“You weren’t doing me any favors, it was important to me and I deserved it.” A text about how love actually needs to be light

This text is about what I couldn’t talk about, about subtleties that go unnoticed and things that are overlooked. About how much you allow interference from others, about the importance of learning to identify need and respect yourself. Finally, this text is so that everyone can understand that it is not because there is no situation “worthy of termination”, that one should continue in a relationship.

I’ve always loved music, I’m not Whitney or Hendrix, but I have my own story and relationship with it. You, on the other hand, laughed and complained about my voice, thought I had to play and sing exactly like the official version. You made me ashamed of the part of my history that shaped my childhood, the only good thing I had in common with my father, and one of the few things I enjoyed doing in life.

So I felt lost and desperate to find good enough, quality things that would make you think I was a smarter and more charming person. I was determined to learn everything about you so that I could be worthy and that you would have reason to fall in love with me. For you to consider me as interesting a person as you believed yourself to be.

Every time you turned up the sound so my voice didn’t show, it made me kill the best thing in me. I should have known what his smile meant during the sale of the guitar my grandma had given me. You were telling me all the time that you couldn’t understand what was important in my life—and even if you were, you didn’t care.

I tried to absorb your tastes, customs, I dedicated years to trying to be the person you would find interesting, but do you know what the truth is? I felt exhausted, unhappy and afraid. Forcing yourself to be who you are not is tiring. I never got to say that I felt overwhelmed and you never made a point of noticing — or noticed and ignored.

All this because, in truth, I was needy, and I was terrified of feeling or being alone. You didn’t cheat on me, we didn’t have any soap opera fights, families liked each other, there was no “reason” to break up. This went on for years of stagnation, feelings of inferiority and a dull, stagnant life.

I remember only one time when we were at an event and, by chance, there were instruments. You were annoyed that you didn’t get attention, but for me it was the happiest day of this whole relationship. I stopped caring about your opinion and did what I wanted. You weren’t doing me any favors, it was important to me and I deserved it.

I got into a new relationship, and do you know what my first gift was? A musical instrument. I made new friends, and you know what everyone wants me to do? Sing and play. I went to the restaurant in the new city where I live, and do you know what happened? They called me to play there.

The point is that we don’t have to wait for really bad things to happen to put a stop to a relationship. This story that love requires sacrifice and suffering needs to be put aside. It is important to know how to choose where and with whom to stay. It’s important to understand your needs, priorities, and be there for someone who loves you—for who you are.

Don’t be the object of projections or incubated desires. If somebody wants you to be somebody else, then he doesn’t want you — he wants somebody else. True love brings you back to yourself, reminds you of who you are and makes you proud of yourself. It’s subtle, light and makes you feel alive.

Have you ever been through a similar situation? What advice would you give to someone who needs to recognize their own worth in a relationship? Share with us in the comments. 🇧🇷