When personalities clash: you and I are incompatible

When personalities collide, conflict, disagreement and discomfort arise.. There are those who point out that sometimes fate manages to force us to share scenarios with people with whom we do not get along. It happens at school, at work… Somehow, we almost always end up meeting someone who seems to be the complete opposite of ourselves.

Bad luck, maybe? Absolutely. The human being is so complex in terms of personality that It is almost inevitable that, from time to time, differences, differences and even antagonisms arise with some and with others.. Knowing how to live together is the master key in this type of situation. However, there is something decisive that we must consider.

Sometimes, these “clashes” of character do not only appear between figures who are outside our most intimate sphere. It is also common that sometimes our way of being comes face to face with a family member, a friend and even a partner. Suddenly, we can become fully aware that the person with whom we share life and projects is incompatible with us.

When personalities clash, what are the causes?

Carl Jung said that The main cause of conflict in everyday life was the antagonisms between the introverted personality and the extroverted personality.. This could be a hypothesis. After all, we all know what can exhaust or annoy us, for example, someone who is excessively open or reserved.

However, when personalities clash, they do so due to many more triggers than these two typologies. In fact, it is interesting to know that science has been interested in this topic for decades for compelling reasons. We know that many labor conflicts are motivated by differences in character and antagonisms. Thus, studies, such as the one published in the journal Natureby Dr. Kendall Powell, tell us something relevant.

Sometimes, these disagreements can stop the development of many careers, scientific advances in the laboratory, and even discoveries. A bad work environment is like toxic smoke that extinguishes motivation, creativity and performance. However why it happens? What is behind these character disagreements?

Beyond the way of being there is respect

We talked earlier about introverted and introverted personalities. Well, the truth is that this theory is not as important as we think. Beyond our way of being, there is the way we behave with others, and this is the real difference.

In this way, one can be very extroverted or less, defender of some ideas, some political tendencies or others, but if he knows how to respect others, knots will rarely form that cannot be undone. It doesn’t matter that we have a co-worker or a family member with a lifestyle very different from ours, if they know how to coexist, are receptive and respectful, there will not be excessive friction.

Difference in values

When personalities clash in a relationship and we say to ourselves “you and I are incompatible”, there is more than just a friction in terms of character. The difference in the respective values ​​of each one is what places one on one end and another on the other..

Defending antagonistic principles, being guided by different dimensions and not understanding those of the other generally mark major differences in any relationship.

When personalities clash because one of them is conflictive

Many of us will have experienced it on our own skin. Sometimes, we do not experience any problems working or sharing space with people who show a personality very different from ours. However, This changes when we encounter conflicting personalities..

In these cases, we are faced with a pattern of behavior that seeks expresslydifference, ignite discord and disagreement.

What can we do when our way of being is incompatible with someone else’s?

Our reality would be wonderful and enriching if we could take greater advantage of our personality differences. Each of us, in each of our particularities, is capable of offering others new perspectives with which to see the world from other prisms. Being different is not a problem, the problem is not accepting the difference.

Somehow, When personalities clash it happens because there is an excess of idiosyncrasy. It is that approach with which to make the other see that my truth is my only truth and yours is not valid. That unbearable friction comes when we fall into extremes and problems of coexistence. Therefore, it is always appropriate to reflect on some aspects:

You and I are incompatible, what do we do now?

Work, family, friendships and even relationships. There are times when we feel like we have reached the limit. We tell ourselves that we can’t handle each other’s way of being anymore… What can we do?

The first thing is to understand that personality differences should not equate to a conflict.. Feeling that we think differently and that we value things opposite to others does not have to lead us to conflict. It is enough to assume and accept that this relationship will not be able to give more of itself. Howard Gardner, psychologist and researcher at Harvard University, coined the interesting term “interpersonal intelligence.” Knowing how to handle ourselves in personality clash situations is a tool that we are obliged to develop. For it, For example, it is advisable to always examine one’s own internal psychodynamics.: Why is that person so difficult for me? Why does he make me angry, calm me down and “collide” with me?

Likewise, in those situations in which distance is not possible, such as in work settings, it is always good to try to focus on the similarities rather than the differences. We may be incompatible in many aspects, but that does not mean that we cannot coexist. and even to agree in small aspects.

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