16 effective ways to tell your partner that you feel bad

No matter how wonderful and healthy a relationship is, there will always be challenges.

We are all different and we have lived experiences in our lives that have marked us.

This has molded us to a particular way of seeing situations that differs for each person.

So, it is normal for you to have disagreements with your partner.

You could have expected him to act in a way and he didn’t, maybe you feel that he has been neglecting you for a while or he could be doing things that irritate you a lot.

But what happens when something makes you feel very bad and you don’t know how to communicate it to your partner or you don’t dare to confront it?

Surely you love him, and you don’t want to hurt him.

You also do not want to start an argument and that this discord could harm your relationship.

Or you might be so angry that you feel like you can’t handle the anger and productively communicate what you’re feeling.

The last thing you want is to be the one creating the conflict.

Also, that your partner has made you feel bad does not mean that the relationship is doomed to failure. It’s just a sign that it’s time to sit down and talk with him.

Here we will go into detail, so that at the end, you are clear about the best strategy to talk to your partner.

Applying these tips is likely to improve communication and relationship.

16 Ways To Effectively Communicate With Your Partner When Something Is Bothering You

1) Don’t make the mistake of saying “I’m fine” if you’re not.

Sometimes it is so difficult for us to have those “difficult” conversations that we avoid them directly.

And that doesn’t really help anyone.

If you feel bad, your attitude towards your partner will inevitably change.

But it is possible that he does not notice it. The truth is that you can’t expect him to guess what you’re feeling if you don’t talk to him.

And even worse, if he asks you what’s wrong and you answer “nothing” don’t expect him to insist and then be offended because he doesn’t do anything.

He’ll probably believe what you’re saying and stop insisting.

So if something bothers you, you should communicate it.

And if you still don’t know how to express what you feel, simply ask him for some time to be able to elaborate your ideas and speak to him clearly.

You could say: “I feel confused about certain things, let me clarify and we’ll talk later” or “I feel sad, I still don’t know why. I need to think about it, can you give me a little time?”

The important thing is that you do not deny that something is happening. That will only aggravate the situation.

2) Take some time and prepare to talk with him

Perhaps you are not entirely sure how to bring up with your partner what bothers you so much or has hurt you.

And it is possible that you find yourself in a moment of great anger, anger or frustration.

If this is the case, it’s important to take some time before proposing to talk.

There are times more appropriate than others to talk.

In the heat of anger you are more likely to turn on him more aggressively or attack him. This will cause him to become defensive and even attack you as well instead of seeing what the real problem is and finding a solution.

Wait until you are in a more serene state.

Although the situation has not changed, if you are in a more constructive place, the result will probably be much better.

Something that can also be useful is to invite him into the conversation and not impose it.

You could say something like, “I realize I’m upset about something that happened earlier. Are you open to us talking about it now?”

This way of starting the dialogue is very effective, because you consider their personal space as well and give them the place to choose the best time as well. It will help both of you enter the dialogue with the right mindset.

3) Talk about what you feel, not what he does

If you’re angry, frustrated, hurt, neglected, or any other emotion that’s coming to mind, it’s important to start by talking about it.

What I mean is that the place to start is with yourself.

It is important that you do not blame or hold the other responsible for what happens to you. That will put him in a defensive position.

Just talk to him about how you feel, when he does something or says something that you don’t like or that you hoped would be different.

Tell him how you feel, why you feel it, and what you would like him to say, do or not say or do in your place.

If you think about it logically, you are showing him the full picture of what you expect, without making him directly responsible for the problem.

Also, when you talk about your feelings and emotions, no one can say that they are not real, that you are wrong or that you are not feeling that.

What you feel is simply the truth, and it is the best place to start by telling your partner that you feel bad.

One strategy to apply this is to always use statements in the first person:

I feel like… What I need to feel supported is… The thoughts that come to my mind when this happens are…

This is the point where many people go wrong and start arguing because they don’t know how to communicate with their partner and are not able to speak clearly.

4) Stay calm and collected

The result will be very different if you are angry or if you are calm and collected.

If you’re angry, you probably don’t have the ability to speak clearly and you could make mistakes that could harm your relationship.

