Attention in the education of twin children

For future parents, the news that the pregnancy is multiple usually arouses conflicting feelings alternating joy and victory with doubt and rejection. This is absolutely normal. If a single child profoundly changes the couple’s life, let alone twins or triplets. “Questioning the arrival of two or more children at once is as inevitable as it is painful and can generate a lot of guilt and irritation”, says psychologist Julieta Quayle, from São Paulo.

Do you think we’ll make it? Will we be able to give them the same attention we would give just one child? Will having to share everything harm the development of children? Worry, fear and insecurity about future performance as parents, which generates more anxiety.

To get around this feeling that affects almost all couples in this situation, experts make a recommendation: recognize and respect the individuality of children. Thinking that children are the same person simply because they were born on the same day or because they are physically identical is a myth still present in the collective unconscious. “However, Italian studies based on ultrasounds of pregnant women with twins showed that, even inside the uterus, the fetuses behaved differently”, says Julieta Quayle.

extra dose of sensitivity

It is true that nowadays parents and educators no longer give in so easily to the temptation of putting children in the same clothes or making them attend the same class at school. Even so, it is common for society – namely family and friends – to try to point out similarities that do not exist. They do this by comparing the performance of their brothers and demanding the same results from them in their achievements.

This habit is extremely harmful to development, because it does not allow one to perceive the difficulties and limits of each one. “It’s as if the adult annulled the creative potential of those children, cutting off their ability to grow and make their own discoveries. In other words, it is the undervaluation of their skills”, says child psychotherapist Ana Cristina Ribeiro Alves, from Florianópolis.

Calming the Disputes

Siblings naturally have a habit of vying for their parents’ love and affection. With twins, who have already shared the same “house” throughout the pregnancy, this is even more evident. Facing the situation in a natural way, avoiding accentuating a possible rivalry, is the best way to keep the bond between parents and children healthy. At times, it is advisable to interfere so as not to encourage disputes. As? From childhood, parents should make clear, with words and attitudes, their ability to divide their time and attention. One suggestion is to create moments of individual coexistence. The couple separates from time to time and both the father and the mother dedicate a whole day or even a weekend to just one of the children. It is a good opportunity to indulge each child and demonstrate the pleasure you feel in being in their company.