Affective ambivalence: when love and hate coexist in us

Affective ambivalence is a type of complex emotion; Contradiction and tension live in it.. An example of this is undoubtedly when we love and hate someone almost at the same time. Having great affection for a close person, but at the same time experiencing some resentment. Loving a friend, but feeling that that relationship harms us…

Why do people suffer these types of conflicting and even adverse feelings on more than one occasion? Is it normal or does it perhaps respond to some type of imbalance? The answer is simple: we are faced with a type of perfectly normal reality that in turn defines by itself the high complexity of the human being in emotional matters.

This topic also has great interest in the scientific community and multiple investigations and studies have been carried out in this regard. Something that in itself may seem somewhat novel or Shakespearean responds, for neurologists, psychiatrists and experts in emotional psychology, to a fact that is a good example of how intricate the emotional fabric of our relationships can be..

Thus, authors such as frenk van Harreveld, from the department of social psychology at the University of Amsterdam, tells us in a study that affective ambivalence determines not only what we feel. It is also that internal complexity that pushes us to behave in certain ways. An example: There are women who experience clear emotional ambivalence during the postpartum period.

They love their newborn baby, but at times, due to the child’s high demand and dependency, They can experience that chaotic mix between exhaustion, rejection, tenderness and fear that so defines those first months between mother and child.. Let’s see more data about it.

Affective ambivalence: characteristics that define it

Emotional ambivalence is felt (and suffered or enjoyed) by every human being at some point in their life.. We know that when we talk about emotions it is common for names like Daniel Goleman or Paul Eckman to immediately come to mind. Now, it should be said that this subject has been studied since the beginning of the 20th century.

It was the psychiatrist Eugen Bleuler who in 1911 described emotional ambivalence like a “simultaneous presence of two opposite feelings (attraction and repulsion), of two opposite directions of the will, with respect to the same object.”

Since then, the field of psychology has been constantly interested in a topic that seems to structure different areas. What’s more, despite the fact that emotional ambivalence is so common in our emotional relationships, Social psychology has also been interested in this area in recent years.

The reason? Many of the decisions we make are orchestrated by contradiction (I want to buy this but I can’t right now, I want that job in that country but I don’t dare leave my home here, etc.).

Contradiction generates discomfort

Affective or emotional ambivalence generates high discomfort. And if there is something that the human brain does not like, it is contradiction, points that are not aligned.

The energy and wear and tear produced by this type of dissonance are immense. So much so that we are often even blocked by those feelings where in moments, we become aware of the great love or affection we experience for something or someone, but at the same time, we feel a certain exhaustion, rejection and even hatred.

We can love someone, but hate their behavior, their attitudes and even their way of treating us. Let us also remember our stage in adolescence. That part of our life cycle is a constant contradiction, it is a search for experiences, it is fear, it is anxiety, it is desire, intensity and anguish at the same time. It is not easy to assume this type of internal contradictions, we are all aware of it.

Emotional ambivalence pushes us to decide

We know that affective or emotional ambivalence is synonymous with contradiction. However, There is a positive effect on it and it drives us to decide, clarify or even accept certain situations. The mother who goes through the complex period of the puerperium gradually assumes and gets used to her new reality.

When we love and hate someone, we simultaneously force ourselves to understand the reality of that feeling. Does love weigh more? Is contradiction something natural in the passion we feel for our partner? Or is perhaps that hatred a fact that I must be aware of in order to make a decision?

Dr. Laura Ress, from the University of Michigan, conducted a study in 2013 to show us something interesting. Affective ambivalence favors self-awareness. That discomfort is something that our brain needs to calm and resolve.. In fact, it has been shown that these types of contradictions enhance our creativity; They make us look for channels to think, vent and, in turn, create original answers to resolve that contradiction.

To conclude, only one small aspect is worth pointing out. Every time we find ourselves in these types of personal labyrinths where we are pursued by the minotaur of emotional contradiction, it is worth stopping, listening and understanding. Maybe there is something we need to resolve or even come to terms with.

Life in itself is contradictory and affections are even more so.. Loving is not easy and requires a high level of responsibility, as well as a commitment, first with ourselves and then with others. Let’s think about it.

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