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The perfect mother never lets her child cry and dedicates herself fully to him. say “no” it’s out of her vocabulary. Right? Extremely wrong. This is a common sin of mothers eager to get it right. “Often, a child needs to cry in order to be completely happy afterwards”, warns Tânia Zagury, philosopher and author of Filhos: Manual de Instructions (ed. Record). See how you can be an even better mother:
1. Show your love: “That comes first,” says Tania Zagury. The mother who caresses and says “I love you” better educates and prepares her child for the world.
two. Be fair: Parents teach justice by example. The rules inside the house must apply to everyone, but it is necessary to analyze each case. In a family where one is much older than the other, for example, it is not possible to have equal rules.
3. Stay impartial: parents have to be careful not to label a child. Saying things like “too bad you’re not like your brother” makes the child grow up insecure.
4. Be consistent: if today the child cannot sleep late to watch TV, tomorrow he will not be able to either. “It’s no use putting the rules down one day and then changing them the next”, Tânia teaches.
5. Impose limits: Parents don’t have to receive their children’s approval – nor should they expect it. They cannot worry about whether they are being kind to the child or adolescent, but guide them. The lack of boundaries can be felt as abandonment. It is necessary to impose limits, have a well-established routine, accompany the child in school development, know how to say “no” when necessary – and keep the “no”.
Know how to act in every situation
· “I come home tired and my son still wants to play with me”
What to do? Be honest, when you get home, the mother who works outside may even joke, but she’s dying to “call it a day”. “Why not talk to the child while he plays and you do the dishes? This shows that her company is desired”, suggests Tânia Zagury in the book Educar sem Culpa (ed. Record).
· “My daughter wants to talk about sex”
What to do? Chat without fear! If the subject embarrasses her, don’t force the issue: buy a book on the subject and give it to her.
🇧🇷 “My son hits a friend”
What to do? Lead by example. Violence must always be fought, no matter where it comes from. Talk to your child, but also think carefully about the examples he has at home. It’s no use saying that it’s ugly to hit and spank him when he does something wrong.
· “I want to give my son everything I didn’t have”
What to do? This will usually boils down to the financial field. “Learning to share and bear a little frustration are part of life’s learning”, says the expert.
🇧🇷 “Sometimes I feel like giving the kid a slipper!”
What to do? Spanking doesn’t solve the problem, and it adds to the problem: if the spanking doesn’t work, it can turn into a spanking. Afterwards, parents feel guilty and try to redeem themselves by letting their child do exactly what they violently forbade.
🇧🇷 “I saw my son cutting the queue at the canteen”
What to do? Note details. Many parents allow “lesser” offenses, such as piercing
the queue, interrupting someone’s speech or not giving way to an elderly person. It is from these little things that you teach respect to the other!
How to act when he says “I hate you, Mom!”
Keep calm. This is a way to vent dissatisfaction with something you did (or didn’t let you do). remember that he doesn’t hate what you actually hate is being crossed. “Parents have to know that their children will always criticize them, until they become a parent”, teaches Tania. In the future, he’ll recognize that having a bedtime and eating healthy food isn’t boring, it’s love. “It is vital to guide and set boundaries for a child who is doing something wrong. This is love!” concludes Tania.
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