My son is a narcissist: what can I do?

“My son is a narcissist. “I don’t know what we have done wrong or I don’t know what could have happened in his mind to behave that way.” There are many parents who request specialized help when they see that certain situations are beyond them. Challenging behaviors, magnified egos, constant need for validation, distorted ideas…

While it is true that it is often assumed that narcissists are not born, but rather made, and that the family environment is usually decisive for the appearance of this behavior, there is another fact that we must value. Pathological narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder in a psychiatric condition in which many more variables come together.

Once it is detected and coexistence becomes complicated or even threatening, it is common to wonder what can be done in these circumstances. Children, adolescents and even adult children, Narcissism is a reality that causes serious problems in any scenario, and the familiar one is the most common in all cases.

What is a narcissistic child or adult child like?

Currently there is no scientific evidence that a gene for narcissistic personality disorder exists. According to research by the University of Utrecht and published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the The origin of this disorder is not entirely clear, but the social factor (education, context, reference models, etc.) has a relevant weight.

Sometimes, many parents become fully aware that they have raised a child who is excessively spoiled and without limits. Other times, children take one of the parents as a model, imitating egocentric and aggressive behaviors. In addition, emotional neglect or highly competitive environments tend to shape also narcissistic behaviors.

Now, there are many triggers and there may even be circumstances in which there are several siblings, only one shows traits of this personality. Not all variables are 100% known..

Let’s see how to know if a child is narcissistic:

Childhood narcissism

Grandiosity. Conviction that they deserve more than the rest and that they are better than anyone else.Constant need to be the center of attention. If they do not succeed, there is shouting, anger and even aggressive behavior. Constant feelings of envy. They can manifest antisocial behavior: theft from other children, assaults… Exploitative relationships with their siblings, classmates, etc. They always look for something in return. Problems making and maintaining friendships.They never express gratitude.They do not take responsibility for their actions. Tendency to constant tantrums and tantrums.They challenge authority.Lack of empathy. Very superficial sense of self. They feel offended quickly.Emotional instability.If they do not receive praise, they feel empty or sad, reaching depressive states.

The adult child with narcissistic personality disorder

The main characteristic of the adult child with narcissistic traits is manipulate the family to achieve what he wants. They are people with little empathy and closeness towards their loved ones, their feelings are fake. They also show a constant tendency to become angry when they achieve what they want, even going so far as to cut off contact.

However, after a few days they usually return as if nothing had happened. Something that frequently repeat is that their parents brought them into the world and as such they must provide them with financial support, as well as any type of help. Their egomania can reach very insidious extremes.

What can I do if my child is a narcissist?

What do I do if I have become fully aware that my child is a narcissist? Is there a way back? Can I do things differently to correct his behavior, guide him, reduce his grandiosity, and boost his self-esteem?

The truth is The progress will be more significant the younger our child is, but adolescents can also benefit with some changes in education. Let’s look at some keys.

Boost your self-esteem

It is important that we ensure that our children are able to put themselves in the shoes of others.. This requires time and effort, but it is essential that you take into account other people’s perspectives, feelings that go beyond your own.

Frustration resistance: they can’t have everything they want

Setting limits, telling them “no” when necessary and helping them manage the negative emotions derived from frustration is decisive in reducing, little by little, the narcissistic personality.

Push him towards altruistic behaviors

There are many ways to encourage cooperative, prosocial and altruistic behaviors in our children and adolescents. Signing them up for courses or volunteer experiences, team sports, etc., can establish new visions, feelings and more empathetic approaches in them.

Capacity for wonder, educating the humble gaze

If a child is narcissistic, perhaps the gaze focused only on himself should be diverted to other scenarios. More spacious.

Encouraging their capacity for wonder is a good starting point and to do so, there is nothing better than bringing them closer to new interests: art, astronomy, nature… Promoting their passion for a subject, practice, sport or discipline is very appropriate.

Be their best example so that they improve their behavior

Every child should have the best example in their parents. Not only do you have to guide them and promote good behavior, manners, respect and empathy, They must see in us what we want to instill in them And therefore, it is essential that there is harmony and coherence between all parents and caregivers.

Responsibilities appropriate to your age

If a child is narcissistic His arrogance and the idea that he is above all responsibility and obligation must be corrected. It is a priority that they assume responsibilities appropriate to their age, only in this way will they better integrate into society and better regulate their behavior little by little.

Correct emotional management and social skills

Tantrums, anger, mood swings, times of sadness, high anxiety… The narcissistic personality settles in childhood as a result of many variables, but poor emotional management always acts as a conditioning factor. We must guide them in the correct understanding and management of their emotional states to improve their self-control and the way they face each situation.

On the other hand, It is also essential that they learn social skills to move in harmony and respect in society.. Behaviors such as manipulation, deception, lack of respect and aggressiveness will lead them to be excluded and always cause problems in any scenario.

To conclude, it is true that when parents stupefiedly assume that their child is a narcissist, the first thing they think about is what they may have done wrong. In these situations, the most appropriate thing is to request professional help.

Only in this way will they have the best guide to navigate the day-to-day life of raising and educating these children. It is a complex challenge, but if you start at an early age the results will be visible.

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