7 types of emotional vampires that affect our well-being

Emotional vampires do not take our blood, but they do take our vitality, spirit and energy. They are lurking in almost any context to progressively create dysfunctional environments where one is exhausted, isolated and surrounded by a type of exhausting interaction that can seriously undermine one’s physical and psychological health.

Although the term “emotional vampire” has little to do with science and no diagnostic manual has established a protocol for its identification, It is “popular psychology” that has stimulated the definition of a very specific profile that is not known and close to everyone.. Much has been written about them, we have countless books at our disposal; However, it is necessary to give prominence to the nuances.

One of them is related to “energy”. It is said of emotional vampires that they “absorb our vital energy.” Well, if we remove that Edgar Allan Poe veil we will actually discover something much deeper, as well as disturbing. When people establish dealings and relationships with those around us, we also carry out a harmonious exchange of stimuli, reinforcements, information, emotions and sensations.

This magic of human interactions always generates a series of changes at the brain level, which will in turn be accompanied by a reward, a positive chemical charge thanks to our neurotransmitters. However, When we are faced with an emotional vampire there is no exchange. The treatment is always one-way, there is no flow in communication, there is no “you give me, I give you”, there is no positive reciprocity that our brain recognizes as healthy and meaningful.

What there is in reality is the load of negative emotions that, when accumulated day after day, causes brain overstimulation and a corrosive feeling of stress with which two things can happen: either they invalidate us, cornering us in the corner of helplessness, or They produce in us the most appropriate response, flight.

Emotional vampires and their effect on our health

We said at the beginning that the term “emotional vampire” is coined by “popular psychology”, when in reality, from clinical practice and the daily work of countless psychologists, this dynamic and this type of profile is seen more and more. We cannot forget that the “energy” we speak of, where our mood, motivation and self-esteem are integrated, is what allows us to carry out any activity.

Thus, any negative and constant interaction in our daily lives represents progressive and irremediable wear and tear. We also say that the impact of emotional vampires is now much more intense due to a very specific fact: new technologies. That cell phone that we do not turn off even at night is a common tool for the energy vampire, who Thanks to WhatsApp, Facebook or Twitter, your presence is much more constant.

The contagion of the emotional vampire and its consequences

There are many “breeds” of emotional vampires. The co-worker who always tells us about his misfortunes, who whispers negative rumors, malicious gossip or even the toxic father or mother, those relatives who control us through victimhood, who subject us to their suffocating networks, to their barren universes. of empathy and respect.

We could give a thousand examples and we would fall short, because we all have one of them in mind, an emotional vampire who, willingly or unwillingly, snatches our calm, drains our joy and subjects us to his highway of discouragement. At the same time, and no less important, All these tricks have an effect thanks to a wonderful element that we all have: our mirror neurons.

They are the ones who mediate this emotional contagion. They are the ones that force us to pay attention to the emotional vampire and to be sensitive and receptive to everything they transmit to us: fear, hatred, unhappiness, bitterness, worry… greater negative charge, greater wear and tear, greater over-excitation in our brain, greater stress and weakness.

These are the symptoms that we will notice little by little.

Tiredness.Heaviness in the eyelids.Tension headaches.Low mood. Feeling of wanting to flee.Concentration problems.Low work performance.

Types of emotional vampires

Judith Orloff is a well-known North American psychiatrist and writer who has dedicated multiple books and studies to the topic of empathy, emotional contagion, and the concept of emotional vampires. In her work, something that makes it very clear to us from the beginning is that Not all people who meet this profile are aware that they are.that with their interactions and behaviors they generate a negative impact on those around them.

Others, however, not only know it but seek it for a very specific purpose: to proceed to domination and reinforce their own self-esteem. Submitting to aggrandize oneself is a common strategy for the emotional vampire. Let’s now look at the 7 typologies.

1. The narcissist

Their motto is “Me first.” Everything has to do with them. They long for admiration, recognition and to always feel validated. They lack empathy and will always force us to ensure that everything, every aspect that surrounds us, is carried out according to their expectations, principles and opinion. They have a very limited capacity to recognize or take others into account, to offer authentic affection, real friendship or authentic love.

How to protect ourselves?

