9 characteristics of narcissistic parents

One of the most obvious characteristics of narcissistic parents is considering their children as an object.. They are a means to an end, and that end is to satisfy the needs of that maternal or paternal figure who will veto the psychological and emotional development of the child. They will shape and manipulate him to exclusively meet her expectations.

There are many adult men and women who show clear consequences of an education exercised by these figures. In general, two phenomena tend to occur: narcissistic parents model equally narcissistic children or they give the world co-narcissistic children, that is, wounded people who tend to remain anchored to those paternal or maternal figures.

Obviously, there are those who manage to leave behind that painful bond, that environment that functions like a sect and a factory of continued suffering. However, the consequences are there, latent and in the form of post-traumatic stress. It is decisive, therefore, to know how to recognize this pattern of behavior of the father or mother with a narcissistic personality disorder.

A narcissistic father or mother will instill in us the fear of disapproval. We will be subject to obeying your rules and meeting your expectations.

These are the characteristics of narcissistic parents

First of all, it is important to differentiate parents with high expectations for their children from those with clear traits of pathological narcissism. Sometimes we tend to mix terms and make mistakes. A narcissistic father or mother is one who completely vetoes the vital autonomy of a child, regardless of their age.

For example, research from the University of Amsterdam highlights how parents with a narcissistic personality disorder establish abusive relationships in which children can be blamed for the parent’s unhappiness.

What’s more, the effects of parental narcissism even affect the brain development of children. Variations have even been seen in the volume of cerebral gray matter and a smaller size of the hippocampus; All of this is the effect of the high stress load maintained for years.

Let’s now see what those characteristics of narcissistic parents are.

1. They restrict freedom

We have pointed it out previously. Narcissistic parents have internal narratives about how the family architecture unfolds.. And in that structure no one is free. Hence this scenario is often compared to that of a sect. There are one or several ideological leaders and the others must integrate and fulfill those mandates.

Because the only thing that matters is satisfying the leader, that parent who must be reinforced and made happy. This implies that the child must meet all personal and academic expectations that, surely, the narcissist did not satisfy in his day.

2. They undermine their children’s self-esteem

One of the characteristics of narcissistic parents is marginalizing the self-concept and self-esteem of their children. The last thing that can happen in that family scenario is for the children to stand out and be successful..

If the child is better than the father or mother in some aspect, anger or frustration appears. Shining is unacceptable in these pathological environments.

3. They have a distorted image of themselves

These personalities inhabit the world, occupying spaces, overshadowing and trampling on all other people’s rights. They are defined by a distorted and inflated vision of themselves. They perceive themselves as figures with more needs and virtues than others, and this inclines them to use them as objects to reinforce their egos.

A child is the perfect fuel to nourish and oxygenate your self-esteem and self-image.. They will manipulate him to the extreme so that he always lives around them, satisfying every command, every whim.

4. From the outside they are perfect parents (and they will not hesitate to proclaim it)

There is a recurring characteristic that explains all victims of a narcissistic parent or both parents. In the face of society, neighbors and friends, they appear to be an idyllic family. The narcissist likes to show the world that his children are perfect and that his life is an absolute reflection of dazzling happiness.

He prides himself on the fact that his offspring are the most solicitous and obedient. They almost always resort to lies, those that distort realities such as “their children adore them.” Likewise, he does not hesitate to criticize other families, to belittle what others do and thus instill in his children the idea that “they are better than anyone.”

5. They need to be validated

If there is one thing the narcissist needs, it is to be validated; at every moment and in any circumstance. This is especially harmful when they have a family. They are the focus on which every dynamic revolves, and what their children need, feel or think is unimportant.

Its grandiosity is so oppressive that it stifles any opportunity for children to develop their own identity. This will cause them to reach adolescence and maturity internalizing a clear sense of inferiority.

6. They are experts at the blame game

Among the characteristics of narcissistic parents is undoubtedly the blame game. When the narcissist feels frustrated about some aspect, he blames his children for his unhappiness and discomfort.. It is an obvious form of psychological abuse.

7. They try to prevent their children’s independence

It doesn’t matter what dreams your child has. Your life goals are unimportant. When you have a narcissist as a parent, the hidden obligation to take care of that harassing figure for life is established. This means that any attempt at independence will be boycottedincluding work goals or emotional relationships.

Narcissists are jealous, envious and hostile people. This means that a child cannot excel in any area, because that is processed as a challenge to one’s own ego.

8. They are jealous and exercise victimhood

When you have a narcissistic father or mother, no one can dare to be better than them in any aspect. They will feel humiliated and resort to victimhood.

If a child achieves a good job and is happy, he will be reproached, for example, that he has abandoned him or that he prioritizes himself more than that father or that mother.

9. They practice selfish love lacking empathy

One of the characteristics of narcissistic parents is their emotional coldness and instrumental empathy. That is, they do recognize their children’s emotions and needs, but what interests them is manipulating them to obtain a benefit.

After all, people, in their psychological repertoire, are mere objects, not children, partners or friends to respect and to ensure their happiness.

To conclude, if we have been victims of this type of parenting, let us not hesitate to request expert help to heal the wound of that trauma; the invisible injury left by living with every narcissist.

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