5 Negative Thoughts That Could Be Harming Your Happiness

Our mind has much more power than we imagine. This does not mean that an optimistic person will be radiant and joyful all the days of his life and will never go through difficult situations. We are all subject to, at one time or another, for one small or large reason, feeling sad, discouraged and even depressed. However, with good thoughts, it is much easier to accept the facts, face difficult moments and take life more lightly!

On the other hand, the person who often has negative thoughts about himself, everything and everyone around him, tends to have a more difficult, heavy routine…

Maria Regina Altoé Marcantonio, psychotherapist of adolescents, young people, adults, couples and families, emphasizes that the basis for most behaviors is thought. “What you think about yourself, about the other, about what happens around you, often defines the way you act and react. They are fully connected to your personal fears, frustrations, successes and mistakes,” she explains.

Below you can see a list of some negative thoughts that could be hampering your happiness, which, if any, you should get rid of as soon as possible!

1. “I’m not good company”

Some people, for a variety of reasons, do not consider themselves to be good company, they are afraid of starting a conversation with a stranger, going to a group of friends, etc. And this all makes them often stop enjoying moments of happiness with loved ones.

According to Maria Regina, in these cases, it is interesting and fundamental to make each person think, in the first place, why they have this idea about themselves. “What could have happened in this person’s life story, what could she have heard or felt that led her to have this negative self-image? Has this situation, moment, comment, already passed or does she think this about herself – eg ‘I don’t know how to talk’, ‘I’m not interesting’ etc. -? Thus, they will, in fact, have difficulties in interacting with the other”, adds the psychotherapist.

In this sense, according to the professional, the important thing is to seek, in herself, what generates this thought. “To try to observe what causes this difficulty in approaching: what is hers and what is the other’s. Sometimes we meet people who can intimidate, make an impact, cause insecurity. Always try to observe yourself and understand why… This is a good way to start a quest for change. Before observing the other, observe what he thinks and feels about this situation”, says Maria Regina.

2. “Only I’m alone, while all my friends are dating”

Maria Regina Altoé explains that, in our culture, we learned for a long time that, in order to be happy and/or to be “assessed as someone who has succeeded in life”, we have to be with someone. “This way of thinking automatically leads to the obligation to be in a relationship. Going down that path, being alone can be understood as synonymous with failure,” she says.

It’s not always pleasant to be one of the only people in a group of friends or family who is alone. But what do you think about it? In your social group, are there charges in relation to this issue?

“Here it is time to reflect on this ‘being alone’: why are you alone at this moment? How was it, what happened in your last relationship? Why did it end? What kind of people have you been dealing with? Do you know what you want, what you look for in the other person? These are broad questions that can help people to understand how they relate and what they are looking for in relationships”, says Maria Regina.

But, emphasizes the psychotherapist, in order to be prepared for any affective relationship, it is important to learn to be alone, to learn to know yourself, that is: “be aware of your weak points, your needs, your certainties, what you like or don’t like”. , so that you can really be with the other”, he says. “I say this is important for any relationship, so we don’t run the risk of putting the responsibility of being happy on the other person,” she adds.

The psychotherapist also highlights: being alone can also be a personal option and does not necessarily mean failure. Therefore, it is worth thinking about whether what really makes you “down” is the fact that you are alone or are the comments and demands that others may make in relation to this.

3. “I don’t understand/accept the end of my relationship”

Psychotherapist Maria Regina explains that the end of a relationship tends to be linked to suffering, precisely because it deals with the issue of loss, with redefining the life project, with frustration, with rejection. Something that will not happen, perhaps, as planned in a previous stage.

“Perhaps the end of a relationship can lead to sadness, personal difficulties, suffering and even depression, for what this end represents at that moment and / or in each one’s life. The person can feel rejected, frustrated, hurt, abandoned etc.”, says the psychotherapist.

“In these cases, it is extremely important, as an emotional learning, for the person to stop and try to understand why this relationship ended, what led to this. Not looking for a culprit, but trying to understand what your part is in this story. This is a fundamental exercise for emotional development”, explains Maria Regina. “Of course, this is not always easy, but it is necessary,” she adds.

But, as the psychotherapist points out, you have to be careful with the idea that every end of a relationship means something bad, it leads to depression. “Not always. The end can also be the result of growth, maturation of the parties involved who, together, decided to go down this path as a solution”, she explains.

You need to focus on the idea that ending a relationship is not necessarily synonymous with suffering exhaustively. “Being fixated on a situation, on a moment in life, doesn’t help to solve it. It can generate more frustration, intolerance, guilt, low self-esteem and difficulty dealing with what is real. Discovering and understanding one’s own fears and difficulties is fundamental to being able to really be whole in a close relationship with another person”, concludes the psychotherapist.

4. “The other person’s life is better than mine”

A popular saying goes: the neighbor’s grass is always greener.

Unfortunately, some people, although they don’t even realize it, follow this idea, because they believe that the life of the other (a friend, a family member, an acquaintance) is better than their own. And that makes them constantly compare themselves to other people. Which, of course, is an unnecessary and negative attitude.

According to psychotherapist Maria Regina, this suggests insecurity, low self-esteem, difficulty in believing what you think, in accepting yourself, fear, instability, etc. “Does this person really know what he wants for his life? The great risk in this type of thinking, of attitude, is not being able to build one’s own identity, not having a solid reference, being vulnerable, influenced and not being able to have an opinion of one’s own. It will tend in the vast majority of cases, if not all, to need someone else’s opinion or approval,” she explains.

“Admiring the other, what he has, what he achieves, recognizing his abilities, is a sign of maturity. But it’s different from ‘using’ the references and everything else as parameters. It depersonalizes”, adds the professional.

5. “I have many flaws and I can’t accept myself as I am”

Self-esteem is the basis for living well, being healthy, relating. “It requires maturity, personal investment and courage. It’s being able to know and recognize what you have that is good, difficult, flaws and qualities and, even so, liking yourself”, says psychotherapist Maria Regina.

“When a person has this self-awareness – and that doesn’t mean that he has been able to accept himself in everything and be perfect – he has freedom, security and confidence to be himself. Then she can be with the other fully. To listen to what the other has to say even if it is not pleasant or easy. This can lead to a discovery, a growth of her and the other. She can accept herself and from there, seek what is happiness for her. This requires time, self-love, acceptance of oneself and then reaching out to the other. Having this basis, optimism is rescued”, explains the psychotherapist.

For Maria Regina, if a person realizes that negative, heavy thoughts have prevailed in their lives, this is already an alert that something may be happening in a distorted way. “It’s time to stop and think, to question these ideas,” she says.

Being optimistic, explains Maria Regina, is having something to live for, smiling even though you are aware that life is not always “beautiful”, etc. “There can be difficult moments in a person’s life, but with patience, discernment, will, courage to move on”, she says. “Being an optimist is believing, having reality as a base, and following in search of realizing what you believe in”, concludes the psychotherapist.

It may seem difficult, all of a sudden, to push all your negative thoughts away. But remember at all times that you have the strength to do so, to turn them into positive thoughts. If so, do not hesitate to seek professional help. The important thing is not to give up your happiness!

The information contained on this page is for informational purposes only. They do not replace the advice and follow-up of doctors, nutritionists, psychologists, physical education professionals and other specialists.