When we want to be alone

Most of us know loneliness from the “negative” lens. Being alone, however, has its benefits. Many feel better without company or surrounded by people, which is why research is beginning to investigate whether loneliness is healthy.

It is believed that all activities when done in a group, as a couple or as a family are more fun, from going to the movies to dinner, celebrating Christmas or having a coffee. Also exercise, walk in the park or go shopping. But, What is the problem with doing them alone? It is considered that this implies bitterness, depression, sadness and abandonment.

Why is loneliness associated with bad feelings in all cases? There are more and more cases of people who really enjoy the moments when they are not with anyone and even put aside family and social customs or traditions to be faithful to what is good for them. Do you think spending New Year’s Eve alone at home is crazy? Or is planning a vacation without the company of more than our luggage an absurd idea? Well, for hundreds, it is an experience that cannot be compared to anything.

Analyzing a little the reaction of each person to this idea of ​​“loneliness”, we must say that it is based on the fact that human beings were made to live in a society, surrounded by people. That’s why we fervently say and believe that loneliness is something negative no matter where you look at it. What about those who prefer to be alone without feeling depressed or sad? These are not hermits or antisocial beings, but rather people who want to enjoy their space and contact with their inner “I”.

On the opposite side, there are those who, out of fear of loneliness, make poor decisions, such as, for example, being in a relationship with the first candidate that appears on their path or being part of a group where they have nothing in common. but he remains in it, pretending to be someone he is not, just so as not to feel “alone.”

It is necessary, according to psychologist Cecilia Rodríguez Díaz, “know well the definition of loneliness and, at the same time, contemplate this issue as a completely personal and subjective experience.” There is a wide range of possibilities to perceive or overcome loneliness. The thing is that many times, one can be surrounded by people and feel very alone or not have anyone by one’s side and believe that one is accompanied.

Loneliness is related to a lack of close ties, networks, relationships, ties. Precisely, what we are experiencing today. It is very difficult nowadays to maintain close contact with others, even though we live in an era of technology, text messages, social networks and video calls.

Before answering that question, it is necessary to ask about the type of loneliness we are referring to. Experts say that there are different ones, it all depends on the essence and how that person feels about it, also if she is induced or “forced.” Each person will know why they prefer to be alone and what they experience at that moment, as well as what happens inside them when they are surrounded by others.

Some patterns that are maintained in the majority of cases of those who choose solitude: shyness, fear, difficulty relating, fear of rejection, of making mistakes or of getting hurt. So, they avoid going out with others, having groups of friends, talking. This triggers loneliness. Contrary to this, there are those who really prefer to be alone because they feel better that way, they consider that they are self-sufficient, that they do not need anyone else, that loneliness makes them less vulnerable, etc.

Among other types of loneliness, we can cite the cases of those who appear to love or like it, who do not care if they go weeks without speaking or seeing their loved ones, who seek to isolate themselves from the rest, who never get together for a while. birthday, who prefers solitary work, etc.

And finally, “circumstantial loneliness”, that is, that which can appear for different reasons, such as divorce or death. This is not something that is sought, but rather “falls from the sky”, therefore, it requires grieving and understanding the losses.

When is loneliness healthy?

Without a doubt, the most difficult thing to understand due to our conception as sociable and social beings, the need to live in community, to have a family, to “belong.”. It is more than difficult to understand or think that loneliness can also be synonymous with fulfillment or happiness, or in other words, with health.

Solitude can become a harmonious and very enriching experience, but without crossing the limits. It’s not about going to live alone in the middle of the mountains or stopping talking to our parents from one day to the next. It is based on dedicating certain moments of the day or week to simply being “with ourselves.”

The relationship with our inner self is very important and can only be achieved with solitude. For serving us? Well, for example, to recognize what happens to us before it becomes unbearable, to defend ourselves from what is happening around us, to listen to what the body tells us, etc.