Why do we find it difficult to express feelings?

Feelings are a fundamental part of the inner world of every human being. They help us interpret the world and understand ourselves. However, they do not constitute only an internal experience, they need to be shared with other people. When we are unable to express feelings, frustration and dissatisfaction appear on the horizon.

Why is it so difficult for us to talk about what we feel? The reasons are multiple and may have their origin in early experiences. However, If we find the source of our inability we can take action. It is never too late to learn to manage our feelings.

Did we learn to express feelings?

Often the reasons for our reluctance to express feelings date back to childhood. Our temperament influences the greater or lesser tendency to open ourselves emotionally. to others, but early life experiences also play a crucial role.

Growing up in a family that believes that showing feelings is a sign of weakness will lead us to repress them.. Children who received rejection or humiliation from their loved ones when expressing emotions learned not to do it again. Likewise, those who obtained indifference as an adult response to their emotions internalized that showing how they felt was useless.

To develop correct emotional management it is necessary to have adequate models. Conscious, loving and understanding parents are needed, willing to listen and guide the child in managing their feelings.

Why do we find it difficult to express feelings?

Beyond the origins of this situation, there are several reasons why, even as adults, we continue to be incapable of expressing feelings. We cannot relive our childhood in a different way, but we can address the causes that make the problem persist today.

Low self-esteem

Those who do not have a healthy self-esteem may feel that they do not have the right to express themselves or make complaints. They think that what they feel is not important and, therefore, they keep it to themselves. It is also possible that fear of abandonment prevents them from bringing their true emotions to light. Many times feelings are not expressed for fear that, by doing so, the other person will get upset and withdraw affection from them.

On the other hand, there are those people who do not express feelings as a mechanism to preserve a fragile self-esteem. When you live with a shell that hides a great fear of rejection, expressing emotions is too risky an exercise. Many people prefer to build a wall around their feelings that, while protecting them, also isolates them.

Lack of assertiveness

Expressing our feelings should be a rewarding and enriching experience through which we allow the other to understand us and act accordingly. However cWhen we don’t know how to express ourselves, it is common for us to choose to remain silent to avoid conflicts.

Perhaps in the past, by sharing our inner feelings we generated a dispute or misunderstanding. Surely the other’s response was not what we expected and faced with such a scenario we decided, from that moment on, to use evasion. and excuses instead of expressing the truth.

emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, understand and express feelings. Many people are unable to express what they feel, simply because they do not know it well.. They probably do not have a large and adequate vocabulary about emotions and it is really difficult for them to identify what feeling they are experiencing. Without this foundation, it is practically impossible to understand, manage and share our internal world with others.

Denial

Likewise, also There are people who cannot express what they feel because they try at all costs to hide or deny the existence of emotions such as sadness or anger. For these people, these types of emotional experiences are negative and should be suppressed rather than expressed, as this may reflect weakness or lack of self-control. These types of irrational beliefs make it difficult for some people to allow themselves to open up to others, express their frustration, or ask for help when they need it.

How to start expressing feelings?

Sharing our internal experiences is healthy and very necessary. Firstly to free ourselves and then to allow others to know what we feel and need from them. Therefore, if you suffer difficulties expressing your emotions and want to reverse this situation, get to work.

First of all, you need to work on your self-esteem. Once you love and accept yourself, you will not be afraid of anger or rejection from others.. Next try to expand your emotional vocabulary, acquire new words to express your feelings; Getting out of “I feel good” or “I feel bad” makes it much easier to communicate feelings.

Finally, adopt an assertive attitude when addressing others. Express your opinions, desires and needs freely and without fear, but without hurting or harming your interlocutor.. In this way we will avoid misunderstandings.

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