3 Ways to Set Boundaries in Your Relationship and Why It’s So Important

It’s simple: if you want to have a good relationship with yourself and with others, then you need good boundaries. Unfortunately for me, figuring out how to set boundaries in a relationship was something I didn’t learn as a kid. My parents were (are) very dependent on each other, and I practically slept in their bed until I was a teenager because I was afraid of a ghost that I thought lived in my room. Let’s just say boundaries were never taken seriously in my family.

So when it came to relationships as adults, I had no real idea where it was appropriate to look for my partners. It was the same with friends and business as well. If you grow up without any kind of rules or regulations, it is very difficult to apply them as an adult. However, I believe that people will treat you as you treat yourself, and appropriate boundaries are indicative of good self-esteem and self-respect.

The limits don’t have to be big either. In fact, they can just be little reminders that show someone how you expect to be treated. For example, I’m currently seeing a guy who loves to confirm our dates very late in the day. When we’re supposed to leave, he’ll text me at 7pm, asking, “Hey, all confirmed for 9pm” Dude, you should have checked with me in the morning!

Anyway, the last time he did this, I told him that since I hadn’t heard from him all day, I made other appointments. When I established that boundary with him, he realized he needed to set plans first. While I was annoyed, I didn’t get to see him that night (I really wanted to), but I couldn’t keep waiting for him and showing him that our relationship revolved around his schedule.

By setting boundaries with our partners, we defend ourselves and exhibit self-respect and self-esteem. Like magic, your self-passion will increase and treat you accordingly, as you always wanted to be treated.

For that reason, today I’m bringing you some ways to set boundaries in a relationship so you can get what you want. Because you and your relationship deserve the best.

1. Discover the limits you have for yourself

In order to have set boundaries with another person, you must know the ones you have with you first. What standards do you expect from yourself and others? What do you want to give someone and what do you want them to give you?

When we’re talking about boundaries, the first person to start with is ourselves. Do some self-analysis in your life – do you have clear boundaries on what is appropriate for you when it comes to relationships? Do you know what lifts you up and what brings you down?

We often get into trouble in relationships because we don’t clearly define these boundaries within ourselves. And so, we will attract partners who highlight this lack of limit within us.

But since everything has a bright side, pain and failed relationships are really good for us because they allow us to work on the issues that still need to be healed. Every overly toxic relationship I’ve been in has been a lesson in learning boundaries and developing standards for myself and my partners. You can and should learn and grow a lot from your mistakes.