O narcissistic personality disordercontrary to what they believe, has nothing to do with self-confidence or egocentrism.
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When someone posts a lot of selfies and photos on their profile and the focus of the conversation is constantly talking about themselves during a first date, we can call them a narcissist.
But a true narcissist is someone with narcissistic personality disorder (TPN). It is a mental health condition characterized by:
- inflated ego
- Above-the-ordinary sense of importance
- A deep need for excessive attention and admiration
- Lack of empathy with others
- Commonly have relationship problems
What it boils down to, says licensed therapist Ticiana Teves Durães from UniMetrocamp Wyden College, narcissistic personality disorder it is selfishness at the (often extreme) expense of others, plus the inability to consider the feelings of others.
NPD, like most mental or personality disorders, is not black and white. “Narcissism falls on a spectrum,” explains Ticiana.
The most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists nine criteria for NPD, but specifies that someone only needs to meet five of them to clinically qualify as a narcissist.
9 official criteria for TPN
- grandiose sense of self-importance
- preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- belief that they are special and unique and can only be understood or should be associated with other special or high-status people or institutions
- need for excessive admiration
- sense of entitlement
- interpersonal exploitative behavior
- lack of empathy
- envy of others or a belief that others are jealous of them
- display of arrogant behavior or attitudes
That said, knowing the “official” diagnostic criteria usually doesn’t make it easy to identify a narcissist, especially when you’re romantically involved with one. It is usually not possible to determine whether someone has NPD without diagnosis from a qualified specialist.
Also, when someone is wondering if they’re dating a narcissist, they’re usually not thinking, “Does he have NPD?” This person is wondering if the way they are being treated is healthy and sustainable in the long run. Please avoid diagnosing your partner in conversation. Instead, keep reading this article for some information about the health of your relationship.
You are here because you are concerned, and that concern is valid if your health is at stake. If you think these signs fit, we’ll also give you tips on how to handle the situation.
11 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
1. He/she was charming… at the beginning of the relationship
It started out as a fairy tale. Maybe he/she constantly texts you or tells you he/she loves you within the first month – something experts call a “love bomb”.
Maybe he’ll tell you how smart you are or emphasize how compatible you are, even if you’ve just started dating.
“Narcissists think they deserve to be with other people who are special, and that special people are the only ones who can fully appreciate them,” says Ticiana Teves Durães of UniMetrocamp Wyden College.
But as soon as you do something that disappoints them, they can turn on you.
And you usually have no idea what you did exactly, says Ticiana. “How narcissists treat you, or when they turn on you, actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your own beliefs.”
Friendly advice: If someone goes too far early in the relationship, be cautious. Of course, we all like to feel wanted. But true love has to be nurtured and cultivated.
SEE TOO: 20 Signs That What You’re Living Is True Love
2. He/she always monopolizes the conversation, talking about how great he/she is
Narcissists love to constantly talk about their own accomplishments and achievements with grandiosity. They do this because they feel better and smarter than everyone else, and also because it helps them create an appearance of self-confidence.
Pay attention to this: What happens when you talk about yourself? Does he/she ask follow-up questions and express interest in learning more about you? Or does he/she pretend he/she didn’t even hear and shift the focus of the conversation to his/her life again?
SEE ALSO: Are you a victim of gaslighting in your relationship? Understand what this ABUSE is and know what to do
3. He/she feeds on your compliments
Narcissists can seem overconfident. But, according to Ticiana, most people with narcissistic personality disorder has no self-esteem.
“They need a lot of praise, and if you don’t give it to them, they’ll look for it,” she says. That’s why they’re constantly looking at you to tell you how great they are.
Here’s the tip: people who are truly self-confident don’t depend on anyone to feel good about themselves.
SEE ALSO: How to identify and fix a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP in the simplest way possible
4. Narcissists don’t have empathy
A lack of empathy, or the inability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmarks of a narcissist.
Narcissists don’t have the ability to make you feel seen, validated, understood, or accepted because they don’t understand the concept of feelings.
Does your partner care when you’ve had a bad day at work, fight with your best friend, or fight with your parents? Or does he get bored when you express the things that make you sad?
This inability to sympathize is often the reason why many, if not all, narcissists’ relationships eventually collapse, whether they are romantic or not.
SEE ALSO: Toxic Relationships: To Heal Yourself, You Need To Walk Away!
5. Narcissists don’t have any (or many) longtime friends
Most narcissists don’t have real long-term friends. Delve deeper into their connections and you may notice that they only have casual acquaintances and enemies.
As a result, they can attack you when you want to hang out with yours. They might claim you don’t spend enough time with them, make you feel guilty about spending time with your friends, or scold you for the types of friends you have.
SEE ALSO: 4 Ways to Disarm a Handler
6. He/she keeps teasing you
Maybe at first it seemed silly… but then it got bad or became constant.
Suddenly, everything you do, from what you wear and eat to who you hang out with and what you watch on TV, is a problem for him/her.
Narcissists will put you down, curse you, hit you with insulting phrases and make jokes that aren’t funny at all. Their goal is to lower others’ self-esteem so they can raise yours, because it makes them feel powerful.
SEE ALSO: 13 Things You Should NOT Tolerate In A Relationship
OK, So You’re Dating a Narcissist… Now What?
If you’re in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, chances are you’ve experienced some of all of the listed above.
Being in a relationship with someone who is always criticizing, belittling, belittling, and not committing to you is emotionally draining. That’s why, for your own sanity, experts recommend ending the relationship.
How to Prepare to End a Relationship with a Narcissist
- Constantly remind yourself that you deserve the best.
- Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family.
- Build a support network with friends and family who can help you through the process.
- Encourage your partner to go to therapy.
- If necessary, seek the help of a professional.
“You cannot change a person with narcissistic personality disorder or make her happy by loving her enough or changing yourself to suit her whims and desires. They will never be in tune with you, never empathetic to your experiences, and you will always feel empty after an interaction with them,” says Ticiana.
“Narcissists cannot feel fulfilled in relationships or in any area of their lives because nothing is special enough for them,” he adds.
Essentially, you will never be enough for them because they are never enough for themselves.
The best thing you can do is cut ties. Do not offer them any explanation. Don’t offer a second chance. End the relationship and don’t offer a second, third or fourth chance.
SEE ALSO: How to END A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT BEING YOUR EX’S ENEMY
Since a narcissist will likely make attempts to contact you and harass you with calls or text messages after you have fully processed the rejection, it is recommended to block them to help you stick to your decision.
Remember if: this article is not intended to diagnose your partner. It is intended to outline unacceptable behaviors and reactions in the context of a love relationship. None of these signs point to a healthy or unhealthy relationship.
And having one or six of these signs doesn’t make your partner a narcissist. Instead, it’s a good cause to re-evaluate whether or not you’re thriving in your relationship. You are not responsible for his behavior, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself.
Signs of an abusive relationship
What is an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP? 4 Things You Should Know Right Away!
The Cruel Truth About “Almost Relationships” and Why You Should Never Get Into One
13 Signs You’re Being an OPTION instead of a PRIORITY in your relationship
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