7 essential questions every dating couple needs to know how to answer

Dating is a very beautiful time. At this stage, we feel anxious to meet the other person, some show their tender side and many surprises and memories are registered.

At the same time, along with this whirlwind of feelings, dating is a process of preparation and maturation, when a couple discovers each other and walks towards a definitive commitment.

In this process, part dangerous and part sublime, we are not afraid to make promises that, for others, would seem risky: “forever” seems until recently when we are next to the ones we love. But can “forever” be possible? How can you know that this “forever” is viable?

Here are some questions that every boyfriend or girlfriend should be able to answer before starting this adventure called marriage.

1. Why do you love Me?

This question can be quite disconcerting for some, because if we’re together it’s because we love each other! Right? But what do we mean by love? A good definition is “the ability to do something for others”. If this concept is well assimilated, everything is easier to understand. You then learn to forget a personal preference, to sacrifice yourself, even if it often doesn’t happen easily and pleasantly. “I say no such thing, because I love him; I choose what he prefers, because I love him; I will not be angry, because I love him; I’m not going to buy what I don’t need, because I love it”, and so on: the examples are endless.

2. Will you stay in love when everything becomes routine?

When we’re dating, the worst thing is staying away. But as time passes, routine, excessive worry and fatigue make it more difficult to do things that express: “I love you, you are the most important person to me, I only have eyes for you.” It’s important to express that affection, even when it takes extra effort every day. Love involves sacrifice: the husband must love his wife and show it. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said that “love, to be true, has to cost”. Yes, it’s hard sometimes, but it’s worth it.

3. Will you stand by my side in the hardest times?

Marriage is not an eternal honeymoon: “difficult times” do not just refer to the death or illness of the spouse. These moments are hidden in the middle of everyday life, in the tiredness after work, in the bad mood after an argument, in the exhaustion from staying up taking care of the sick baby, etc. Examples could continue to be listed, but it is already clear: yes, difficult times will happen. We would be deluding ourselves if we thought that by loving each other everything will be perfect. We must remember that, in the midst of adversity, a smile, an offer of help or a small gesture are a great and concrete manifestation of love.

4. What kind of parent do you want to be?

In dating, it’s important to talk about expectations of your children. It’s not enough to say you want to be a good parent, because everyone else wants to be. The question is: what do you mean by “good father” or “good mother”? What values ​​do you want to teach your children? What principles will guide their education? Will you make an effort to be present in their lives? How will you combine your personal and family projects? These are some issues that need to be discussed in dating: in case you didn’t know, after marriage, children usually come.

5. Will you apologize if you’re wrong, even if it’s hard?

Pope Francis gave the following advice to couples: “Let us learn to recognize our mistakes and apologize. ‘Excuse me if I raised my voice today’; ‘sorry if I passed without greeting’; ‘sorry if I’m late’, ‘sorry if I’ve been so silent this week’, ‘sorry if I’ve talked too much without ever listening’; ‘sorry if I forgot’; ‘sorry if I was angry and treated you badly’. Every day we can say ‘I’m sorry’ many times. We must never end the day without asking for forgiveness, without peace returning to our home, to our family. It is normal for spouses to argue, there is always something to discuss. Maybe you’ve argued, maybe a dish has flown, but please remember this: never end the day without making up! Never never never!”

6. Will you be willing to support me when I can’t handle it myself?

There are many ways to understand this question. Emotionally speaking: will you be patient with me when even I can’t? When, for whatever reason, I am frustrated, angry, sad: how long do you think you could stay by my side without getting anything in return? Economically speaking: if I get sick, if I lose my job, if things don’t go as we expect, do you think you’ll be able to provide security for me and our children? Work for both? No one plans to lose their job or get sick. It happens and we don’t know how we would react. But what do you think you would be willing to do?

7. Do you really think getting married is important?

Everywhere we hear that marriage “is just a role”, a social convention. Is that what marriage is for you? A bureaucratic process? It’s important to know what marriage means to the other person, because it’s more than a certificate – much more. It is a total and irrevocable decision of a couple who decide to become the foundation and origin of a family. This cannot be contained in a simple paper, but the legal bond that the paper represents is great: it is the symbol of your total dedication and acceptance of the other. The person who does not make up his mind to love forever will find it very difficult to truly love for one day. Because? Because “forever” is a succession of “nows”. We need to be faithful in the little things, day by day, to be faithful forever.

a final warning

No one starts the competition without prior training. Dating is exactly that: training. Perhaps someone who has read this text thinks: “But it is very difficult; who will want to get married if that’s the case?” Well, it’s not about being afraid of getting married: it’s about getting married knowing that it won’t be easy, it won’t be a bed of roses, but it’s going to be wonderful. It’s good for the couple to know this, so they don’t panic when these difficulties happen during their marriage.