimacy with other people. These provide security, strengthen identity and nourish courage.. Links that are artificial or marked by manipulation only generate the feeling of being more alone in the face of a more threatening world.

On the other hand, whoever renounces assuming their responsibilities also renounces growing., while preventing himself from learning from mistakes. This stagnation ends up influencing emotions and distorts the perception of reality. Ultimately it only ends up fueling a paranoid and harmful posture.

The antidote to this tendency to blame others is humility. Contrary to what many believe, learning to take responsibility for the consequences of one’s own actions, mistakes and mistakes is something that does not weaken, but rather strengthens and promotes individual evolution.

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