There’s a lot of misinformation out there about what it takes to be a great girlfriend. It’s not just about cooking your favorite food, having the best hug or the most crazily unforgettable kiss (I’m not saying these things don’t help, but they don’t get to the heart of the matter!).

Understanding how men think and what they need in a relationship it makes a huge difference in the way you relate to each other.

The main prerequisite for being in a great relationship is be your best self. One trap many people fall into is blaming their partner when problems arise.

It doesn’t work like that, however. You can’t make someone what you want them to be. All you can do is bring your best to the relationship.

Here are six ways to be the most amazing girlfriend ever!

1. Be direct (not passive aggressive)

Most relationship problems occur because a woman expects a man to meet her needs and then resents him when he doesn’t. She doesn’t ask for what she wants because he should “know”. She can give you tips to help him and get even angrier when he doesn’t notice. The man, in turn, is frustrated because nothing he does seems to be good enough. Eventually he gets discouraged and stops trying and she feels even more resentful.

Neither side has bad intentions, the problem is that they are not communicating properly and the reason is because men and women have very different communication styles. Men don’t pick up nuances and subtleties in the same way as women, they need things explained in a clear, direct and objective way – sometimes you even need to draw.

If you’re mad at him, don’t act passively aggressively until he asks what’s wrong (to which you can answer “nothing”, and he will understand that nothing is wrong and you will continue to be stressed because he should know), just tell him what he did wrong. In relationships, it’s usually not what you say, it’s how you say it.

If you tell a guy something he is doing that is hurting you in a loving and compassionate way, I guarantee he will try to make it right.

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If you act angry and resentful, he will be less motivated to correct the mistake. Freud is considered one of the most brilliant minds in psychology and even he had no idea what women want, so how do you expect the average guy to do it?

SEE TOO:

31 Ways He’s Proving He Loves You (Without Even Having to Say It)

2. Enjoy it

Most women don’t realize how men love to be appreciated, I certainly had no idea until I started writing about relationships full-time. The problem is that we usually love others the way we like to feel love. Women often feel loved when a man pays full attention to her and her needs.

In turn, many women will give more than they will, and while this is very nice and appreciated, it is not what men really want.

What a man deeply desires is to feel recognized and appreciated for what he offers and does. He wants to feel that his efforts have been a success – that applies to everything he does, from taking her out for a fancy dinner to taking out the kitchen trash.

If he takes you on a good date, acknowledge that attitude and appreciate him for it and tell him you had a wonderful time. Men generally respond best to compliments about something they’ve done rather than who they are.

When a woman truly sees and appreciates her man, it makes him feel like the ultimate winner and will do anything to keep her happy.

3. Give him space when he needs it

Another big difference between men and women is the way they deal with everyday stress and difficulties. While women typically seek out their friends and want to talk about it, men prefer to retreat to the proverbial man’s cave and deal with it on their own.

A woman might get upset when this happens and think he’s leaving her out of his life, but it really has nothing to do with her, it’s how he handles things.

If your boyfriend seems stressed and starts withdrawing, just leave him. Don’t mention him or offer unsolicited advice or talk about why he’s not trusting you. If he wants to talk about it with you, he will.

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If he doesn’t and you continue to pressure him, you will just be another source of stress in his life that he has to deal with and he will withdraw even further.

Men intuitively know that it’s not easy for a woman to give him space when he needs it, and if you can do that without feeling angry or resentful toward him, you’ll be the woman who touches him more than anyone else.

4. Keep your own life out of the relationship

This tip isn’t just for his own good, it’s for you too. I swear sometimes I feel like I should throw a going away party when a friend of mine starts dating because she’s going to literally disappear from the map! I know I won’t see her at Saturday parties or fun nights.

She won’t want to go out with the girls over the weekend. It’s never easy to come face to face with her, and eventually you give up and resign yourself to the fact that you’ll only see her again in your marriage, or if she ever becomes single again (in which case, she’ll be back in full).

It’s not just my friends, women make this mistake all the time (myself included!).

They get into a relationship and the guy becomes the sole center of their universe. That was never healthy!

On the one hand, it kind of puts your relationship on a hold pattern and creates a scenario where you could be dating for years and years without taking the ‘next step’. If a guy has you by his side all the time, there’s no reason for him to take that extra step, but that’s another discussion…

Another issue is that your relationship cannot be your only source of happiness and fulfillment in your life. You need to have a balanced life with various components that fill it in different areas.

If you throw all that away for the sake of your man, then you add a lot of pressure to the relationship and you will never feel completely satisfied with what you are getting out of the relationship (especially since no one can be your everything).

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You may start to resent your partner and feel like he owes you more since you gave up so many things for him, but that’s not fair because the sacrifices you made were your choice.

5. Take care of yourself

Don’t stop working out, eating healthy, shaving. Shave your legs, dry your hair, or do any other healthy or beautifying activity that is part of your pre-relationship with life.

Look, you don’t always have to be red carpet ready, but you should make an effort to keep up your looks for yourself and your man as well.

This will keep the passion alive in your relationship and it is also very good for a man when a woman strives to look beautiful for him.

6. Smile without moderation!

This is another tip that will help your relationship enormously, but also your life in general. Men can’t resist a woman with a smile. In fact, every man I know has said that a positive attitude is the most attractive quality a woman can have.

Look, life isn’t always going to be rainbows and sunshine, sometimes the poop hits the fan, but your life will be a much better place if you can face it all with a smile and the conviction that everything will work out.

That kind of energy is contagious, it draws people to you and makes you the kind of woman he wants to be with forever. Don’t use your guy as an emotional dumping ground. When he gets home, greet him with a smile on your face…

Try to see the good in every situation, both in your relationship and outside of it. The things that happen in our lives, most of the time, are neutral, what makes them good or bad is our perception and the thoughts we attribute to that event.