And when the mother-in-law is the problem?

Who isn’t afraid of a troubled mother-in-law? From the first months of dating you can already have an idea if the mother in law is dear or is it going to give you a headache for the rest of the days of your relationship with her son. Fortunately, it is possible to detect early if she has attitudes that indicate that she will cause you problems in the future and you will learn below how to identify this much feared type of mother-in-law.

One of the signs she can give you that she’s going to be a problem for you is when she doesn’t give you the space you need. If she is always with you, doesn’t leave you alone, doesn’t let you travel without her, is always infiltrating the couple’s affairs, this is a strong indication that in the future she will be deciding the color of the sofa in your living room. Each one should have her space, just as you shouldn’t invade hers, she shouldn’t invade yours either. If that happens, keep an eye out.

Another sign that your relationship may become complicated because of your mother-in-law is the dependency between mother and child. If he depends on her for everything or if she depends on him for everything, you can get in trouble at some point. Unfortunately, for some mothers, it is difficult to admit that the child is already independent and has wills of his own, so they maintain a relationship with him as if he were still a child. If he notices this and does nothing, the problem will extend into the future.

Still, if the mother demonstrates a strong dependence on him for everything, treating him as if he were almost a husband, the problem can be even greater. This type of relationship is very common in families where the mother is alone, because she is single or widowed. In such cases, one should seek advice from a psychologist because the situation may have developed into a pathological condition.

Some mothers also try to keep their children close (and daughters-in-law away) by making some sort of drama, like the popular “you never come to see me”, “you don’t care about me anymore”. When this becomes even stronger, the mother-in-law can even end up creating conditions such as diseases that she doesn’t have to get her son’s attention. Again, it’s up to him to take a stand and show her that he loves her and that she doesn’t have to do this kind of drama to get her attention.

if your mother-in-law is very jealous it is possible that this will get worse over time. Although the relationships you two have with him are totally different, it’s very common for her to suffer from “leaving” him for you. This can cause a lot of jealousy tantrums, she may want to get a lot of attention and dispute his presence with you. If you’re not careful, he might end up wanting to move in with you at her house. Usually, jealousy and drama to get attention are related.

Another thing that can shake your relationship is idealization. If your mother-in-law idealizes you and considers you the best of them all, she probably won’t settle for any daughter-in-law – neither you nor anyone else will be good enough. She could end up turning him against you and suggesting that you don’t deserve him. Be aware if you suspect this could be happening.

Most of these problems can be avoided if he takes a stand. It’s no use wanting to change the mother-in-law’s attitudes through messages sent by your son, through indirect or games. Be the best daughter-in-law possible, but at the same time encourage your man to slowly cut back on the excessive and uncontrolled relationship his mother has with him. This doesn’t mean that he should cut off ties with her, but that their relationship should be healthy, without excessive dependency, jealousy, or drama.

Another problem is when mothers-in-law like that spoil their children too much. In this case, the problem is not her, but the child she raised – the person you are in a relationship with. Spoiled children will be spoiled husbands, spoiled boyfriends. They will want to sit in the living room while you cook and will still complain if the food is bad. And even worse: they will want you to cook like your mother. Want worse nightmare than this for a wife? If you don’t want to spend your life treating him like a “little son”, better get out of this soon.

As for the mother-in-law, if even if he takes action, the situation does not change, then the decision to continue the relationship or not will be in his hands. Think about whether it’s worth putting up with this situation or if the best option is to leave it. Whatever her decision, don’t force him to do anything and don’t disrespect or speak ill of his mother to him or anyone else, it would only make the situation worse and it’s not polite at all.