When relationships go cold: emotional distance

When relationships cool, the most reprehensible behaviors often emerge. There are those who, after emotional distance, give way to physical disappearance, to leaving without giving an explanation. There are also those who make use of false excuses, and those who refuse to accept the emptiness of the bond, that cold that comes with a relationship or friendship that is reaching its end.

Relationships like bones also break. However, most of these breakups or distances do not always occur abruptly and from one day to the next. Most of the time, endings are preceded by a subtle and progressive distancing.. The lack of complicity, the glances that are no longer sought and the laughter that no longer branch into the same things are usually the first clues.

Emotional distance always hurts and even more so if there is a part that continues to nurture and believe in said bond. However, it should be noted that often the other party also suffers by accumulating a certain sense of guilt or remorse. Be that as it may, in all these situations there is something that remains evident: our poor ability to manage endings.

An adequate resolution always facilitates progress towards that new stage. Otherwise, and even more so if we are forced to face the ghosting (being abandoned abruptly and without explanation) may take us a little longer to overcome this experience. However, we all have within us the appropriate resources to deal with these types of experiences.

When relationships go cold and we look for a reason

When relationships go cold there is always a reason behind it, even if we don’t like it. Heartbreak, lack of interest, new needs and interests, opposing views on certain things… When the flame of an emotional bond goes out, it always gives way to that dense and ambiguous gloom in which we don’t really know how to move.

Thus, in a study published by Charlene Belu and Brenda H. Lee, from the University of Cambridge, they point out that Few things are usually as complex for human beings as letting go of a relationship. Something that could be demonstrated in this work is that, often, we need to know or clarify well the reason for that ending, in order to rebuild our life.

If not, People do not hesitate to try to regain contact, to insist again and again, making the grieving process difficult. and the opportunity to end a stage to begin a new one with greater integrity. On the other hand, something that the researchers of this work were able to see are those less appropriate dynamics that we usually make use of when relationships cool down.

They are the following.

Negative ways to end a relationship

As we noted at the beginning, the most harmful and inappropriate dynamic to face the end of the relationship is to disappear without saying anything. He ghosting It is, today, a recurring practice that is experienced in both romantic and friendship relationships..

The fault is not yours, it is “mine”. With this well-known and frequently used phrase, we choose to free the other person from all (supposed) responsibility, to make use of excuses like “you deserve better”, “this is beyond me and I don’t think I’m giving you what you need”. All of this is a way of camouflaging simple evidence: that our interests are different, that we no longer love the other person.The broken iceberg. The iceberg resource is another of the most common strategies. It is simply about allowing the relationship to grow colder every day, denying evidence, dragging out until finally, that already frozen relationship ends up sinking and breaking on its own.

Emotional distance, that hard crossroads

When relationships cool down, they do not always reflect the prelude to an irremediable end. Something that should be clear is that emotional distance can lead us adrift for a time but, sometimes, if we are able to use appropriate strategies, the warmth and spark can return to that relationship (in case it deserves to be saved).

Something that seen very frequently in psychologists’ consultations are undoubtedly anxiety disorders and depression. These states directly affect the quality of social relationships. Thus, when a person goes through a period of abundant stress or discouragement, he usually does not have enough energy and drive to enjoy his own.

With all this we want to make something very simple evident. Emotional distance or those relationships that go cold can be treated. Bonds, like people themselves, go through different stages and need attention, new nutrients and even learn from their own conflicts and discrepancies to grow, to move forward into something new and stronger.

Now, in all these cases, Both to revive the bond and save it and to end it, we need to be emotionally competent people. And that subject is not taught in schools. We must train her daily in the little things, in sensitivities, in the line of respect, in the exercise of dignity and assertiveness.

Because every bond, whether as a couple or friendship, deserves to be respected at any of its stages. Knowing how to let go with integrity and respect also says a lot about our human quality.

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