Where there was fire, will there always be ashes?

Habitually, Placing an ex-partner in our lives is not easy. He is not a friend, but he is not a stranger either and, furthermore, he knows many intimate things about us… and it may even be that love is still present, that some ashes remain.

Really, It is not the lack of love that breaks most couples, but the disagreementsincompatibilities or bad gestures, thus leaving a feeling outside its habitat.

“Love is like a war, easy to start, difficult to end, impossible to forget.”

-Henry Louis Mencken-

How to relate to our ex-partner?

To decide how we are going to relate to our former partner, We must take into account what we feel for our ex and where we want to place it in our lives.

The ideal is that the new framework of the relationship emerges from the common agreement and little by little it becomes more comfortable or flexible, so that the new relationship is established in the sense that you would like. But this is the ideal…

However, This conversation is not easy because one of the most common reasons for a breakup is the deterioration of the couple’s communication.. Resentment, unhealed wounds, or simply a lack of skills often make agreement, whether tacit or explicit, difficult.

The ashes of the relationship

But what do the ashes of the title (and the popular phrase to which it refers) allude to? The ashes of a relationship are a mark, a path that we have traveled on love, a very powerful feeling. And like any path taken, it becomes easier to travel again.

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The ashes are present, whether for safety, because there was a part of the other that we lovedfor an area that we have not yet explored and we want to know better and because there was undoubtedly something that pushed us to travel that path for the first time and is probably still present (at least in the unconscious).

Memory contributes to returning to that path, since it is prone to forgetting negative situations when surrounded by love. It is the longing for the other and the happy moments that tend to remain mostly in thought.

Our former partner may have been a liar and that has not changed, but he has not left aside the kindness, generosity or physical attractiveness with which he conquered us.. And if that made us lose our minds once, why wouldn’t it make us lose our minds again…

The flame of passion

Now we go with the fire that alludes to passion, especially on the physical plane. In fact, Many former couples who had an intimate encounter claim that their sexual relationships improved after separation. Because?

When there is a formally constituted couple, there is also a considerable amount of commitments and routines that weave the relationship together.

So, once eliminated, the passion returns. Let’s not forget that it is closely related to love, but there are hundreds of testimonies that affirm or report that it is not the same feeling.

On the other hand, the social censure that existed before regarding sexual relations outside of commitment has disappeared. to a large extent, so that many couples ask themselves: if we both want to have an intimate encounter again, why not?

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What they often ignore is that the hormones that are secreted in this encounter, such as oxytocin, actually increase their effect on memory. So, It is not strange that many reconciliations begin with physical meetings without greater expectations.

A meeting of passion with an ex can be appealing, and even as attractive as it is comfortable and familiar, but be careful! It can also be very dangerous if there is an asymmetry of feelings on the part of both members of the couple.

So, One of the parties may be very clear that they are only looking for sex and the other may interpret it as the first step to getting back together.. In this sense, for the second person, these encounters can mean prolonging suffering that sooner or later they will have to assume.