Anchor child, when parents emotionally tie a child

Children need freedom in their achievement of autonomy. Only in this way do they structure their identity, their own beliefs and their opinions and this allows them to walk the path to adult life. When parents emotionally attach a child, they become an obstacle for his development, transforming him into an anchor son.

There are parents who, from the very childhood of their children, begin to conceive their destinies based on their own needs. They anticipate the future and assign responsibilities that do not correspond to them. They see in their child a refuge from loneliness or a lifeline from the losses of old age. They may also expect one of them to take care of their siblings or to continue some kind of family tradition.

Some parents they believe that their emotional stability or economic depends on whether their children are living with them. These parents are victims of their own fears and insecurities and, by not overcoming them, they transmit them to their children, so that they stay with them. Most of them are not aware, but they still do a lot of damage.

The mandate in the anchor son

Parents resort to helpless phrases to manipulate their children. These transform over time into a mandate and a condemnation. This type of unhealthy relationship results in a contract that the anchor child usually fulfills.

With this, this son renounces your own plans. In many cases he sacrifices the possibility of starting his own family, of training in a certain place or of accepting a professional opportunity that is truly attractive to him. The plans that he seeks to make have to include parents: this becomes the fundamental requirement.

The mandate is to take responsibility for the well-being and happiness of your parents, regardless of the cost.. Children who assume this role must bear an enormous emotional burden and feel guilty just thinking about leading an independent life.

There are anchor children who continue to live in what was their parents’ home, “fulfilling” their assigned destiny, even when they no longer exist. In other cases, children go on to form their own families, but conflicts with their parents arising from this decision, make them retreat, divorce and return to live in the parental home.

Relevant consequences

Parents’ unresolved problems can spoil an entire generation of children and even extend beyond. It is quite likely that these parents were educated in the same way that they try to “train” their descendants today.

This form of emotional manipulation exercised by parents results in frustrated children with no greater expectations for life.. By using the anchor child as a kind of crutch, you are forcing him to forget about his own existence.

In this regard, children repress their needs and desires in favor of a supposed love. That affection is actually irrational and neurotic. In many cases, With the death of their parents these children will feel lost not knowing what to do with freedom and with his life.

A continued dependency

Generally, these types of situations can produce strong feelings of love-hate towards parents. In fact, in some cases this situation is a source of permanent altercations with constant complaints from both parties. When the relationship persists, it becomes unhealthy.

This mutual chain restricts the freedom of those involved and prevents the culmination of the most desired desires and goals. In addition, feeds insecurity and low self-esteem in the anchor child.

Thus, conceiving life as a continuous series of sacrifices based on a poorly understood concept of love has consequences. It can lead to serious problems in mental functioning, such as a phobia or obsessive-compulsive disorder..

Likewise, The guilt experienced when failing to comply with the mandate can degenerate into somatic illnesses or other types of disorders.. These have important repercussions on the affected person’s body, because the load they must endure exceeds their capabilities.

What to expect

It is important for children to have a positive attitude towards their parents, which does not mean that they have the right to determine their future.

What’s more, what we know today is that raising responsible and independent children has a positive impact on how they end up contributing to the well-being of their parents. In these cases, when a difficulty appears, the children will be attentive to collaborate to the extent of their possibilities. In addition, it is more complicated for a relationship breakup to occur.

In this same direction, in the end for most parents there is no greater satisfaction than seeing children supporting themselves. That they are happy with the life they have chosen, being very important in it because of the desire of those who one day saw them grow, allowed them to grow and encouraged them to grow.

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