180 sarcastic phrases to vent your ironic side on social media

They say sarcasm is a sign of weakness, but who gives a damn what others think?!

While some may think sarcasm is childish, the vast majority believe that sarcasm is actually a sign of superior intelligence. After all, it was Oscar Wilde who wrote: “Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, but the highest form of intelligence.”

Did you see?! We sarcastics are very smart! Seriously, there is a lot of scientific merit to such claims. A 2015 study covered by Scientific American found that sarcasm can really increase the flow of creativity.

Think with me: sarcasm doesn’t come out of nowhere. You have to be very quick and smart to make a sarcastic comment without missing the timing of the moment. Somehow, sarcasm is creativity 😉

But tread carefully – on the other end of the spectrum, many therapists warn that Sarcasm can significantly damage relationships. So while flexing our sarcastic muscles can be good for our creative projects and future IQs, an excessive amount of sarcasm can take you into dangerous territory with your friends and family.

Willing to take the risk? Here are the 180 best sarcastic phrases to vent your ironic side on social media

Sarcastic phrases

• When people ask me stupid questions, it’s my legal obligation to make a sarcastic comment.

• I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

• Silence is golden. That’s why you can’t shut up, huh?!

• I’m busy right now, can I ignore you at another time?

• Find your patience before I lose mine.

• Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people look shiny until they open their mouths. -Steven Wright

• If you find me offensive, then I suggest you stop looking for me.

• Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against some people’s stupidity.

• I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, only with words.

• Life is good, you should buy one.

• Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your problems.

• I clapped my hands because it was over, not because I liked it.

• If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I would be poor.

Are you enjoying our sarcastic phrases? Then you will love our list of 146 PHRASES ABOUT LIFE TO REFLECT ON AND CULTIVATE GOOD MOMENTS

• As you were talking, I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea that I cared.

• No, you don’t have to repeat it. I’ve been ignoring you since the first time.

• Sarcasm is the secret language everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

• Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

• I don’t have enough energy to pretend I like you.

• I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you an idiot. I really thought you already knew.

• Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do this very often.

• If you are not successful at first, skydiving is not for you.

• People say laughter is the best medicine… your face must be healing the world.

• I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be happy to make an exception.

• Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

• If you think no one cares if you’re alive, try missing some payments from your ipva.

• My imaginary friend says you need a therapist.

• Well… at least your mom thinks you’re pretty, right?!

• Sometimes I need what only you can offer: your absence. -Ashleigh Brilliant

• Just because I don’t give a shit doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

• Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? -Robin Williams

• My neighbor’s journal says I have boundary issues.

• I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient. I will contact you shortly. OK?

• When I ask for information, don’t use words like ‘East’.

• Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes not to say what’s on my mind is so overwhelming that I need to take a nap afterwards.

• What you heard about me is a lie. I’m much worse.

• Me pretending to be listening should be enough for you.

• Sometimes I wish I were a better person, but then I laugh and go on with my day.

• I gave birth to an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.

• Just before I die, I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a little more interesting.

SEE ALSO: 117 BEAUTIFUL AND SHORT PHRASES FOR STATUS. INSPIRE YOUR FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS!

• If you’re expecting me to give a damn, you better sit down. It will take a while.

• Mother-in-law’s house. Because your bad day doesn’t have to end at work.

• How much better would it be if a liar’s pants actually caught fire?

• What doesn’t kill you provides a set of harmful coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

• You would be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth talks.

• Fun fact: alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 87%.

• I don’t go crazy. I’m crazy. I get normal from time to time.

• Sometimes I wish I were an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.

• I don’t keep secrets, I just keep people out of my life.

• Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. What works best.

• I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.

• Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

• I will get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.

• Sorry for the delay. I got caught enjoying my last few minutes not being here.

• Zombies eat brains. You are safe.

• My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has left me speechless.

• You are everything I want in someone I no longer want.

SEE ALSO: 63 REFLECTION PHRASES ABOUT A STRONG WOMAN

• If they act like they can live without you… Help them do that.

• Shut up when you’re talking to me.

• Sometimes I meet people and I feel bad for their dogs.

• Of course I will help you… the same way you helped me.

• You play the role of victim. I’ll play the disinterested spectator.

• Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.

• My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not.

• Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

• I’m not crazy! The voices in my head tell me I’m totally sane.

• I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be less stupid.

• I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, ‘an exit’ was not the answer they wanted.

• Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of sarcasm, idiocy and mischief.

• Sensitivity is for people who aren’t smart enough to use sarcasm.

• My boss says I subpoena my co-workers. I glared at him until he apologized.

• I just burned 2000 calories. This is the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

• It’s amazing how clean my house can be when I’m upset.

• Instead of ‘single’ as marital status, it should be ‘independently operated property’.

• I do not sleep. I go into a coma.

• I won’t worry about you, I let karma never fail.

• Instead of “have a good day”, I think I’m going to start saying “have the day you deserve”. I’ll let karma sort things out.

• My favorite party trick won’t.

• The older I get, the less surprised I think I’d be if a random part of my body just fell off one day.

• I agree with you, but we would both be wrong.

• Marry me and I will never look at another horse! – Groucho Marx

SEE ALSO: 35 REFLECTION PHRASES TO OVERCOME SOLITUDE. A BALM OF JOY OVER YOUR LIFE!

• Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I would be surprised to find intelligent life here on Earth first•

• Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

• People think I go out of my way to annoy them. Trust me, nothing is out of my way.

• So many people are concerned about their physical appearance and material possessions that they completely disregard their stupidity.

• Do you think I’m sarcastic? It’s because you still haven’t seen me pretend I care!

• Some people really suck. Avoid them.

• I’m sorry… for meeting you.

• If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.

• In my day, people used to take pictures with other people in them.

• My friends are much nicer than yours. They are invisible.

• During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine how a man feels when he has a fever.

• Are you giving me ice? Wow… Finally.

Are you enjoying our sarcastic phrases? Then you will love our list of 41 REFLECTION MESSAGES ABOUT FAMILY THAT MANIFEST THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS LINK

• Yes, I am a pacifist. And I’m about to “pass” my fist in his face.

• If I seem to care, please let me know. I don’t want to give the wrong impression.

• If you wrote down every thought you ever had, you would receive an award for the shortest story ever.

• I would like to lose weight as easily as I lose my temper.

• Like fine wine, marriage gets better with age – when you learn to keep the cork in it. -Gene Perret

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

• I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somehow overestimated his ability. -Oscar Wilde

• When a man steals his wife, there is no better revenge than letting him keep her. -Sacha Guitry

• There are several theories for winning an argument with a woman. None works. -Will Rogers

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go ahead with a car battery. -Erma Bombeck

• This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then you both got sarcastic. -Lorrie Moore

• Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give others…