Alorgasmia, fantasizing about another person during sex

Imagination is the main protagonist of allorgasmia. A sexual fantasy in which arousal is achieved by thinking about another person while having sexual relations. That is, allorgasmia means getting excited with a person other than your partner when you have sex with them. Thus, this other imaginary enriches the sexual act in a symbolic way. But to what extent can this sexual fantasy be perceived as pathological or negative?

Contrary to what it may seem, allorgasmia is not pathological. At least not if we practice it punctually. The fact of fantasizing about another person for whom you feel attracted does not mean that you do not love the partner. According to experts, it can act as an alternative to get out of the sexual routine. However, if it is used constantly it can be harmful, since it creates distance and distrust in the couple.

Allorgasmia is not a pathology

Fantasizing about another person while having sex with your partner is more common than it seems. There are many people who seek to maintain a degree of sexual excitement that they cannot find any other way. However, allorgasmia is not a sexual deviation.

As we said, it is normal and increasingly common. Although Normally you avoid talking to your partner about these fantasies. with third parties, this actually does not have to be a problem. It can even help improve sexual relations.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), Paraphilic disorders are behaviors carried out for at least 6 months and classified as:

Voyeurism. Sexual arousal is achieved by observing other people – without their consent or without them realizing it – naked or having sexual relations.Exhibitionism. It is about having uncontrollable sexual desires, fantasies or excitement by exposing your genitals to other people.Frotteurism. Feeling sexual arousal, intense fantasies or behavior derived from touching or rubbing against a person without their consent.Sexual masochism. Sexual desire and arousal are achieved through feeling humiliated, beaten, attacked or subjected.Sexual sadism. Unlike sexual masochism, in this paraphilia sexual desire and arousal are achieved by doing physical or psychological harm to another person.Pedophilia or pedophilia. Paraphilic disorder characterized by sexual arousal or desire through fantasies or behaviors involving sexual relations between an adult and a child.Fetishism. The person becomes aroused by observing and manipulating inanimate objects or body parts (use of inanimate objects or a strong interest focused on body parts other than the genitals).Transvestism. Present recurring sexual fantasies and impulses derived from the act of cross-dressing.

As we see, Allorgasmia is not included in the classification included in the DSM-5. Even so, these do not exhaust the list of paraphilic disorders. Several dozen different paraphilias have been identified and named, and almost all of them could be elevated to the category of paraphilic disorder.

When imagination is the protagonist

As we said, In allorgasmia there is a protagonist: the imagination. So we are faced with a sexual fantasy. Many people think about famous artists or athletes, although they also fantasize about co-workers or strangers.

The person may fantasize about others while having sexual relations with their partner; but, can also do it in moments of autoeroticismand we would be facing the same category.

There are people who do not see this favorably because they think that fantasizing about people other than your partner can be harmful to the relationship. Even, There are people who consider this practice as a form of infidelity.. However, this is not the case at all. The practice of allorgasmia can produce greater rapprochement and complicity between the members of the couple.

After all fantasies of this type are mental processes that help achieve a higher degree of arousal. There is no reason to see them as something negative or taboo. Of course, they reveal our most intimate desires.

Some circumstances that lead to allorgasmia

When we touch the realm of imagination, it is difficult to establish reasons, since it is a process as subjective as the fantasies themselves. So, We can encounter countless circumstances that cause it. But, below, we will present the most recurrent ones:

Greater excitement

People can fantasize about another person to experience higher levels of arousal and, thus, improve the sexual experience. It’s important to put attention on Absence or little excitement in a relationship is not an indicator of lack of desire or love. Since there are many reasons that could be behind it.

Idyllic situations

Many people have sexual fantasies that reflect an idyllic situation. For example, it is very common to fantasize about threesomes or orgies. In these cases, Thinking about another person while we have sex with our partner can give us the option to bring up those idealizations..

At this point, it is important to clarify that fantasy is one thing and bringing it to reality is another. Many people may feel aroused by fantasizing about various sexual situations, but that does not mean that they want to do it in reality. And herein lies the harmlessness of allorgasmia.

Avoid monotony

When relationships become very routine, the ideal is to rethink new dynamics. Even within the sexual sphere. In this case, alorgasmia is an option to get out of monotony. This can fuel passion and desire.

Fill gaps

Other people resort to allorgasmia when the partner does not make up for a lack in the relationship. In these cases, the ideal is to talk about it with the other and reach a solution between both..

couple games

It is also common for couples to agree in advance and for the other person to participate in it. Thus, Both can play the same game with agreed rules and give more life to sexual relations.

Allorgasmia as a lifeboat

There are many couples who complain about their sex life. For whatever reason, it becomes stagnant over time. And at the beginning everything was passion and sexual ardor. But, as the relationship progresses and prospers, sex takes a backseat.

Allorgasmia can serve to rekindle a sexual desire or a dull, dull, lifeless sexual relationship.. It would be something like a lifeboat for those who have fallen into a situation of sexual monotony. Therefore, it can be a fantasy tool to regain sexual desire. Now, we are not saying that all couples have a lack of sexual desire and that they should resort to allorgasmia. It’s something optional.

For their part, if the couple knows and agrees with this type of fantasy, can create trust and complicity in the relationship; Well, both feel completely free to express their sexual desires without feeling guilt or remorse.

Carolina Schwengel, an expert in sexuality, explains that allorgasmia can be used freely and that It helps a lot to get in the mood at the beginning of sexual intercourse.. Of course, as the expert points out, allorgasmia is beneficial as long as its use is not pathological.

When can fantasizing about another person during sex be harmful?

The line between sexual appeal and a problem that needs attention can be difficult to draw. Therefore, we show you some aspects that you should pay attention to:

You frequently resort to allorgasmia or fantasies about other people. Actually, this is already the only way you find to enjoy sexual relations.You hide the information from your partner. It is not, therefore, a resource that you both use to increase the excitement of the moment, but rather an event that you live in secret and with guilt.You fantasize about a familiar and close person. This, if it happens recurrently, may be indicative that you are beginning to experience feelings for that other person; and, in that case, it would be advisable to analyze the situation.You do not feel attraction for your partner, and you use fantasies with third parties as a band-aid. The lack of sexual desire for your partner can have different origins: you consider that the other no longer takes care of themselves physically, you have resentments or emotional problems that affect intimacy, you feel that your encounters are monotonous and unsatisfactory… In any case, it is important put your cards on the table, propose changes or seek help. Otherwise, the situation will worsen.

You don’t have to feel guilty

If there is no trace of the previous signs, don’t worry. The practice of allorgasmia is only a mental and symbolic process. You must avoid feeling guilty, as this could be harmful to the sexual act.
The person who performs the act of fantasizing does not necessarily fantasize about unattainable people. (such as movie stars, singers, artists, etc.) As we have said, whoever fantasizes can do so with a person they know personally (a neighbor, a shop assistant, a teacher, etc.) Even in this case There would be nothing wrong with doing so either. Feeling guilty will only make the feeling of pleasure difficult or even prevent orgasm.

Sexual fantasies are harmless as long as they do not distance the couple.. However, constantly living in a fantasy world different from the real one can affect the person we live with every day.

As we see, Allorgasmia is a fantasy that can be used to enrich our sexual life or to ignite the spark that had gone out.. It is not a pathology, as long as it does not cause us personal problems or distance us from our partner.

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