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The people we have lost accompany us in many ways

The people who have left have not left completely: they accompany us in infinite ways while they sleep in the middle of our hearts.

Facing the death of the people we have lost is like sailing for a time in an ocean of huge, lonely glaciers. Little by little we are waking up, dawning again to life and the warmth of their rumor to perceive that they are there, that they accompany us in infinite ways while they sleep in the middle of our heart.

Daphne Du Maurier once said in one of her stories that death should be like saying goodbye at a train station. She had to allow us a period of time to say goodbye, to melt into a long hug where we didn’t leave anything pending and thus wished the loved one a good trip.

“All life is an act of letting go, but what hurts the most is not being able to have a moment to say goodbye.”

The difficulties of grieving for the people we have lost

Despite the beauty of literature about grief, we all know that in real life we ​​do not always have that platform or that time of idyllic farewells. Because Fate is cruel and sharp at times and likes to tear away the most precious treasures from our side.: to our loved ones. Hence, we face most of our losses with a mixture of anger, heartbreak, and indefinable disbelief.

It is often said that after the death of someone very close to us, rather than living, we “survive”, and we limit ourselves to moving against the current as if we were the protagonists of a strange vital outcome. Now, this way of seeing grief is not the best.

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We are obliged to rebuild our lives, to make our days a beautiful tribute to the one who still lives in our hearts, to that person who left us a beautiful legacy, who still accompanies us today in many ways. Let’s reflect on it.

Those who are still with us do not deserve to lose us

Sometimes, we do not hesitate to look up remembering the people we have lost. However, they are not that far away, we are not separated by an entire sky or a thick wall that divides the universe of the living from those who are no longer here. They live in a precious corner of our emotional brain, melted into the palace of our souls. and that half of our heart that drives each beat.

Human beings are made of memories, experiences and emotional legacies that shape who we are, and that in turn inspire us and push us to continue moving forward. Julian Barnes said in his book Loss levels that after the death of his wife he realized many things. The first is that The world is divided between those who have experienced the pain of the death of a loved one and those who have not..

He discovered this example through a friend, who tactfully told him that one advantage of having lost one’s wife is that he could now do anything he wanted. That made Barnes feel very bad, because he understood life as a place shared with his wife. In fact, if he ever did something on his own, he would later enjoy it by explaining it to the love of his life.

The second lesson Julian Barnes learned about death is that life is worth living despite that bleeding void, despite that gap on the other side of the bed. Because Saying “no” to continuing to move forward is like losing the loved one again, that person who lives internalized in our being. and that asks to be honored through happiness, memory and new smiles.

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The people we have lost will always be with us

There is no shortage of those who usually comment thatSurviving means leaving our deceased beings more behind day by day.” Now, actually It is not about leaving behind, but about rebuilding our present to allow us a more comprehensive future. where memories and new experiences form a whole.

“The sea is dressed in velvet, and the deep sea is painted with mourning.”

-Ruben Dario-

There is a very interesting book on the subject titled Love never dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased (love never dies, how to reconnect and make peace with the deceased person). In it, Dr. Jamie Turndorf provides us with a very useful strategy not only to deal with grief, but also to realize the ways in which our loved ones accompany us every daythose whom we have had to forcefully let go.

Connect emotionally with the memory to reduce pain day by day

The strategy that Dr. Turndorf proposes is simple and cathartic. It is based on an adequate internal dialogue where we can close possible pending issues, where we can heal wounds and keep the emotional legacy that our loved one left us. These would be some keys:

Prevent your mind from going only to the last moments, let your memory be wise and selective. Allow each day to be nourished by happy moments, smiles, moments of complicity. That joy from yesterday will motivate you in the present.Talk internally with that persontell her that you miss her, but that you accept, little by little, Let him be far away because you understand that he is fine, that he is happy. Explain to him that there are days when things are more difficult for you, but that later you gain strength because you remember everything he taught you, everything he offered you to make you a great person.

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To conclude, this internal dialogue can be of great help to us, it is like creating private corners where we can heal ourselves day by day, where we can continue moving forward knowing that love, unlike the physical plane, never dies. We are faced with an eternal emotion that gives us comfort and an imperishable light. Let it envelop us, let it offer us warmth while we smile again.

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Images courtesy of Catrin Welz-Stein

All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

Cabodevilla, I. (2007). Losses and their grief. Anales del Sistema Sanitario de Navarra, 30(Suppl. 3), 163-176. Retrieved on January 18, 2022, from http://scielo.isciii.es/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S1137-66272007000600012&lng=es&tlng=es.Nuckols, A. (2020). Assuming the absence: poetics of unfinished duels in the Spanish narrative of the 21st century. Assuming Absence, 11-295.Heidarzadegan, N., & Tum, O. (2019). Self-Justifying Narrative in Julian Barnes’ The Sense of an Ending. Journal of Narrative and Language Studies, 7(13), 152-161.

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