Words hurt only when you care who says them.

Words have power… so much so that they are capable of causing very high emotional pain. As if we had received a blow, as if a direct attack broke our soul, and fragmented our heart into a thousand pieces.

However, this effect only It will have power if the words themselves come from a person who is significant to us: our partner, a family member, a friend…. It is like a breakdown of our patterns and balance, it is to feel aggression coming from a very intimate bond.

Language is not just a set of words associated with meanings that we inherit and learn socially and culturally. Actually, Language is above all a way of communicating and transmitting emotions. There where even tone and facial expression “communicate”.

Throughout our lives we may receive inappropriate, unfortunate or even malicious comments. Now, most of them we let go and they don’t leave any trace on our brain. Those that do leave a mark and scar are those that come from the mouths of loved ones.

We all keep in the “dark” basement of our memory, that disparaging phrase that a close relative gave us. It may also be that even today, you still remember with pain certain phrases and certain words evoked by that person whom you loved so much.

Words that leave scars

Something that we must take into account is that None of us are exempt from “dropping” at some point, a misnomer. that causes harm or annoyance to someone. It may be something specific. However, the problem arises when, more than words, we receive harmful communication and a lack of affection from someone.

Paul Watzlawick, a famous Austrian psychologist, expert in communication and language, stated an interesting theory that he called “disconfirmation.” It reflected the destructive power of words in human communication, and the most common ways in which it was carried out:

The devaluation: In this type of communication, a certain type of words are used that seek above all to diminish the value of the person. Everything they do or say is downplayed, language is used that discredits and detracts from everything. his figure, to all his essence. It’s really destructive.The disqualification: In this case, what is sought is no longer to devalue, but to “invalidate.” It goes one step further and words like “you’re worthless”, “you’re the clumsiest person in the world”, “you can’t reach the soles of anyone’s shoes…”The disconfirmation: This degree of communication completely destroys a person. If in the previous definitions we devalued and humiliated, here we proceed to “ignore”. It doesn’t matter if the child does something right or wrong, he is ignored. It doesn’t matter that the couple is next to the person they love, he or she proceeds to “empty” them. As if it didn’t exist…You might be interested…

How to deal with words that hurt

Sometimes, There are those who simply do not know how to communicate, who lack adequate tools to offer emotional closeness, respect and recognition. They are those types of people who speak almost without thinking and cause harm without realizing it. (at least most of the time).

Throughout our lives we have seen ourselves in these situations. Feeling pain due to certain words that close people send us is something that we must know how to deal with. And the keys would be these:

We have to see what that person’s personality is like.. It is possible that either our parents or a sibling have this characteristic: the lack of emotional and respectful communication. If so, it is something that we must assume but always making clear, “that do harm.” If this communication is always aggressive and violates our rights to the point of disqualification, it is clear that this relationship does not need to be reinforced. It is a type of abuse and as such, We will defend ourselves and put a needed distance.If our partner, for example, frequently uses words loaded with irony, you must understand that it is also a type of personal violation. Don’t allow it. Understand from the beginning that A person’s specific use of words says a lot about their personality.. If you don’t feel comfortable with the language, you don’t “fit in” with that person.

We can all, at any given moment, drop or receive harmful words. If it is something specific, do not hesitate to express your displeasure, your annoyance and your pain out loud. Use “personalization” and let the other person see what they would feel if they were in your place.

You might be interested…

Images courtesy of “Art in the Dark”, and Beth Joole