When the fear of death doesn’t let us live

We are all clear that one day we will die. However, sometimes thinking about the end of our life translates into a feeling that can cause real terror for many. We can often see how people around someone who is going to die begin to feel very distressed and feel deep pain. On the other hand, death and the fear of it is for many the main reason why religions have survived centuries of history.

Sometimes, it is a reality so harsh that many prefer to get away from it and the rituals that surround it. But does this have anything to do with feel that our end is also near? That is to say, with the fear we feel when thinking that it will also come to us one day or of seeing in the dying a mirror of our own death? And it is that Death reminds us that we are vulnerable and finite, it tells our self that as it is known, regardless of whether it may evolve into another form, it will disappear.

However, some people magnify this feeling so much that a true phobia towards death can be created, turning fear into irrational panic, becoming completely intolerant of everything that has to do with the world of death.

One of the sources of confusion that exists around the fear of death is that, to a certain extent, it is adaptive because it makes us alert and prevents us from exposing ourselves to dangerous situations.. However, when it becomes extreme and becomes a phobia, it can be highly disabling. Thus, the paradox could arise that the fear of death is at the same time what prevents us from living.

Furthermore, the fear of death It can bring out many other fears such as: fear of pain, of darkness, of the unknown, of suffering, of nothingness… Feelings that imagination, traditions, stories have been transmitted from parents to children that make us torment ourselves. and not letting us enjoy life.

On the other hand, the death of someone close to us, in addition to reminding us of our own vulnerability, is accompanied by feelings of loss that undermine our cognitive defenses and make us more vulnerable to obsessive negative thoughts.

Regarding the origin of this fear, many specialists think that it exists because we have been taught to have it.. As? One of the ways we learn has to do with imitating what others do; So, for example, if we see someone quickly remove their hand from a place, we assume that there was some danger and we will take it into account so as not to put our hand there. Generalizing, if we see that someone fears something and we do not have more information, we assume that that something will be feared.

When fear has not yet become a phobia and it is simply a reactive thought and not disabling or conditioning, some of the strategies to control it are:

–Accept the idea. Death exists and you cannot change that; but what you do until that moment.

–firmly believe in something. Regardless of whether it is true or not, faith often has great transformative power.

-Put the attention focus elsewhere, do not allow your conscience to work with this fear or this thought. You can do it mentally (Ex: planning what you are going to do the next day) or behaviorally (Ex: calling your husband or wife to ask how your day is going).

If this thought begins to cause you great discomfort, the thoughts become recurrent and this fear begins to condition your life, you should consult a specialist.. In this sense, Mercedes Borda Mas, M.ª Ángeles Pérez San Gregorio and M.ª Luisa Avargues Navarro (University of Seville) have published an interesting work on this topic, which describes the application and evaluation of a cognitive treatment. behavioral in which activation control techniques, exposure techniques (exposure in imagination and live and flooding in imagination), as well as cognitive restructuring techniques were used.