8 ways to get rid of beauty standards

Aesthetic interventions, crazy diets, personal dissatisfaction and incessant fights with the mirror. Living lusting after other bodies and being judged for not looking like the celebrities on the covers of magazines is really exhausting for most women.

It is not by chance that Brazil is the champion country in terms of the number of plastic surgeries, according to data from the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ISAPS), released in July 2014. The great demand for the scalpel, in large part, is due to the established by the media, which generate in women a feeling of discomfort and inadequacy.

Combined with these factors, psychologist and specialist in eating disorders Luciana Kotaka mentions the greater payment facilities offered today and the very sale of products capable of providing physical changes for women, ranging from supposedly miraculous medicines to dubious devices.

However, the charges are not restricted to body parts that, at some cost, can be changed. Journalist with experience in fashion and behavior Nathalia Birkholz recalls that, in Brazil, the imposition of beauty standards still reduces the representation of some social groups, especially with regard to ethnicities and races: “this encourages self-rejection, it is unhealthy ”, he says.

Unfortunately, being aware of these causes is not always enough to lessen the demands that women make on themselves. “The experience is unique and particular”, says the psychologist, “wanting to change the external excessively can lead to emotional instability and insecurity”. In this way, the path to well-being is transformed into a daily exercise, in which a lot of love and self-acceptance is needed.

In theory, it’s very easy to just say that you don’t have to undergo numerous cosmetic procedures and go on a fad diet to look more like someone famous, but in practice, dealing with these impositions is very exhausting and, many times, sometimes frustrating. Despite this, mentalizing a few things can help you go through it with a little more serenity.

1. Work on your self-esteem

Starting with the big challenge: fight insecurity, learn to like yourself and value yourself. “Being beautiful and feeling good goes far beyond the appearance of the face and body, it also involves the positive feelings we have about ourselves and the ability to deal with imperfections”, explains Kotaka.

If you can’t handle your self-esteem at all and you’re really dissatisfied with who you are, consider seeking professional help. The psychologist warns that there is a very fine line between what is healthy and what is pathological, so a therapist can help you understand yourself better.

2. Know who you are

You are your best friend! And, amazingly, the mirror can be by your side! Instead of spending long minutes watching yourself and regretting your pimple that popped up, your right eye being bigger than your left, your cheek that was too big or your tummy protruding, why not invest your time in a little praise? Discover your features that you like the most and, when you feel dissatisfied with some part of your body, channel your thoughts to what you like, including personality traits!

In this exercise, the intention is not to “disguise weaknesses”, it is to learn to like you as you are, even if in parts. It’s also worth breaking your own rules and giving items that might not attract your attention a chance: play with lipsticks, eyeliners, different pieces of clothing and let yourself be surprised. Don’t like your lips? Try a lipstick color you’ve always loved on others, for example, and allow yourself to like it on yourself!

3. Learn to handle compliments

Whether out of embarrassment or out of really disagreeing with flattery, but stop responding modestly. Accept them and, later, it is even worth reflecting on what you have been told. It’s okay to admit that, yes, you are beautiful.

4. Prioritize your health

In addition to all the psychological fatigue that life under pressure causes, subjecting yourself to crazy diets, exaggerated exercises and too many or dubious interventions can also be harmful to your physical health. Among cases of medical errors, rejection of materials by the body and other side effects, Luciana Kotaka cites the development of disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia and pregorexia.

Here, it’s worth asking yourself: what’s the point of doing everything for appearance if you’re at risk? In the case of dietary restrictions, it is also important to remember that your immunity is put in check, which increases your vulnerability to disease.

5. You are unique

Have you noticed how restricted female representations in the media are? You may have also heard that the model with the slightly larger nose is the owner of an “exotic beauty”, right? The big question is that the world is a very plural place: people are definitely not the same. So what’s the point of trying to change to be more like someone else?

As if women were objects produced on a large scale, the intention is to reduce us to stereotypes, to separate and value us based on our physical characteristics. However, it may be valid to think of something as cliché as the maxim “what would yellow be if everyone liked blue?”: there is beauty in diversity!

6. This is not a competition

Living in a world where women are ranked all the time and classified by their “beauty type”, it is absolutely normal to grow up thinking that we need to be prettier than our little friend, but there is one small detail that, conveniently, we forget. to tell women: this is not a competition!

As has been said before, there is beauty in diversity. And, for that very reason, there is room for all kinds of beauty in the world! No beauty needs to cancel out the other in order to exist.

7. You are human

Perfection does not exist. Almost every photo we see nowadays undergoes several treatments and edits to correct defects and even the women who are on the covers of magazines have their days of misshapen hair, wake up feeling strange or have conflicts with the mirror.

Despite all this advice and as much as you try not to fall into the mesh of impositions and beauty standards, it may happen that, at some point, you wish with all your strength to have a little more thigh, to have bigger eyes or have an ear plastic surgery. When that happens, don’t blame yourself! But don’t get carried away by these thoughts either, this is where the importance of self-knowledge lives: remember that part of the body that you really like and focus on what’s good for you!

8. You are not a bargaining chip

Finally, it is worth remembering that you are not obligated to do anything. You don’t have to follow trends, always wear makeup, skip your favorite candy, or wear heels that hurt your heel if you’re not in the mood.

Unfortunately, women are judged all the time by their appearance and behavior: society is hostile to those who do not fit into traditionally considered feminine characteristics. However, it can be reassuring to think that, as blogger Erin McKean of A Dress A Day once wrote: “Being beautiful is not something you owe anyone. You don’t owe it to your boyfriend, husband, partner, you don’t owe it to your co-workers and, above all, you don’t owe it to strangers on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, your children, or civilization in general. Beauty is not a rent you pay for occupying a space in the world defined as ‘feminine’”.

The grace of life, therefore, is in freedom. In the same way that you don’t have to force yourself to do anything to fit into standards, you are still free to choose what you think is good for you. None of this means you should forgo fashion, makeup, the gym, or a balanced diet if it all makes you happy; the key here is to find a balance between what is healthy and what can harm you.

“On a scale of importance, beauty is several steps below happiness, far below health, and if taken as a penance or as an obligation, it passes far from independence, and you will have to rub your eyes to see it in the midst of it. to the fog”, summarizes McKean.

With a little attention to the recommendations developed from the conversation with the psychologist Luciana Kotaka and the journalist Nathalia Birkholz, it is possible to exchange the search for the magazine cover body for four other recommendations that can help you to lead a life with less demands: love yourself, know yourself, respect yourself and be happy!