11 Situations You Should Stop Romanticizing to Improve Your Life

Often, when watching movies or reading books and magazines, a kind of romantic veil is created around situations that can even be dangerous in real life. For example, we are fascinated by stories of unrequited love or complex relationships; we get used to thinking that strong feelings are always associated with intense pain; we consider a cynical character charming and pregnancy is often seen as the best time in every woman’s life.

However, according to psychologists, it can be important to change the way you see certain situations to realize that life can be better. At the awesome.club we decided to deal with those situations that we should not romanticize.

Many people believe that the more you love a person, the greater your pain. However, psychologists say this is not true. After all, in healthy relationships there is no place for constant suffering. Experts say that our loving behavior is often associated with the references we have from our parents and the relationships between our family members in childhood.

According to psychotherapist Robin Norwood, if a girl has an emotionally inaccessible father, there is a risk of choosing, in adulthood, indifferent men. The fact is, trying to gain attention and receiving coldness in return is a role model for this girl. Norwood is also convinced that children whose parents had some form of dependence or addiction (for example, to alcohol) can also start a destructive relationship in later life.

Sociopaths, who were once portrayed as terrible people, are now mostly portrayed in cinema as charming. remember the series Sherlock, in which the detective does not know how to communicate with people and is very attractive at the same time. His admirers love it when he suddenly exposes his feelings.

However, in real life, it would be difficult to maintain a relationship with this type of individual, as sociopaths do not feel compassion, guilt, or love — this personality disorder is characterized by antisocial behavior and disregard for social norms.

Loneliness has always been part of the images of those empathic literary characters that no one understands. The feeling of being isolated from the outside world can arise both when you are alone and with other people. According to the theory of neurologist John Kachioppo, we need solitude to feel like having relationships with other people. However, this sensation can only be useful when it is temporary.

If loneliness becomes chronic, the consequences can be serious, leading to poor sleep, depression and other health problems. Therefore, according to some scientists, loneliness is the main enemy of the heart, increasing the probability of premature death by approximately two times.

Bella’s stories Beauty and the Beastwho managed to turn the Beast into a prince, and that of Anastasia Steele, from Fifty Shades of grey, who was able to transform a cold and sadistic guy into a loving man, are very popular. Bad guys such as Draco Malfoy (from Harry Potter) or Jim Moriarty (from Sherlock Holmes) look very attractive. However, in real life, the relationship with a tyrannical companion can cause a very complicated psychological situation.

There is the so-called domestic Stockholm syndrome: an affective bond between the victim and the aggressor in dominant family relationships. That is, one of the spouses (regardless of sex) periodically suffers from psychological or physical violence from their partner and perceives it as normal, justifying the behavior of their loved one. Some believe they can “save” their abuser-partner with their love and make them change. But psychologists guarantee: in real life, it is very difficult to achieve this change. Unless the abuser wants to change.

A cigarette and a glass of whiskey seem to be an essential attribute of a person who is going through difficult times in his life, giving these people a certain charm and a special style. Some drugs are unfortunately still shrouded in a romantic haze.

However, psychologists say that such romanticization has negative consequences, as people do not feel the danger of bad habits. Even when children, to imitate adults, shake their glasses of juice, we should be concerned: they can get used to the idea that alcohol is part of the parties. And alcohol addiction, according to some scientists, is even more dangerous than drug use, as alcohol is more popular and accessible.

Some celebrities tend to value the depressive style in the photos they post on Instagram or Facebook, for example. However, neither depression, nor anorexia, nor any other psychological problem or eating disorder is attractive. His romanticization made people begin to blame any failure or mistake in mental disorders: a little fear is considered a panic attack and being in a bad mood means being “depressed”.

But, from a clinical point of view, characterizing a condition as “depression” involves much more than waking up sad or being upset about a certain situation. Ascribing unnecessary diagnoses to yourself is dangerous, as you shouldn’t play around with medications. And people who really need help can simply get lost among those who invent illnesses to feel different or special.

Many make charity a part of their public image, but helping orphans or other people in need must be approached in a very responsible manner. In the specific case of orphanages, psychologists say that children in this situation do not like contests in which the winner receives a prize, as they feel offended and may take the winner’s gift and destroy it. Some volunteers say that children in orphanages are often negatively affected by gifts received from strangers: orphans begin to get used to it, although in adulthood they find a completely different reality.

Therefore, helping orphanages should be an attitude taken responsibly and thoughtfully, and not a simple act to keep up appearances — no matter how convinced you are that you are doing good. According to the volunteers, children need attention more than anything: it is better to spend time with the child from time to time or give them classes or lectures. And according to psychologists, helping children should be something permanent, since they are very affected by people’s separation.

“Creative chaos” is a popular Instagram hashtag. It’s that mess that a lot of people associate with creativity. But in practice, disorganization does not necessarily mean genius. Failure to keep workplaces and homes clean and tidy can indeed cause a lot of problems. Scientists see a direct relationship between procrastination and the inability to maintain order. According to them, the messy house causes a mental deterioration, which, with age, manifests itself with greater force.

They advise to organize all your belongings daily. If you do a little cleaning every day and keep things in their place, you won’t have to spend an entire day doing a general cleaning.

In movies and advertisements, pregnant women shine with happiness and models and actresses who gave birth show impeccable bodies. However, psychologists warn: do not forget that reality is different from what is shown on television, blogs and fashion magazines. Each case is unique and some women have difficulty dealing with this stage of life, especially after the baby is born. It’s important not to romanticize pregnancy and see it just as a moment of joy, a miracle, or the best phase of a woman’s life—with all the challenges it poses.

Doctors recommend not forgetting that waiting for a baby causes major changes in the body. So, it is important to be aware in advance of the possible difficulties associated with pregnancy and childbirth, preparing for back pain, mood swings, bloating, heartburn, exacerbation of illness and other possible complications. In addition, many women are not prepared for the changes in appearance caused by pregnancy and childbirth.

Young people in the last century used to say they wanted to be actors, astronauts or veterinarians. Nowadays, a good part of them want to be a YouTuber or blogger. But blogging requires huge investments, in time and often money. In addition, the exposure of private life and the attention of others can have a negative impact on a person’s self-perception and real life. Ultimately, to earn a steady income (or better yet, be well paid) in this field, you need to have a lot of experience, a solid customer base, and a good deal of luck. Keep in mind that for every Whindersson Nunes or Kéfera Buchmann that comes along, there is a plethora of bloggers and YouTubers who didn’t succeed and fell by the wayside.

Finally, if you are excited about the possibility of doing this type of work without leaving home, know that, according to psychologists, remote work can negatively affect people. Without communication and a sense of unity with co-workers, depression, social phobia, Internet addiction, and a lack of feeling that you are doing something meaningful can develop. Remote work requires a lot of discipline and willingness to work without a formal contract, sick leave or vacation.

A lot of people consider people careless in relation to their own look “stylish”. And those who adopt this style often use arguments such as “I am what I am and I will not change”. If a person doesn’t know how to choose their own clothes, take care of themselves or maintain good personal hygiene, it may even seem like there’s nothing wrong with it. But, according to psychologists, reluctance to learn to take care of yourself can indicate a chronic lack of self-esteem.

Experts recommend developing good habits and, in case you lose love for yourself, try to develop it, even if it is artificially, training in front of a mirror and praising yourself, for example. In addition, you must learn to perceive in yourself the traits and characteristics that you can fall in love with. After all, we all have…