5 characteristics that define toxic families

Dysfunctional families, commonly known as toxic families, are created through harmful patterns of behavior that do not respect the individuality of all their members. It is common for children in these families to be the target of psychological or physical aggression that harms the development and healthy growth of an emotional and stable climate.

Either way, Toxic families are as diverse as destructive attitudes exist. When certain characteristics occur within the same family system, it is possible that we are talking about an environment of ambivalent emotionality, which is identifiable. But what are those characteristics? Let’s see some of them.

1. The absence of individuality

Toxic families are not exactly specialists in respecting the living space of their members. Therefore, in the end they end up converting free affective dynamics into coercive affective dynamics.

The members of that family end up being united out of obligation, not out of devotion. Where we say united it should be read present. To dry. A person contaminated by toxic contacts that diminish their individuality ends up becoming a victim of the need for approval.

This entails the assumption of dissonant and unhealthy responsibilities. Members take extreme attitudes of overprotection or aggression, which incapacitates healthy emotional-social development.

2. Overprotection or total apathy

Again we talk about extremes. As we know, none of them are good. It is understood then that overprotection is the opposite pole of autonomy and freedom, which is why it generates great dependence and emotional damage.

Overprotective people obtain great secondary gains from excessive care, as they make those who are overprotected dependent and keep their lives under control in all aspects. This is, in a way, synonymous with manipulation.

On another opposite point is the total neglect towards parenting or emotional contact within the family. This is almost the same as talking about abandonment, one of the great wounds of childhood that persists when we are adults.

3. The rule of “what is not talked about does not exist”

Avoiding addressing a problem is one of the most common and harmful characteristics. These are impaired communication in its purest form. In reality, verbal incommunication does not imply non-communication, since even silence communicates.

Not talking about conflicts generates real emotional bombs. These bombs grow larger over time, eventually collapsing the entire castle when one day they suddenly explode. This entails the destruction of all well-being, even if this is pure mirage.

4. Lack of flexibility and diffuse limits

The lack of flexibility in all aspects impacts the absence of healthy limits. If one of the members changes, the drama is raised to maximum power. Clearly, the members of the family will set off all the alarms if someone begins to love each other and change their attitude.

We can also find a total and absolute absence of limits, which produces a lack of emotional regulation of the members. Once again we find the tendency towards drama, whether it occurs in a veiled manner or not.

5. Presence of abuse

Like is logic, All of these dysfunctions in communication, affectivity and responsibility lead family members to commit abuse. Within the family they are usually seen as the usual conflicts in a nucleus like this, but they are far from normal.

These abuses can be towards others, such as physical or emotional abuse, or towards oneself. It is in this last case that addictions and self-harm appear, for example.

Causes of a family becoming toxic

Although you have already explored the characteristics of dysfunctional families, you may wonder: what leads a family unit to fall into these dynamics and abuses? The truth is that the reasons are many, varied and serious in most cases. Let’s see the most frequent ones:

Possible psychological disorder, disorder or addiction problem of one of the family members. Abuse of power and an authoritarian style of relationship with others and parenting. Absent parents. Lack of affection. History of abuse in the family. Inability to behave in a coherent and consistent manner. Low self-esteem of some of the family members.

What to do when your family is toxic?

Many times, people go to therapy looking for solutions to deal with their toxic family, which they normalize. For this reason, the first job done in consultation is to reorient the patient so that they identify all the dynamics that harm them in their family. The advice that is usually given below is the following:

The most important thing is the mental health and emotional stability of the patient. It is something that you must internalize.Set limits.Get away from the family (physically, if possible).Work on the guilt of moving away from the family that has made you dependent.Begin to establish healthy dynamics with the rest of the people around you.Work on a healthy attachment.

All of these points are general and abstract: putting them into practice is complicated and often requires therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from people who support you and from a psychology professional.

The 5 characteristics that you have read in this space are pillars on which the mechanism of toxic families is based or, rather, dysfunctional families. Becoming aware of this can help us rescue our individuality and that of the people around us.

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