Why a child does not owe his parents anything (and what to do so as not to become a stranger to your child)

Life changes, and family relationships change with it. In this context, the philosophical literature addresses the question of the duties that children supposedly have towards their parents. Can adult children deny these duties? Many people are afraid to say “no” to their parents, and they end up sacrificing their dreams and hobbies to live “someone else’s life”, suffering from the feeling of guilt for their whole lives.

O awesome.club decided to discuss this subject of so-called filial duty so that adult children would understand the difference between gratitude and self-sacrifice.

Manipulative parents often say that they have devoted all of their time to their child, and for that reason they demand that he express gratitude. The child then feels that all the love and care he receives is not unconditional, and his love for his parents gives way to great disappointment.

A child is not born to fulfill the hopes that parents have placed in him. When the child is loved and lives in a loving family, gratitude to the parents comes as a natural consequence.

Looks, hugs, first words and drawings are gifts that a son gives his parents from a very early age. But unfortunately, this often goes unnoticed. Parents should know that it is not enough to just satisfy the child’s basic needs. It is necessary to notice the small gestures, which are very important. If the child grows up being ignored, it is not surprising that he does not want to strengthen relations with his family as an adult, nor that he wants to visit his parents as little as possible.

Without a doubt, parents play an important role in every child’s life, but that doesn’t mean we can count on them alone. Unfortunately, the opposite often happens, children face a lack of support. Also, parents ignore your problems, and their criticism only exacerbates the problem.

First of all, it is necessary to adequately assess the situation and not make sacrifices in vain. If the parents do not support the child, and he lives in an environment of disdain and humiliation, these relationships have no future. Don’t live in the world of illusions; if you never felt your parents’ love and support, you have no filial duty to fulfill.

On the other hand, if a child grows up feeling the unconditional love of his parents, he will reciprocate with positive feelings throughout his life.

According to the theory of friendship, children should do for their parents what they do for their friends, because friendship is voluntary. If the parents and the child do not share emotions, there can be no talk of duties and commitments.

Parents should not stand in the way of their children’s achievement. The child must choose his own path, which can be similar to that of his parents or completely different.

A child who doesn’t make his own choices will become an adult afraid of making mistakes, someone who will always depend on others, and who will leave the important decisions in his life in the hands of other people.

Of course, parents have their expectations, but that doesn’t mean that the child should give up on his own ideas and pretend to be someone else. People who sacrifice their dreams for the sake of their family live with anger, bitterness and feeling wronged.

Healthy family relationships allow you to be yourself. If not, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

Sometimes parents who do not have their own hobbies or goals begin to spend all their time with their children. And they expect the child to do the same in the future.

But the children grow up and one day enter adulthood, while many parents remain stuck in the routine of the past. At this point, it must be clear that if they have not devoted enough time to their own lives, it was by choice. The son now cannot be charged to spend all his time with the family.

They do have the right to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their family members, and it’s not fair for parents to demand more. Regardless of whether they have one or more children, people must be ready to take care of themselves.

When they fail to fulfill their dreams, many parents start to think that they have wasted all their potential because of the baby. And they end up concluding that the dedication to the child was not worth it, but in fact the child cannot return the time that the parents did not dedicate to themselves.

Of course, in the first years of the baby’s life, parents spend almost all their free time with the child. But then they can manage their time in another way. So, if for some reason family life did not bring pleasure, it is not fair that they consider their son guilty, nor that they demand compensation for having dedicated “the best years of their life” to him.

According to a study carried out by US sociologists, there is a big difference between the level of financial support that parents expect to receive and what their children plan to provide: 92% of parents surveyed said they would not expect any financial support from their children in retirement . Only 1% want to live on their own, while 2% of parents expect their children to cover most of the costs, and 5% said their children will provide support when needed.

With regard to children, 63% of children said they plan to help their retired parents, and 61% will let their retired parents live with them.

The best thing parents can do for their children is let them live their lives. The child who learns from his mistakes and has parental support will become a grateful and responsible adult. And if parents take time out for themselves, they will never have the feeling of a “wasted life”.

The child copies the behavior of the parents. And they help them, whenever necessary, to remember how they were when they were little.

And you, what do you think? Do children have any duty to their parents?