11 phrases that mothers of teenagers should stop repeating

1. “YOU ARE JUST DOING THIS TO GET ATTENTION”

In the book “New challenges of coexistence” (Rideel publisher), psychotherapist Lidia Rosenberg Aratangy discusses the new dynamics of coexistence between generations and indicates ways to untie knots in troubled family relationships. According to her, when talking to their young son, parents should remain calm and have common sense, so ideally, some “cliché phrases” should be avoided. When the mother repeats the above sentence, for example, she is simply avoiding understanding her child’s behavior and concluding that it is nothing more than a tantrum. When they want, young people know exactly how to reach their parents and leave them flustered, without knowing very well how to argue. The secret is to be smart! Encourage your child to expose their arguments, but already have the answer within themselves. This way, you can get the message across without getting tired or repeating ready-made phrases.

2. “WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE…”

Times were different. Expectations were different… It’s not fair to children to make excuses for the past, unless the conversation serves to share true experiences or good advice. According to Roseli Silva do Amaral, educational psychologist and Director of CAM – Colégio Anhembi Morumbi, educational values ​​and traditions are in a continuous process of transformation, because society is dynamic, especially with the advent of technology, new generations suffer another type of influence. “The best thing is for parents to use daily news to open a process of discussion and reflection with their children”.

3. “MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES”

“If parents were in the habit of openly discussing economic difficulties and the criteria by which spending priorities are established, they might expect a more realistic attitude towards money from their teenagers”, reflects author Lidia Rosenberg Aratangy. By teaching teenagers how to deal with money, parents are ensuring that they have a happier and more peaceful adult life. But this task is not an easy one. If your child crosses the line and spends too much, call him for a serious conversation and always make it clear what the family’s financial reality is.

4. “HERE IS NOT MOTHER JOANA’S PENSION”

“Behind this phrase is the accusation that the young man uses the house only as a guesthouse and restaurant, and does not show interest in what goes on with the other members”, explains the psychotherapist Aratangy. Try to understand that teenagers do prefer the company of friends over family. It’s natural at this age, don’t try to avoid this situation. Parents should not fail to participate in their lives, to express their opinions, but this must be done with tact and affection. Tip: Always reinforce family values.

5. “THIS IS A TEENAGE THING, THEN IT WILL PASS”

With that sentence, parents disqualify what the young person feels, as if his emotions were second-rate. “Sometimes it is true that the teen drama is fueled by your fantasies, with little real support – and looking through the inverted binoculars that life experience confers, what makes you suffer will pass without leaving any sequels. But the current suffering is real and cannot be denied. This phrase, usually enunciated with arrogance by parents, does not encourage closeness or intimacy. Worse: it does not help young people to solve the problem that worries them”, argues Aratangy. As for the psychopedagogue Roseli, parents need to exercise patience and listen to their children. “That means respect, after all they repeat the example. Parents are their children’s references and their attitudes can have a positive or negative impact on personality formation. to ease the anxieties and conflicts of this age. It is, after all, a time of ups and downs in terms of mood swings,” she concludes.

6. “YOU WILL STILL THANK ME FOR THIS”

For the teenager, facts are exaggerated and they are too easily resentful. The role of the adult is to reduce this exaggeration and not create drama. Your daughter wants to go to a party in another city, for example, and you won’t let her. So, she throws it in your face that everything in her life is forbidden. Don’t respond with something like, “You’re going to thank me for this yet.” Talk calmly and make her see that it’s not like that and try to show her side. Point out everything you allow her to do.

7. “YOU WILL STILL THANK ME FOR THIS”

For the teenager, facts are exaggerated and they are too easily resentful. The role of the adult is to reduce this exaggeration and not create drama. Your daughter wants to go to a party in another city, for example, and you won’t let her. So, she throws it in your face that everything in her life is forbidden. Don’t respond with something like, “You’re going to thank me for this yet.” Talk calmly and make her see that it’s not like that and try to show her side. Point out everything you allow her to do.

8. “IF I HAD YOUR AGE”

“The fact is that the parents were already that age. If they didn’t make the most of it, they still don’t have the right to take revenge on their son, preventing him from living that age in his own time in the best way he can: sometimes getting it right, sometimes getting it wrong, always learning”, explains Aratangy.

9. “YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD”

Every time your child goes clubbing do you make a huge list of the same recommendations? Be careful, this can get tiring. There will come a time when the boy won’t even pay attention to what you say and the advice will fall into the void. “This is not the most recommended moment to make these recommendations, because the body and mind of the teenager in this situation of expectation for the exit enters a hypnosis that nothing that is said will be processed. Ideally, speech should be added to affection, such as, for example, a kiss, a hug and that slight whisper in the ear: ‘Take care and remember what we’ve always talked about’”, guides psychopedagogue Roseli Silva do Amaral . Remember: “this type of conversation needs to be part of the family routine, and not just in a certain situation, so that it always happens in a light and instructive way”.

10. “WHAT WILL BE YOUR FUTURE?”

It is not recommended to scare the child. Not even saying that he doesn’t take life seriously. Parents need to show the risks that the youngster runs for being alive, but without inhibiting him. Showing the reality of the world with balance is the way. “The explanation for the importance of studying in the child’s life, for example, will have to come together with the daily construction of what he has as a life project for the future. At first it seems far from the reality of teenagers, but we will only have a tree with strong roots and fruitful if we patiently water it every day, that’s how teenagers are. Therefore, it is important to encourage entrepreneurial attitudes in young people in building their life project. These are attitudes that go far beyond running your own company. It is a series of taught and developed skills that guide children and young people so that, regardless of their choices, they become fulfilled and, above all, happy people”, says Roseli.

11. “ENJOY LIFE NOW, BECAUSE AFTER THE PARTY IS OVER”

According to Aratangy, this is the most dangerous of all phrases. “Well, if the party ends later, if there are no parties in the adult world, why wouldn’t teenagers do everything they want to do now? In the name of what value should he get frustrated and give up some pleasures, if the party is just now? Why should he take care of himself in order to reach the future intact, what is the point of studying – if a life without parties and without colors unfolds before him?” Show that everything your child does today will reflect on his future, which is why choices are important. Also show that adult life is challenging, but it can also be very pleasurable. “Dialogue with children is a daily exercise that opens a channel of trust. It is essential to respect, show interest, give affection, provide security and also know how to be firm in matters of limits when necessary”, concludes psychopedagogue Roseli.