If you are calm and try to think things through, it is very likely that you will be able to speak clearly and that you will be able to state everything you need.

It is better to try it if you are calm and collected because it will give you an important advantage.

Be specific when you talk about what has bothered or hurt you.

Try to mention the exact words he used and how they made you feel. But express yourself calmly instead of angry.

5) Don’t point your finger at it

Even though your partner has hurt you, sometimes it can be helpful not to start apportioning blame or pointing fingers.

It is better that you talk about what has hurt you, but do not do it in a tone of guilt or complaint.

Your partner will be more willing to have an open conversation about what happened if they don’t feel attacked.

When you start to mention what the other is doing “wrong”, you make them defensive and again the conversation can veer in the wrong direction.

Here it is not about who is right, simply about an opportunity to get to know each other better and bond in a more appropriate and satisfactory way for both.

Keep in mind that your partner may not know exactly what is bothering you.

So even if you feel like it’s his fault, try to talk about how you feel instead of accusing him.

6) Do not cover all the problems in one conversation

Sometimes you may feel like you have too many topics to talk about with your partner.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

But, to be more effective in solving and advancing in the couple, it is important that you do not treat them all at the same time.

Think about all those issues that you want to work with him and start with the most important.

If you talk about everything at once, the conversation will become exhausting and they will lose focus.

7) Do not assume a role of victim

If the conversation is handled as if you are being a victim, you may not be able to seize the moment to speak clearly and with courage.

In mature relationships, it’s important for each party to take their share of responsibility.

And just as there are things that bother you, it is possible that your partner also has his observations about you.

So the point here is to find a productive way to state your needs and listen to the needs of the other, without thinking that you are the only victim.

8) Listen actively and attentively

Your partner’s state of mind will help you understand what is happening and what their point of view is.

You could be so wrapped up in your emotions and anger that you forget that he also has feelings and thoughts that you probably aren’t so clear about either.

So, take this opportunity, not only to bring up what you feel, but to ask him about his way of seeing things and the relationship.

It is very important that you let him explain himself. Putting yourself in his shoes will help you let go of your anger and bring you closer to him.

You may even discover that he has wounds or insecurities that you didn’t know about. Or that he is going through a difficult time and actually needs your support.

Listen actively and don’t just focus on your own stuff.

It’s your way of helping make things a little easier for both of you.

9) Question instead of affirming

Perhaps you have felt that your partner is not doing enough for you.

That he is distant or that he does not pay you the same attention as before.

Maybe you are right.

But the best way to reach a good conclusion is by asking, not by stating.

When you start to tell him about your feelings and doubts, forget about the guilty or angry tone.

You’re the one going through this, but he probably needs you to listen to him so he can start fixing the problem.

Besides, it’s very likely that he didn’t even realize that he was hurting you. He then opens the possibilities instead of closing them.

Allow him to explain to you why he acted as he did or said what he said.

You might even discover that it’s actually your insecurity and not something he’s doing wrong.

10) Repeat what you have heard and confirm if you have understood correctly

A great tool for effective communication is to repeat what he has just said.

You know, we all have our own glasses with which we filter reality.

He could tell you something and you understand it in a different way.

Therefore, repeating what you have heard and understood is key so that the message is clear and the same for both of you.

You could say, “So, if I understand correctly, you don’t usually let me know you’re going to be late because…”

He will validate the message or perhaps add information that can be used to resolve the differences.

11) Be clear with what you need and offer alternatives

It is important that you clearly state your desires and the things that are hurting you.

Do not turn the conversation into a list of demands, but present your requests in a cordial way.

Maybe he could change and help you, maybe he needs to do something to fix the problem.

But it is also likely that their way of seeing things is different and they need your support to understand what is happening.

Offer possible solutions and ask how he feels about them.

12) Do not try to be more “nice”

When it comes to relationships, the ideal is to tell it like it is.

If you decorate what you want to say, beat around the bush or soften what bothers you, it will be very difficult for things to really change.

So if you want me to hear you, do it clearly and no nonsense.

Don’t try to be more “nice” to make him feel better or to keep him from getting angry.

At the end of the day, he is a man and can take care of what he has to do.

It is not your responsibility to have it between cottons,…