6 problems that can rock your marriage – and how to overcome them

Having good and bad moments is normal in every relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together! Solving the couple’s problems requires patience, dedication and working in partnership with your partner, knowing how to listen to the other side as well. Know the most common points of disagreement in marriage:

Different life goals

It’s a classic: one wants to live in the countryside and the other in the capital. Or one wants to travel with the money saved and the other wants to make a down payment on a property to get out of rent. Differences in goals like these trigger an alert: something is wrong in your relationship. If everything was fine and the two of them were feeling complete, they would give in a little to make both of them happy. Is this difference in plans causing serious fights and the marriage has gone to hell? Stop, think and talk a lot to see what you can compromise for harmony. There’s always a third alternative that mixes the desires of the two and doesn’t hurt anyone. What about?

lack of mutual admiration

We find it easy to look at the defects of the other. So much so that sometimes we are not even aware that the person has positive points. For a couple to get along, they need to be sensitive to perceive qualities and know that they should be valued and said to the other. “Finding good things in a partner is better than looking at defects”, says José Roberto Leite, coordinator of Behavioral Medicine at Unifesp (SP).

Infidelity

Betrayal brings a lot of suffering. When a person discovers infidelity, virtual or real, they feel disappointed, anguished and, above all, terrified with the idea that it all happens again. “It’s hard to advise someone in this situation, but if you decide to forgive, the right thing would be to really give the relationship a second chance. She starts from scratch, trusting her husband again. Living in fear of a new betrayal will make the relationship unbearable, with exaggerated jealousy”, says psychologist Magdalena Ramos. One important thing to overcome and get back to being happy is figuring out the factors that may have caused the cheating. Is it a lack of desire to have sex? Are you paying too much attention to the children and neglecting your husband? Is he too needy? If the couple can fix the problems that are pulling them apart together, it’s easier to keep the marriage strong.

lack of sexual desire

This subject is very delicate and can be the precursor of betrayal, which is not at all healthy for the couple! It is necessary to investigate: why did the desire end? Perhaps because of a health problem, which can be cured. The main thing is that neither of you should blame the other for the lack of desire, but assume that the problem will be solved in partnership. “We are open to monologue, but not to dialogue. We want to talk and we don’t want to listen, but knowing the desires and sufferings of the other is very important”, says Leite. Face the problem, see the interests of each one and it will be much easier to reach consensus.

Divergences of ideas in the education of children

Seeking information is one of the main solutions when the father and mother do not agree on the method of raising their children. Talk to teachers, pedagogues and school psychologists. Look for books on the subject and try to learn together how best to treat children. But, regardless of different beliefs and expectations, keep in mind that the objective is the same: to create people of character, with virtues. Recent American surveys have proven that those who have good virtues and positive characteristics are happier. And that’s what father and mother always want, right?

Financial problems

Many couples can’t even talk about this topic. And in some cases, just talking is not enough. You need to seek help from experts to see where the overspending is. But you have to know that when the couple is suffering financially, it’s both to blame. Together, they need to draw up a life plan and see what their goals are with the money they receive every month. Balancing finances is spending less than you earn to save something. And it’s good to keep in mind: the loss of one is the loss of both; the profit of one is the profit of both. It is important to cultivate companionship and share responsibility for the family’s bills in order to get out of the financial and loving crisis.