The subtle trap of false modesty

Modesty is a quality, generally, very positively perceived. When we are faced with a talented person who also appears simple, we tend to evaluate him or her doubly favorably. And this, precisely, is what those individuals who go through life wearing the mask of false modesty cling to. They want to obtain recognition for their work and also for their humility, and what is this but arrogance?

And it is that We all know someone who is an expert at bragging about their virtues in a veiled way. Who complains about being tired from so many vacation trips, or who complains about the appearance of their hair knowing that it is one of their best attributes. The intentions of these people are transparent to the eyes of those who listen to them, since it is evident that it is a false modesty.

Modesty as a virtue

The appreciation of modesty as a positive quality is widespread. From a young age we learn to thank timidly and lower our heads when praised., no longer exposing our triumphs directly. In some way they instruct us that the value of our actions is only such when others discover it.

Thus It is not socially acceptable for you to go around boasting about your physical appearance or your great talent for singing or sports.. And, on the other hand, it’s great when another person notices it for themselves and compliments you. Modesty and humility are very laudable values, but they constitute a double-edged sword.

Our modesty should arise from a deep understanding that we are human beings, just like everyone else. That is, we have our virtues and qualities, but also our failures and areas for improvement. And, just as we stand out in one area, other people shine in others.

Sincere humility comes from those people capable of valuing themselves and others at the same level. Of those individuals who know themselves, accept themselves and are at peace with who they are.

However, Frequently, this ideal is distorted and “modesty” ends up becoming a serious limitation on self-esteem.. Sometimes we grow up feeling that it is bad to value, express and share our achievements. We repress our virtues or downplay them, since this is how we are perceived as good and modest people. But this attitude has a deep impact on our own perception of ourselves.

To enjoy good self-esteem and a positive self-concept we need to know and recognize our talents. We need to give them value and feel satisfied with our performance. Misunderstood modesty can lead us to undervalue ourselves and feel insufficient.

The reason for false modesty

But, What then happens to those people who disguise their arrogance with humility?. Why say: “I’m tired of always being told that I look younger than I am”, instead of saying: it’s good that I look younger!

Well, simply because modesty is a desirable quality and these people know it. They want to boast about their appearance, their personality and their success. They want to appear competent and appear superior to others, they want to make their achievements evident. But They are fully aware that if they do it openly, they will make a bad impression.

For this reason, they resort to feigned complaints and lamentations that, in truth, hide arrogance.. “What a bummer! We no longer even know where to put all the medals the child wins.” With this twisted phrase I boast about my son’s virtues and also seem to downplay the importance of the matter.

However, The reality is that false modesty is easily detected by any interlocutor.. In front of these people one does not get the impression that they are humble, but rather that they are presumptuous and, furthermore, insincere. Which generates an even stronger feeling of rejection.

Thus The healthiest thing is to get used to being able to share our achievements in a healthy and sincere way. There is nothing wrong with valuing who you are and being happy about your successes. Furthermore, from this position of sincerity we will also be able to recognize our failures and the virtues of others. Giving rise to a sincere modesty that reminds us that we are all human.

Image courtesy of Konstantin Da Costa.

You might be interested…