How to assert yourself before others?

Social relationships have an enormous influence on our well-being. Every day we interact with friends, family, bosses, co-workers, strangers… and all these interactions have an influence on our mood. Thus, Those who have difficulty asserting themselves in front of others can suffer damage to their self-esteem and derive more suffering than gratification from their relationships with others.

Ideally we should all be respectful, empathetic and kind to those around us. No person deserves to be belittled, ignored, or emotionally hurt. However, There is no doubt that our attitude influences the treatment we receive from others.; and that, therefore, it is our responsibility to protect ourselves from comments or acts of others that may be harmful. But how can we defend those limits that no one should cross?

Two wrong positions

There are two typical attitudes that are usually used to assert themselves in front of others, but that do not give the expected result. The first of them is to adopt an aggressive and hurtful attitude, confusing respect with fear.. Treating other people this way may prevent them from taking advantage of you, but it will ultimately cause relationship conflict and discomfort for both parties.

On the other hand, There are those who try to increase their value in the eyes of others by seeking to please the wishes and requests of others. It is true that altruistic people willing to help are valued positively; However, there is an important difference between giving voluntarily or giving to avoid being rejected. In the second case, there is a risk that others will not value you for who you are, but for what you can contribute to them.

9 Keys to assert yourself before others

So, if neither of the two positions are suitable, How can we assert ourselves before others? Below we show you some guidelines.

1. Increase your self-confidence

It is difficult for you to be able to assert yourself in front of others if you are not first aware of your worth. Low self-esteem and insecurity often lead to allowing abusive treatment or constantly trying to please. the others.

An increase in self-confidence allows one to be firm in interactions, also reflected in more appropriate non-verbal language (for example, a more upright posture, a higher tone of voice or better eye contact).

2. Set limits

Although the ideal would be for us all to be treated with respect and kindness, the reality is that It is we ourselves who show others how to treat us. Thus, it is essential to establish limits and ensure that they are met.

For example, you may decide that it is unacceptable for another person to raise their voice at you or make hurtful or mocking comments about you. Then, You have to let them know assertively and withdraw from that relationship if necessary in order to not allow these behaviors..

3. Give yourself value

If you want other people to value and respect you, you have to start acting that way. This means prioritizing yourself, taking care of yourself and respecting yourself in your daily life. For example, If you consider yourself valuable, you will try to offer yourself good relationships, good habits and healthy routines, You will take care of the information you consume and the activities in which you invest your time.

When you become your priority, others can perceive it and your relationships are more likely to align with that new conception you have of yourself. In this way, only those who treat you with the same respect and consideration that you offer yourself will remain in your life.

4.Work on assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to express our feelings, opinions and needs clearly and honestly, without falling into aggressiveness or passivity; respecting others but, above all, respecting our own needs.

An important factor is to take into account that There is nothing wrong if our ideas or opinions do not coincide with those of others.; In fact, it is completely normal.

5. Don’t try to make everyone like you

It is well known that it is impossible for everyone to like you. However, many people, especially those with low self-esteem, They have an impetuous need to be liked by everyone; Because only then do they feel validated and recognized.

Unfortunately, this claim brings nothing but frustration.. Since, behind the fact of being too accommodating, the real trap is hidden: the expectation of something in return (recognition or affection) and the person rarely receives it in this way.

6. Think what you say, say what you think

As we already said, it is important that we know how to communicate our desires, opinions, feelings, etc. However, There are times when we have to stop and think about what we are going to say.whether to choose the right words, to be more objective, to put emotions aside, etc.

This is in order not to be hurtful or say things that we may later regret.. In the long run, this practice will convey to others that we are consistent and true to our word.

7. Project confidence in yourself

Our body language says much more than a thousand words. Therefore, it is important that Our gestures and non-verbal expressions convey security and confidence in ourselves.. Some keys to achieve this are:

Maintain eye contact with our interlocutorss.Relax the muscles and make the arms move freely while we talk.Back and head upright.Maintain a moderate tone of voice and appropriate to the context.

As you modify these expressions, your personality will also adapt to your body language, making you feel more confident.

8. Learn from respectable people

Taking respectable people as a reference can be of great help. In this case, you can analyze how they express themselves, what habits they have, what strategies they applied to get to where they are, etc. and include them in your process.

The ideal is that you take as a model people who project what you want to be.

9. Avoid losing your temper

Asserting yourself before others does not mean being aggressive and feared by others, we already said it at the beginning. Therefore, It is important that we learn to channel our emotions in the best way possible to avoid disrespecting the other.

However, this does not mean that we remain silent or repress what we feel, but rather that we let’s apply effective strategies to process our emotional states without harming others or ourselves.

The relationship between asserting yourself and feeling good

At first it may seem that it is the fact that others accept us and recognize us that can bring us happiness and well-being. However, the relationship works in reverse. Value always comes from within and is then reflected outside; not the opposite.

Thus, The main thing is to start feeling good about yourself, to empower yourself and strengthen your self-concept.. From this place, attitude and behaviors are automatically modified and it is these changes that generate a transformation of relationships with others. Start by working for you.

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