Why do adult siblings stop talking to each other and what can be done?

When adult siblings stop talking to each other, deep suffering is experienced. As striking as it may seem to us, it is a frequent occurrence, a sad but common reality, the one in which the breaking of fraternal ties leaves inevitable voids and permanent discomfort. Anger, disagreements, taking different directions… There are many causes behind these situations.

The fact itself is still disconcerting. From a social perspective, The bond between siblings is seen as an institution, as something indissoluble. In fact, many people have daily support in these figures and that habitual reference with which to share confidences, problems and enriching moments.

We often talk about the distance that is sometimes established between parents and children. Having gone through a traumatic childhood is usually the most common trigger for that decision. Now, but… what happens with the brothers? How can they become “blood enemies” overnight? We analyze it.

When adult siblings stop talking to each other

Psychologist Daniel Shaw of the University of Pittsburgh, an expert on sibling relationships, points out that research on this topic is scarce. On average, it is assumed that these relationships are usually good or at least acceptable. Socially, the classic idea that the family is an indestructible pillar continues to be maintained, but reality, sometimes, can be very different…

Thus, it seems that the fact that adult siblings stop talking to each other is something problematic, something that is not talked about excessively. However, it is a situation that occurs more frequently than we think. What’s more, there are those who keep it silent, becoming that wound that they don’t want to talk about and that is hidden from those they know.

Rivalries and conflicts dragged on for years

Sibling rivalry is a common phenomenon. Sometimes, It may be the case that a sibling is the parents’ favorite and that ends up being the source of distances, frustrations and multiple problems. Upon reaching adulthood, it is common for distancing to occur.

On the other hand, There may also be conflictive situations that mark a before and after. Far from being specific disagreements, in reality, they are events that drag on for years, thereby demonstrating that childhood disputes with siblings are common.

Incompatible personalities

That two people have such strong blood ties does not imply compatibility or the ease of establishing a fluid relationship. Genetics does not determine the same character, the same values, principles and personality traits. This means that we often find ourselves with clearly incompatible siblings. Something like this is already seen in childhood and adolescence, but it is when reaching adulthood that the most obvious differences emerge; sometimes, insurmountable.

The lifestyle, hobbies or chosen partners mark disparate existential and ideological territories that end with gradual distance.

Family grudges (what I have done for the family and you have not)

When adult siblings stop talking to each other, what may have caused it is resentment. One of the origins of this devastating emotion is what we understand as “family investment.” That is to say, Sometimes disputes and differences can arise when one of the parents is sick.

One of the siblings is the one who takes care of that dependent father or mother. The other brother or brothers do not assume the same collaboration and this leads to arguments and problems that are sometimes insurmountable.

The same thing happens when brothers leave home and start their own family. Some invest more time in being in contact with other members, they make an effort to attend, to collaborate, to meet…. Others, however, assume a more carefree attitude and this is the source of problems.

Economic conflicts

In adulthood, it is also common for siblings to distance themselves for economic reasons. For example, many fight because they share ownership of a company and when liquidity problems arise, then the relationship is affected.

Another fairly common scenario is conflict over inheritances left by parents.. In these cases, it is common for siblings to fight over their share, or because they think that one is benefiting more than the other.

What to do when the relationship between siblings begins to distance themselves?

Sometimes, Proceeding to reconcile siblings can be more problematic than achieving rapprochement between parents and children.. Sometimes, there are facts that are very difficult to manage, such as the fact that there is a “mom’s favorite” or a “dad’s favorite.” Also that we have that brother who, due to his personality, makes it almost impossible to speak, reason, and reach agreements.

These are undoubtedly situations of excessive difficulty, but in many cases when adult siblings stop talking to each other, the attachment still exists. Therefore, there is still hope for reconciliation. The strategies that we should consider are the following:

Let’s focus on the present. If we want to recover the relationship with our brothers, it is necessary to accept and forgive events from the past -forgive the other and also forgive ourselves-. The here and now to start over.Let’s control expectations. Sometimes we expect a lot from others and especially from our family. Having the same blood does not impose anything, we are not obliged to be, act or respond in certain ways. This is something we must understand.Let’s remember the good memories, they are starting points to start over. This is a good strategy that allows us to take into account that past in which we shared things being accomplices, in which emotions united us and we were happy. With will and maturity, we can restart those feelings and give ourselves new opportunities.

In conclusion, To the extent possible, let us always try to repair that situation. The wound that estrangement with a brother usually leaves is permanent and deep. Healing that bond is always a good investment.

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