8 topics you should talk about with your preteen child as soon as possible

1. THE IMPORTANCE OF THE STUDY FOR THE FUTURE

According to Karin Kenzler, a psychologist at Colégio Humboldt, when talking to pre-adolescent children, parents need to be careful not to intimidate or suffocate them. “In the first place, it is important to remember that the focus of the conversation should always be on creating intimacy, and not on the volume of information or instructions that is intended to be conveyed. Creating emotional bonds and keeping the communication channel open is the best way to gain access to your child’s life, to be able to guide him and enjoy his company”, she says. In this way, it is important to emphasize the importance of studies in the future of young people, but not through words and sermons, but through their behavior. Supervising, demanding, fighting, so that your child can study may even work, but it will not motivate him. “Create a family environment where school content subjects are valued. Dialogue at home, at meals, in the car, should value the general culture and motivate the search for knowledge. Don’t ask your child if he’s done his homework, but what he’s studying”.

2. THE DANGER OF EXPOSING YOURSELF ON THE INTERNET

Photos and more photos making faces, in a bikini or a short dress. Clicks from beer-drenched parties and posts full of unfunny jokes. Teenagers don’t even realize it, but they may be exposing themselves too much – and in a negative way – on the internet. The father’s duty is to explain that this type of attitude can harm them when looking for a job or even put them in dangerous situations, as happens when the photos end up on prostitution websites or, even, in the hands of pedophiles.

3. THE CHOICE OF RELIGION

“Parents must first be friends with their children, because trust between them is essential so that teenagers can talk about all matters and thus not hide anything that might surprise them later,” says Cesar Marconi, pedagogical director of the Colégio Mary Ward. Whenever possible, talk openly with your child about the religion your family follows and show what you believe. If, at some point, he feels that he no longer agrees with these principles, or if he does not find what he is looking for in her, he will decide on another path and will need to feel free to talk openly about it with you. In this case, the role of the parents is to give the child the opportunity to get to know himself better. If you trust the values ​​you passed on to your son, believe in the path he chooses.

4. BEWARE OF FRIENDSHIPS

Try to get to know your child’s friends. If he relates to aggressive people, call him to talk and show him the risk and consequences of that choice. “When advising your son about a friendship, try not to be radical or authoritarian, as you run the risk of him continuing to relate to the person without his knowledge, and worse, lying to you. Try to talk by exposing your concerns, making them aware of the risks and learning to make their choices. And if he trusts you, he will continue to tell you who he hangs out with and where”, advises psychologist Karin Kenzler.

5. THE DANGERS OF ALCOHOL

Adolescence is really the phase when young people experiment with drinking. This is a fact! Before your child starts to leave the house, talk to him about all the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption. Clarify the difference between having a glass of wine at a family lunch at home and getting drunk to have fun at a party with friends. Explain the concern for their health and safety and make it clear that there is no compromise on drinking abuse, indoors or outdoors. Talk openly about the dangers he faces, such as getting into a car accident or getting into a nasty fight. “This type of dialogue should take place at home, as far as possible, on a daily basis. Don’t wait for something bad to happen to talk later”, says Cesar Marconi.

6. THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING AWAY FROM DRUGS

In conversations about the danger of drugs, make room for your child to clarify any doubts. Make it clear that people can lose control of the use of these substances – whose supply, by the way, is prohibited. Try to research and talk about the specific effects of each one of them. According to Karin Kenzler, many parents do not know how to address these issues for fear of their children’s reaction, delegating the task solely to the school. “The prevention and guidance programs at school must be complemented with dialogues at home, where the values ​​of each family and culture can be passed on.”

7. SAFE SEX

Talk about sex always mentioning love. Make it clear to your child that the choice of partner – and affection – is important and explain the risks and precautions that must be taken during the relationship. “To facilitate the conversation, the approach must be informal, inserted in everyday situations such as in the car, lunch or outing. Approaching the theme based on news in the newspaper, a public event or the content of a soap opera, reduces the embarrassment felt by young people, leaving them more at ease to clarify their doubts”, comments Kenzler. You don’t charge to have answers to everything about this subject at your fingertips. Sometimes, just being willing to talk to your child helps! Your child wants to find an environment where he feels welcome and where he can ask questions without feeling ashamed.

8. WHY SHOULD WE BE ORGANIZED AND RESPONSIBLE?

Young people’s disorganization and lack of responsibilities, which affect family harmony today, could become a major problem in the future, to the point of hindering performance at university and in the job market. Talk to your teen about the importance of minding your own business and being organized. “If the child is instructed to put his toys away from an early age, he will create the habit of organizing his things and consequently his room, his lessons, activities, etc. It is a teenager’s profile to be a little remiss, even as a matter of training, rebelliousness. What cannot happen is that relapse becomes the rule in your life”, explains Cesar Marconi.