11 signs to identify an envious friend

Although this emotion is something we have felt or suffered from others, it is not always easy to identify an envious friend. Direct displays of envy stay in kindergarten and become subtle as we grow.

On the other hand, Many times these signs are overlooked or we choose to interpret them with good thoughts. However, damage occurs in the relationship, so let’s look at those red flag which indicate that a friend is envious of us.

What is envy?

First let’s clearly define this emotion. Envy is the feeling that appears when others have something you want. It is usually a mixture of sadness and anger that is directed towards the other individual, the one who possesses what is desired.

The object of envy may or may not be material: sometimes people envy a good job or being happy as a couple, for example.

Like all emotions, envy is normal and everyone has experienced it at some point. It has a clear social function: fostering motivation, escalating competition between individuals; in the hierarchies, so to speak. It is not a useful emotion when there is abundance and there is no need to fight for resources.

Beyond its biological root, envy is a feeling to manage when it comes to relating to others. There is a tendency to talk about achieving that famous “healthy envy”, in which the person is sincerely happy for the other’s achievement, motivating themselves to achieve it instead of competing.

In this sense, life is very useful to drive action and personal improvement, This is suggested by a publication in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

How to identify an envious friend?

The signs that a friend is envious of us are not always clear. Sometimes they confuse, because they do not consider themselves to have enviable luck, and other times they hide for fear of being identified. Below are some examples that you should not miss.

1. He is not happy for you

This is the clearest evidence that someone may envy you. A person who considers himself your friend will share your joy with you, even when his achievements are behind. If you run to tell him something, jumping for joy, and he responds in the opposite way, it means that your achievement feels bad to him.

2. Try to hide envy, but there are signs that indicate otherwise

It is also possible that he tries to hide his envy and mask these bad gestures. If their nonverbal language and words seem forced, pay attention.

Forced smiles, stereotypical phrases, gestures of disgust when he thinks you don’t see him: these are some examples that reveal hidden envy.

3. Detract value from your achievements and joys

This is another of the simplest ways to identify an envious friend. It is very simple for affection to give rise to phrases like “congratulations”, “you deserve it” or “you did well”. Yeah there is a need to devalue those efforts, no matter how small, It is because envy pushes others to feel less important.

4. He criticizes you in public or behind your back

Trying to humiliate you in public or criticize behind your back are two disrespectful acts in themselves that you should not tolerate. A friend exposes the problems directly, without trying to cause harm and looking for a solution. If that person does the opposite, it is legitimate for you to suspect that he or she is motivated by envy.

5. Disappears when things are going well for you

It is common to see that envious friends resist spending time with you when things are going well for you. If they feel envy, they will have the impulse to walk away, Because sharing your joy makes them uncomfortable.

6. If he helps you with something, he will blame you later

A person who is jealous of your success is not always willing to help you in difficult times. However, a more subtle clue to identifying an envious friend is to evaluate her behavior after giving you support. If you come out ahead, he will be in charge of taking credit and reminding you.

7. He imitates you

Although this is not necessarily something harmful, added to the rest of the signs it does indicate that there is envy in your friendship relationship. Because they desire something that you have, those who are envious tend to imitate your methods, your appearance, your way of speaking, etc. So they have the impression that they are going to achieve the same thing as you.

8. Compete with you

Another sign that helps identify an envious friend is that they compete with you. And not in a healthy way. You may encounter this behavior in collaborative environments or contexts where there could be competition, but it is not necessary (for example, getting a better grade on an exam). It is a way to compensate for the feeling of disadvantage that plagues them.

9. Show envy towards other people

People who envy others do not usually stick to a single goal. It is possible that this feeling is part of your emotionality instead of being something specific. and, in that case, you will see how they show it with others. The most common thing is for that envious friend to criticize third parties when he is with you.

10. Show a lot of interest in your problems

If he pays more attention to the fragments of conversation where you talk about your personal dramas, it is possible that he is taking refuge in that information to compensate for his feeling of inferiority. Be careful, it is important to differentiate this malicious interest from a genuine attempt to be your support.

Pay attention to their reaction to your sadness. Are you in a good mood after the conversation? Doesn’t it offer help or solutions? Does he ask you about that topic that hurts you and not about everything else? Analyze these issues in depth.

11. The clearest test to identify an envious friend: the boycott

Giving bad advice is an act born of envy. So is getting in your way or stealing your merits. Although these acts have more to do with evil than with envy, they are the last step in its progress. If this problem in friendship has reached this point, it is necessary to take action and stop it.

What to do if a friend is envious and is poisoning the relationship

Envy is a feeling that ruins friendships, either because conflicts appear or because one of the two distances themselves from the other. However, there is not always evil behind it. As indicated by studies such as the one published in International Journal of Social Psychology, Self-efficacy, self-esteem and perceived control influence the generation of this emotion.

Always seeing themselves at a disadvantage, it is normal for some people to fall into toxic behaviors. The best advice you can follow in these situations is to face the issue directly. Remember to approach it with empathy and with clarity about your needs. Always offer to listen to him and help him achieve his own successes.

But your attempts to redirect his behavior may fail. In these scenarios, identifying an envious friend may be the beginning of the end of the friendship. Consider whether it is worth it to have someone by your side who absorbs your joy and devalues ​​everything you achieve. instead of solving their problems. Sometimes paths diverge and that’s okay.

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