7 fundamental actions to forget an impossible love

An impossible love is one that never becomes a relationship stable, or ending before it has started. Although it may sound paradoxical, it is those loves that generate the most pain and are sometimes the most difficult to leave behind. And it is paradoxical because if they did not finally become a romantic relationship, in theory they should not give rise to so much suffering.

The most practical ones do not complicate their lives with an impossible love. When they see that there is not the slightest possibility, they accept it and put an end to it in time. There are other people who It is difficult to accept that nothing is going to happen and they find obstacles to give up your illusions.

One way or another, an impossible love is never forgotten. It leaves great marks, precisely because it has not been lived or worn out at the moment when it is time to give it up: the idealization has not been broken. But even if it is not completely forgotten, yes it is possible to process that feeling and manage to put it aside to move forward. These are 8 tips to achieve it.

1. Recognize that pain is normal

Impossible loves hurt. He « heartbreak » It is a very real physical sensation: the pain of rejection activates brain regions that intervene when we have physical pain. It’s natural to feel hurt if you love someone who doesn’t love you back. Accepting that your feelings are normal can help you process them.

Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. There’s nothing wrong with feeling bad, as long as you don’t get stuck there. It is healthier to allow yourself to be sad than to try to suppress those emotions.

2. Define what makes it an impossible love

There is a big difference between a difficult love and an impossible love. The latter has no possibility of existing. The most frequent case It is that of someone who loves, but it is not reciprocated. In these cases there is no true love. True love is always two.

Of course you can try to win over someone who doesn’t show interest at first. At the same time, it is also important to understand that there is a point at which it is necessary to accept that the attempt has no future. The same applies to other impossibilities that usually have that same element in common: one wants and the other doesn’t. If there is no mutual feeling, there is no viability.

3. Examine your fantasies about love

Letting go of an impossible love is sometimes difficult due to the different fantasies that have been installed in culture and interpersonal relationships. For example, that of “the better half” or that of the “love of my life.” From these imaginaries the idea arises that there is only one person “predestined” to be our partner.

Although it is a nice fantasy, it does not correspond to reality. Human beings have an infinite capacity to love. When you live a relationship, face its end and draw from it the experience and wisdom it brought, generally, the next relationship is even better.

We can always start over and every new experience can be better than the previous one. In fact, the years prepare us to love with greater generosity and tolerance when we do not remain anchored in those impossible desires; the same ones that sometimes cross each other.

4. Recognize the negative aspects

Falling in love makes us idealize people and situations. This leads us to attribute qualities to them that they do not have. To get rid of these unrealistic fantasies, we must evaluate the attributes of that person and be aware of their defects.

What defects does that person have that you think you love so much? What unsatisfactory aspects are there or were there in the situations you shared with her or him? Could you think about how those flaws and errors would manifest themselves in about 10 years? Those are the questions you should ask yourself and try to answer with total honesty. Your perspective will likely be more realistic in the end.

5. Accept that it is time to forget

It is the most difficult step. When a person wants to be in a loving relationship with someone and it is not possible, reactions similar to those that an addict has during withdrawal syndrome occur. Emotional, and even physical, discomfort is sometimes difficult to tolerate. It seems that love can become a addiction, according to an article published in Philosophy, psychiatry & psychology .

And just as it happens in addictions, The most difficult thing is to accept that dependence exists, that it generates deep suffering and that one feels helpless in the face of it.. It seems easy to admit, but it is not. Sometimes we are capable of inventing and rationalizing any excuse to not accept that, in fact, we are victims of dependency. When you manage to accept it, you take the most important step. This focuses and clarifies the steps to follow.

6. Delete links and delete memories

After accepting that it is time to leave that impossible love behind, What follows is to begin cutting all remaining links. This means not calling, not trying new meetings, distancing yourself from your friends and doing everything that allows you to break the ties you maintain with that person. In particular, break any links on social networks: they are very treacherous.

In this same logic, it is necessary to suppress memories. Delete the photographs, move away the gifts. If you are not ready to part with them, simply gather them and store them in a place that is difficult for you to access. If your decision is already firmer, break everything. It is a way to blur and dilute the presence of that impossible love.

7. Change your routine, try something new

It’s time to start a new stage. Impossible love perhaps occupied many of your hours, your days and even your years. Letting him go won’t be easy. However, if you decide to make that change, everything will gradually become easier. Surely there are things that you have always wanted to do and for one reason or another you have been putting off. Now is the time to attend to those “pending”.

The time of final goodbye is also the time to venture out to new activities or new places. Traveling is always an excellent alternative. How about you propose it? Likewise, it is worth exploring your skills, taking a course that leads you to meet new people, or practicing an interesting hobby. Life goes on and there are thousands of things to do.

8. Give time to time

There are loves and loves, and some of them leave traces so deep that they do not go away no matter how many tidal fluctuations occur. An impossible love almost always takes root for a long time and refuses to be evoked. It is something that, in any case, is not achieved overnight. It requires decision, courage and character. It will be difficult and there will be small relapses, but time will help you grow.

If you are clear that you cannot continue nurturing a love that cannot be; If you also cut ties and decide to start a new life, little by little you will get that person to occupy a different place in your mind and heart. You will progressively feel greater peace in your soul. You will discover that in that process of loving and then letting go, you have learned a lot and grown more..