The key is knowing how to communicate with them, setting limits, being sincere and revealing their tedious ego and their poor ability to take others into account. We must avoid leaving our self-esteem in their pockets, to do this we must know how to see them objectively, being aware of their emotional and relational poverty.

2. The critic

Nothing you do, say, think or value will be appropriate for the critical personality. Nothing will be good enough for your refined taste, for your wise concept of life and infinite knowledge. However, be careful, because His greatest ability is to speak to you with subtle affection and ironic paternalism to always make you feel inferior to him or her.

How to protect yourself?

Open your protective umbrella and deactivate the power that these criticisms may have over you. Take power away from the emotional vampire, if you make it clear that their opinions are unimportant and that you are very clear about what is right and what is wrong, you will weaken the critical person. .

3. The tireless talker, the one who does not listen

The inexhaustible talker is not interested in what you have to say, in your thoughts or feelings. He just wants you to be there to listen to him, to be that “container” where he can dump everything, where he can unload all his things like someone who throws out his garbage so it can be recycled.

If you have the tireless talker by your side, the physical and emotional exhaustion is evident and very intense.

How to protect ourselves?

These individuals do not respond to non-verbal cues. Therefore, there is no option but to interrupt them forcefully but politely, making it clear that You are not there to listen to all his things, you are not his personal diary, his mess drawer, his trash can.. You are a person with whom to establish dialogues, someone who also has needs and wants to be heard.

4. The victim

The constant victim, to whom the worst always happens and to whom the world has abandoned – in his opinion – to the corner of the marginalized, is instantly recognized because his speech is always negative, where they see themselves like that voodoo doll that receives constant and persistent wounds.

How to protect ourselves?

Behind these people there is a low self-esteem, and we must be clear about this from the beginning, therefore, The most appropriate thing is to rationalize all their tragedies to the extent that we can.. Let’s avoid being harsh with them, let’s rather be that lucid look with which little by little we make them see that everything has a solution and that they must take the reins of their life responsibly.

5. The controller

These people will try to control, almost obsessively, every aspect of your life. They will manipulate your emotions to cancel you, to take away your breath, your positivity, your self-esteem and even your identity. They do not invalidate to the point of convincing us that everything we need can be summed up in one thing: them or them.

How to protect yourself

The secret of success in defeating a controller is assertiveness and self-confidence. Never “let yourself be done” or “convinced”, be grateful for their advice and make it clear that you have yours and they have been more useful to you all your life.

6. The aggressive

Emotional vampires who use anger and verbal or physical violence are the most dangerous. Sometimes, a misunderstanding is enough for, almost without knowing how, fury, contempt or that senseless rage to appear that leaves us scared and breathless. They are like a mined territory where it is almost impossible to control everything to prevent them from exploding at any given moment.

How to protect yourself

The most useful strategies for this type of profiles are two. When we have a person with violent behavior at our side, the only option is to recommend that you seek help to manage these reactions. If you do not comply or do not want to, the healthiest – and necessary – thing is to distance yourself.

7. The sarcastic

There are those who see sarcasm as a sophisticated language tool to bring out that ironic point in life. As long as we see it like this, it will be fine. Nevertheless, The moment sarcasm is used to ridicule people, to humiliate them in an elegant way and ascend to the podium of ingenuity with the crown of cruelty and the scepter of rudeness, we must be clear: we are facing an emotional vampire..

How to protect ourselves?

Sarcasm is a subtle weapon that we don’t see coming. However, be careful, the moment we feel humiliated and our self-esteem is affected, we must set limits, and the sooner it will be done better. We must make it clear and out loud that that phrase has not sat well with us. In the face of laughter and “it’s just a joke,” we will assertively reiterate that “that joke is not appropriate because it hurts.” If the sarcastic person does not see the effect of his or her actions or make any changes, it is best to distance yourself.

What if the emotional vampire is me?

At this point the question is almost inevitable and even obligatory… And are we ourselves putting into practice behaviors of exhaustion and emotional vampirization towards others? Beyond what we can thinkMost of us, at some point in our lives, have displayed some of these behaviors. Either because we had low self-esteem or because we were going through a complex time.

However, it never hurts to reflect on some indicators that can warn us about this.

Negative and catastrophic thoughts.Need to have everything under control, especially the people around us. Need to vent with others, without taking into account concerns, opinions…