20 Truths Married Women Hide From Single Friends

This week I chatted online with a friend, a single 30-something with no kids, who I think is wonderful — and you would think the same if you knew her. She’s smart, beautiful, and dedicating her professional life to making the world a better place. She is the best.

But there’s a catch: she’s single. And she’s worried, or at least she’s feeling a slight but persistent uneasiness, like she’s missing something. My conversation with her confirmed something I’ve realized for some time, but which many of us married women would probably never admit: We’re “cheating” on our single friends, and in a serious way.

“Not me!” you declare. You love your single friends. He values ​​the diversity they bring to his life. Who gives a shit if they’re married or not? Not you, who is a loving, tolerant woman who supports her friends and wants them to find happiness and fulfillment in life. Just it. So what if marriage is not part of their present or future?

I believe you, yes. Even so, I still think that many of us, myself included, are either cheating on our single women friends or not being entirely honest with them. To prove my point, here are the top 20 ways we married women act mean to our single friends.

1. We ask our single friend all the time if she has ever met “someone special”.

2. We tell our husbands too much about your relationship problems, our friends.

3. We take the opportunity when you break up with your boyfriends to feel relief that, as bad as marriage can sometimes be, at least we are no longer looking for someone to date.

4. We didn’t reveal to you that some of our most lonely moments in life happened when we were already married.

5. We imagine that you are better in bed than we are.

6. We envy the freedom you enjoy.

7. We think, but don’t say, that you would be more flexible if you had partners.

8. We envy you that you don’t always have to compromise.

9. We wanted to have time to do our own thing, like you do.

10. We tell you horrible things about our partners and then, when we’re over things, we hope you’ll forget about them.

11. We worry about you, thinking you are alone. And that they are feeling lonely.

12. We put pressure on you to get married and have children.

13. We are ashamed and don’t want you to see how we wash our husbands’ underpants, give up our careers and assume other traditional gender roles.

14. We hope you understand and forgive us immediately when we fail to call you back, email or text you.

15. Intentionally or not, we sometimes make you feel that your life is not complete until you find a husband and start a family.

16. We think you are too demanding and selective.

17. We fail to tell our single friend that when she meets someone, she should be with them exactly who she really is, because eventually the person will see all the good and bad about her. So it’s best to make everything clear right away.

18. We didn’t tell you that we noticed that you always repeat the same mistakes with the people you date.

19. We give you relationship advice even though we have no idea what we’re talking about and haven’t slept with our husbands in months.

20. We neglect to tell our single friend that marriage won’t solve her problems or make her happier with herself.

If you’re like me, you probably realized pretty quickly that marriage isn’t magic. It doesn’t make problems go away, it doesn’t improve your self-esteem. If you’re like me, you know that trying to combine your problems and quirks with someone else’s is a lifelong project that requires care, patience, and the ability to forgive, all in infinite doses. So why do we apply subtle pressure to our friends to follow our example? And why do we encourage them to accept the notion that we are not complete as women until we find a partner and have children?

To the single girls in my life: I apologize for asking you too much if you’ve met someone special, or for telling my husband about your relationship issues. I’m sorry I didn’t reveal that, in my opinion, the guys you date have serious intimacy issues and will probably never give you what you want. I hope you never fail to tell me about your latest adventure in some faraway land, the amazing job you just landed, or a sexy new position I can try with my love. Our marital status may be different, but I guarantee you one thing: we are much more alike than you will ever know.

Article published at brasilpost.com.br