7 keys to overcome self-sabotage

Overcome self-sabotage It’s not a whim. Many people, when they are about to reach their goal, begin to falter. Goethe said that “difficulties increase the closer we approach the goal.” However, not all these difficulties come from abroad. Some are deep within us.

There are many who seek to generate a change in their personal, professional, social life, etc. That, for example, is a goal. Quitting smoking, moving up in the company, improving family relationships… Now, is it complicated for you? If this is the case, you should start looking for the obstacles that prevent you from doing so, starting with you.

Emergence of self-sabotage

Self-sabotage is a set of behavioral patterns that arise in the face of events or situations that represent a great change in people’s lives. These behaviors prevent this change from happening and are activated as a self-defense mechanism that makes the person stay in their comfort zone.

The person begins to feel overwhelmed by intense fear and a feeling of lack of control and security that causes anxiety. These sensations begin to dominate her, leading her to sabotage the achievement of an achievement or the materialization of her life project.

Freeing yourself from these sensations and leaving your comfort zone is never easy.. Abandoning our securities makes us afraid, since we enter unknown paths of the world, but also of ourselves. Therefore, it is not difficult that, faced with this fear, we end up sabotaging ourselves. A big problem in this sense is self-concept. It refers to the concept we have of ourselves.

It is not always easy to change the concept we have of ourselves. Be that as it may, if it is not good, self-sabotage does not take long to appear, since the lack of security and faith makes us not believe capable of achieving the proposed objectives. However, if, far from considering ourselves mediocre, we know ourselves to be valid people, with firm and positive beliefs, the path to success without sabotage of any kind is much more viable.

Causes of self-sabotage

Some of the causes of self-sabotage are:

difficult childhood: Growing up in a dysfunctional family can contribute to the emergence of self-sabotage. Without a secure attachment style, it is difficult to have confidence in ourselves and our ability to achieve our goals.Need for control: Self-sabotage can also develop from the need to control a situation. When we are in control, we feel safe, strong and ready to face anything. Some types of self-sabotage provide this sense of control. What we are doing may not be good for our health or well-being, but it helps us stay in control when we feel vulnerable.Fear to fail: When we are very afraid of failure we can unintentionally sabotage ourselves by doing nothing. If we don’t try, we can’t fail.Low self-esteem: Having a negative self-image and low self-esteem makes us very vulnerable to self-sabotage. When we are close to success or achieving what we have set out to do, we feel uncomfortable because those results do not confirm our derogatory beliefs about ourselves, therefore, we self-sabotage to reaffirm what we believe we are: a total failure.

People can thwart our progress for a variety of reasons. We can sabotage ourselves consciously or unconsciously. These destructive behaviors can demotivate us and generate anxiety about not achieving what we have set out to do.

Common forms of self-sabotage

Some signs of self-sabotage are:

Blaming others when things go wrong. Choosing to walk away when nothing goes well. Procrastinating. Hanging out with people who are not suitable for personal development. Avoiding responsibilities.

Let’s look at some examples of self-sabotage:

You have a job interview in the morning, but you stay out drinking with your friends the night before. Your family is paying for college, yet you fail your entrance exam because you didn’t prepare for it. You want to get married and start a family, no. However, you associate yourself with people who are not emotionally prepared or available. You are about to land a big client and make a lot of money, but instead of preparing yourself you start to feel unworthy. Then you get drunk the night before the client meeting and lose the business.

Keys to overcome self-sabotage

Let’s get to know a series of useful keys to overcome self-sabotage. If at any given moment we find ourselves making excuses for not doing something, such as lack of time, delaying relevant tasks or looking for an attitude that provokes an immediate reward, but not in the long term, be careful, we may be sabotaging ourselves.

Therefore, The first step to combat this form of sabotage is to know yourself well.. It is an excellent way to locate harmful beliefs and begin working towards their elimination.

1. Know that you can

It was Barack Obama who made the phrase especially famous “ yes we can ”. Later, other political parties and social movements also adopted it. Because? Because the first thing we must be clear about to not sabotage ourselves is to know that the proposed goals are possible. And vice versa, propose goals that are.

Only when we eliminate negative beliefs from our minds and begin to know ourselves capable of achieving the objectives set, will we be able to eliminate personal sabotage.. Of course, remember, goals must be achievable and sensible, otherwise frustration will soon set in.

2. Stop procrastinating

Classic self-sabotaging behavior is procrastination. If we keep postponing something that is important, it is more difficult to achieve the goal we have defined. Some keys to stop procrastinating are:

Assign deadlines for completing a task.Establish a schedule.Do the simplest activities first that require the least investment of time.Divide the task into smaller tasks.Provide rewards after a small goal has been achieved.Schedule breaks.Say no to tasks. distracting stimuli (people, situations, things).

3. Be motivated to overcome self-sabotage

Following Baldwin (2002), only motivated people are capable of knowing themselves with the ability to see their aspirations realized. So, when setting a goal, think. Is it really the one you want most among all the possible alternatives, and do you have the right motivation to achieve it?

If you don’t know how to motivate yourself, use techniques such as creating an action plan in which to overcome small objectives until the final goal, create a diary about your personal project in which you write down your progress, or discuss your plan with people you trust. This will somehow help you increase the feeling of commitment.

4. Being patient is the key

Only patient people usually achieve their goals. Because? Because they know that they have to go little by little, overcoming stages, and enjoying each one of them. Rushing, if the goal is not reached, generates frustration and worsens self-concept.

5. Accept that nothing is easy

It is also important that we are aware that few roads are simple. Therefore, it is necessary to be prepared for any setback. Only then will we be ready to face each problem with a positive and effective attitude.

6. Let go of perfectionism

Maybe we think too much about every detail and that everything has to be right. We have to learn to strive for excellence, not perfection. We have to make small improvements and observe the progress on the way to achieving the goal we want to achieve.

7. Promoting balance is key to overcoming self-sabotage

Stability is also basic to avoid self-sabotage. So, obtaining stability at all levels, both physical, mental and emotional, will help us not lose the tenacity to achieve the goal.

Do you think that would you be able to overcome self-sabotage? In reality, once you have a good self-concept, it is not difficult. With patience, determination and a firm step, it is difficult for you to encounter obstacles high enough to keep you from your goals.

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