When parents fail their own children

They talk about how children disappoint their parents.. However, when parents fail their own children, willingly or not, a more invisible veil is drawn. Thus, aspects such as lack of respect, support, attention or protection are silent consequences that often accompany us into adulthood in the form of wounds and shortcomings.

We know that neither the upbringing nor the education of a child are easy tasks. There are few courses and many challenges; Neither are prizes given to the best parents nor are the worst punished. The failures, like the successes, are silently imprinted on the lives of one’s own children and in the secrecy of the family fabric. Later, these little ones will grow and mature, dealing better or worse with everything they have experienced.

On the other hand, and as a curious fact, it should be said that On average, many parents tend to underestimate the influence they have on their children.. Thus, as explained by a study carried out in the psychology department at Stanford University, the impact that certain behaviors may have, the type of language used or even the way in which a person father or mother treats other people outside the family environment.

Raising a child is more than just providing support. A child also feeds on what he sees, what he hears and what he feels.. Nothing is left to chance in upbringing and education, everything is processed and integrated into one’s being in the form of a mark or a positive impulse for growth.

When parents fail their own children

Love is not always enough when it comes to creating a family: you have to know how to love. Sometimes, excessive affection leads to overprotection that hinders their emotional and personal development. Other times, that love that always seeks the best for the boy or girl, gives shape to an upbringing marked by iron guidelines, inflexible mandates and authoritarian education.

Parents fail their own children in many ways, often without realizing it. for a very simple reason: they have a distorted and unpedagogical vision of what affection is. Thus, the intelligent love of parents towards their children is that which promotes growth in all senses, especially the emotional and psychological: that which fosters autonomy and forms a secure and happy identity.

Now, even though on many occasions these parents do the best they can, it is not enough. And they do not achieve it for many different reasons. Let’s look at some of them.

immature parents

There are couples, men and women with a clearly immature personality that makes them incapable of raise your children properly. Irresponsibility, incoherence in educational guidelines, lack of habits and pedagogical strategies undoubtedly generate very complicated situations with serious consequences.

Parents with traumatic pasts

There are mothers and fathers who face parenting with the weight of a very obvious traumatic past. Sometimes, with the still tortuous memory of mistreatment, adversity or unresolved and still open wounds. All of this usually affects the quality of raising a child. It is clear that not all cases are the same, but in these situations very extreme behaviors usually occur.

There are parents who cannot digest the weight of their own traumatic childhood and project that disaffection onto their own children.. Others, however, still obsessed with that shadow of yesterday, tend to overprotect.

Parents who project themselves onto their children

Failed dreams, unfulfilled projects, unfulfilled ideals, unconquered goals… All that trace of frustration, sometimes stored inside a parent, finds hope with the arrival of a child. That’s when They begin to lay the foundations for their best project: to ensure that that boy or girl achieves what the father or mother could not in their day.

This educational dynamic completely denies the needs of the little ones, restricts their desires and even their own childhood and adolescence. It’s another way parents fail their own children.

Parents who do not know how to respond to the needs of their children

Just as we cannot choose our parents, they cannot choose us either. Children arrive with their own nuances, their own personalities, particularities and needs. Knowing how to respond to them in the best possible way is without a doubt the greatest obligation of every father and mother.

On the contrary, neglecting these needs or even vetoing them is an attack against the integrity of that child. So, Sometimes, after a child’s rebellious, rebellious or defiant behavior, there are often many unaddressed needs., unfilled voids and gaps that the upbringing of those parents has not been able to fill and resolve effectively. All of this is, without a doubt, another way in which parents fail their own children.

To conclude, we know that disappointments are marks that in some way we all carry on our backs. Sometimes they weigh and oppress us excessively, there is no doubt. Nevertheless, Those conscious or unconscious mistakes made by our parents do not have to veto or limit the quality of our life.

It is in our hands to forgive them or not, but knowing how to put aside the weight of yesterday to move through the present in the best possible way is, without a doubt, a primary obligation that we have before us. Other (and no less important) It is to prevent those mistakes made by our parents from affecting the upbringing of our own children. It is within our reach to make the past a learning experience that helps us build the best future.

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