A child is born and your life changes. To what extent?

In the long journey we undertake in life, there is no more memorable adventure than having children. I, at least, have not experienced anything more important. And it is something that takes you by surprise. You had imagined other high points in your life; You thought that everything would change when you finished your studies, when you found your first job, when you fell in love, when you bought a flat, when you became the boss of whatever. Some of those things come and go, but life goes on pretty much the same.

Suddenly, without warning or quarter, A son bursts into your life with the devastating power of a hurricane, knocks down your complacency, destroys your routine, fulfills your hopes… The atmosphere is cleansed and under the unusually blue sky a new person rises: a father.

How does having a child transform you?

As a pediatrician, I have met many parents in their twenties and some under, and it has always surprised me that the simple fact of having had a child changes them suddenly. Yesterday they were carefree teenagers and today, responsible parents.

In every birth a mother is born

Gro Nylander, a Norwegian obstetrician, commenting on an old proverb, “in every birth a mother is born”, he suggests that two or three births are needed for a father to be born. And it is that the father changes, but the effect on the mother is spectacular.

Although some are scared by the responsibility that was coming their way, when the time comes, they all get ahead in one way or another.

She carries the child in her arms, feeds him, bathes him, dresses him. You continually make decisions about your child’s nutrition, health, and education. She is capable of going to the doctor with such non-specific complaints as “since yesterday I feel a bit strange”, and many times she is right!

Mother 24 hours a day

I’m not saying that they magically know everything. and they do everything right, but there is a change in attitude. No study, no profession, requires a dedication of 24 hours. The child does and the mother assumes it. He doesn’t run away, he doesn’t break down.

From some corner of his mind he draws the necessary resources to take care of everything. The one who used to be a sleepyhead now wakes up at midnight, the clueless one remembers everything, the indecisive one makes decisions, the shy one is respected by the pediatrician and the nervous one shows inexhaustible patience.

superpowers for parents

A few hours or days after delivery, the mother is capable of recognizing her child in the most varied circumstances.: You can recognize your photo among other baby photos, you can recognize their crying and distinguish it from other cries, you can distinguish your child from other babies blindfolded, by smell or by touch. The father also soon learns to recognize his baby with his eyes closed, but it takes a little longer.

we are tuned

The parents of a young child are awakened in the middle of the night by the slightest noise. It is not even necessary for the child to cry; All it takes is a movement, a groan, a sneeze, and already the father hears his wife singing, half asleep, a reassuring song, “ea, ea, ea”.

If the child calms down quickly, the parents too; they do not fully wake up and do not remember the incident in the morning. But if it really is necessary, in a few seconds they will be completely clear.

Over the years, many years, when you already trust that your children they will be able to manage to call you for help if something big happens, you stop hearing their coughs or if they roll over in bed and you go back to sleeping like a log.

Goodbye couple, hello family

Some time ago we visited an apartment for sale and the seller insisted on showing us one of its great advantages: a long corridor that separated the bedrooms from the living room. “By closing this door, you isolate yourself; the children have their games there and you can live as a couple.” He repeated it four or five times, and as he nodded politely I couldn’t help thinking: “this man has no children”. We did not come out of our astonishment, “Life as a couple!”. Who wants to live as a couple when they are no longer a couple but a family?

The fact is that, for many years, you cannot conceive of life without your children. Work and school separate us quite a bit; Leisure time is to be enjoyed together. For years you only go to the cinema to see Disney movies, you only go to the theater to see clowns and of the cities you visit on vacation, you know best the parks, which ones have good slides, and which ones have ducks to throw bread at.

Children grow up, of course, and become independent. One Sunday they go for a walk with their friends, or they want to spend the afternoon in peace and they throw you out to the movies. Life as a couple returns, in a way, but not because you have left your children behind a closed door, but because they have left through an open door.

What our children teach us

All parents end up growing up with their children.. Just as they imitate us and learn from us, we can also learn a lot from them every day, letting ourselves be imbued with their innate wisdom.

put yourself in his shoes

What did you feel when you were little and you were scolded for not picking up your toys? What did you do when you were punished or your opinion was not taken into account? What did you think at the age your son is? Ask yourself these questions often to put yourself in your child’s shoes: It will help you better understand his reactions and renew your perspective on the conflicts you may have with him.

follow his rhythm

Although in the day to day its slowness sometimes exasperates you or does not match your adult rhythms, you can also learn a lot from your child by following his pace, certainly much less accelerated. They – and in this they are much wiser than us – do not care about the clock and hardly allow themselves to be rushed.

Time only counts to have fun. Leave spaces where you can do like them in this regard it will help you eliminate stress.

Let’s Play!

Having a child is, to a large extent, recovering the ability to play. Any activity, no matter how simple, becomes fun for them and a new opportunity to enjoy. Let yourself be infected by their enthusiasm and, putting aside your shame, accompany them in their games without complexes.