7 tips to be a better lover

Being in a romantic relationship has numerous advantages. This bond offers security and a sense of belonging; Furthermore, in our partner we find love, understanding, support and the excitement of building a project together. However, such a commitment also entails a responsibility towards the other. Therefore, we want to tell you what you can do to be a better lover.

These tips They are useful whether you are starting a relationship or have been together for years. Remember that people change and evolve, which can distance couples if the means are not put in place to prevent it from happening. How convenient? Get started today.

What does it mean to be a better lover?

Becoming a better lover is easier if we understand what it really entails. The main thing is satisfy the emotional and bonding needs of the other person; while, of course, she does the same with ours. This includes showing interest, supporting, cultivating intimacy and knowing how to communicate, among other aspects.

According to important research carried out by The Open University, what people value most in their relationship is laughing together, being best friends, feeling safe and supported and having good mutual trust. This is shown by their findings published in the book The Secrets of Enduring Love: How to Make Relationships Last.

But how to put these concepts into practice is not always so simple, we provide you with information that helps achieve it.

How to be a better lover?

Being better lovers is not an individual question related to who we are, but rather must take into account the person with whom we are linked. Each human being has different values ​​and needs; What is perfect for one can become empty or lacking in the other. Thus, the key is to know your partner well and focus on the following points.

1. Identify the attachment style

A person’s attachment style is the way they bond and derives, fundamentally, from the relationship with their parents or caregivers in childhood. Those who have a secure attachment know how to be interdependent, without fear of being vulnerable, but sure of themselves and their value. Instead, People with an anxious or avoidant attachment have specific difficulties in this regard.

In the first case, perhaps the person feels a strong need for their partner to reassure their love and needs constant displays of affection and commitment. In the second, emotional intimacy is scary and the person may demand spaces alone and careful handling of conversations that involve feelings (Shaver & Mikulincer, 2009).

Thus, knowing what your attachment style is and that of your partner It helps to understand what each person needs at all times and how to combine both approaches. so that no one feels invaded or harmed.

2. Discover and practice love languages

We all know that a romantic relationship involves expressing love, but not just any form is valid. Again, each person prefers and needs to be loved in a certain way; If your partner doesn’t understand it, he can go out of his way for her without it penetrating your heart.

The 5 love languages ​​described by Gary Chapman (2005) are a great way to understand the different means of expressing affection and understanding which ones are preferred by the partner. By offering them to him, we will ensure that he feels as loved as we want.

Now, don’t forget that these are not exclusive and that you can practice them all. Saying “I love you” is not just about buying a bouquet of flowers unexpectedly or helping your partner with a work project that they are struggling with.

3. Establish positive interactions

Many couples see how their relationship suffers due to the continuous reproaches, complaints and arguments that occur daily. Maintaining positive interactions is one of the main elements to have a satisfying and lasting relationship (Hurtarte & Díaz-Loving, 2008).

In this way, it is key to avoid hurtful words, avoidance behaviors, impulsivity and irritable tone. On the contrary, enhances empathy and sympathy, expressiveness and an open and positive attitude towards others.

4. Learn to communicate

Discrepancies, conflicts and misunderstandings are present in all relationships, since they are part of our nature. But, if you want to be a better lover, you can try to reduce these events by learning to communicate assertively. This means Be clear and firm in expressing your opinions, needs and desires, always respecting the needs and emotions of your partner.

5. Cultivate emotional intimacy

Intimacy is one of the key ingredients of the couple and is defined by Sternberg (1986) in his triangular theory of love as emotional approach, connection, complicity and support. It’s what makes your partner feel safe, heard and connected to you, making them great friends.

However, to achieve this, it is necessary to invest time and dedication. For example, finding half an hour each day to talk, tell the other person about yourself and listen to them. Or planning at least one date a month where you go out alone to do activities that you both enjoy.

6. Make their life more fun

According to a work published in the Western Journal of Communication, he shared sense of humor is an essential ingredient in happy couples. The ability to laugh together and even laugh at each other (always with respect) increases the emotional bond and, without a doubt, will help us become better lovers.

7. Take care of the sexual sphere

It is important to take care of sexuality as a couple as it is Helps increase perceived union and satisfaction. However, it is worth knowing that more sex does not always equal more happiness. In fact, a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that a sexual frequency greater than once a week does not produce increases in couples’ satisfaction.

Being a better lover is a daily job

As you can see, there are multiple actions to improve the quality and satisfaction in relationships. It is important to remember that it is a daily job and that the bond must be cultivated and nourished over time. If we neglect any of the above aspects, perhaps the relationship will suffer and routine, resentment and unhappiness will set in.

If this happens, it is appropriate to go to couples therapy in order to identify what areas are failing and how to work on it. An outside, expert opinion may be what you need if you want to become a better lover.

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