Assertive techniques for conflict resolution

There are many occasions when communication does not flow as we would have liked. Misunderstandings and conflicts occur that cloud relationships, giving way to frustration. In this context, Assertive techniques are simple procedures that help us protect our rights and not harm those of others..

Knowing and practicing these simple techniques will make them part of our natural repertoire of responses.. At first, surely, the use of them will seem somewhat artificial, but this sensation, as we say, will fade with practice.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a communication style in which the person is able to express their desires, needs and opinions without harming the interlocutor. We can understand it better if we take into account that there are three basic types of communication:

Passive: in this case the person is unable to express their opinions or defend their rights. He does not usually show disagreement for fear of generating a confrontation. Their high need to please often leads them to feel manipulated and misunderstood by others.Aggressive: At the opposite pole we find people who address others in an imperative way and without showing interest in their point of view. They try to impose their criteria and often use intimidation, accusations or anger.Assertive: This style of communication is the most appropriate and is characterized by the ability to disagree and express one’s own opinions while respecting the point of view of others. It is typical of a person with good self-esteem and results in a satisfactory interaction for both.

Assertive techniques for conflict resolution

Far from being an abstract concept, assertiveness can and should be applied in the practice of our relationship with others. For it There is a basic sequence that we can use when we want to address a conflictive situation.:

Start by relating concrete facts, rather than generalities.. Instead of saying, “You never spend time with me anymore,” he tries saying, “In the last few weeks we’ve only seen each other twice.”Express how the situation makes you feel, instead of recriminating or labeling the other person.. Saying “this makes me feel sad” is more appropriate than saying “you are selfish.”Make a proposal in concrete terms. For example: “I wish we could choose one day a week to see each other.”Explain how that would improve the situation.. “This way we could spend more time together and we would stop arguing.”

scratched record technique

It consists of repeating your statement over and over againin a calm tone and without going into provocations.

Assertive techniques: the fog bank

This technique is used when the other person criticizes or advises us with a single and perverse intention, that of manipulating us.

In this case, We will partially agree with our interlocutor, but leaving the final decision in our hands.

Assertive agreement technique

In this situation We will accept the wrongness of our behavior, but not of our person. That is, we will get rid of the label that the other tries to impose on us, despite accepting our failure.

Ignore technique

This technique is usually used when the other person is excessively upset or angry. It is about ignoring the reason for the discussion and postponing it until another more suitable time.

These are just some examples of the many techniques that exist to implement assertiveness in our lives.

As we see, The key is to maintain a calm, calm and respectful tone, avoiding provocations but defending our point of view.. With practice, assertiveness can become our best ally when communicating.

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