When my partner gets angry and doesn’t talk to me, why does he do it?

When my partner gets angry and doesn’t talk to me, I don’t know how I should act. Do I apologize for something that perhaps I am not responsible for or do I better wait for him to “get over it” and resume the relationship again? This series of questions, as striking as they may seem to us, are asked daily by a large number of people.

So, One of the most complex situations is undoubtedly knowing how to handle discrepancies at the couple level.. We cannot forget that in the face of any difference, small disagreement and anger, emotions are magnified and remain on the surface.

In this way, those who are not skilled at communicating and managing that internal universe will undoubtedly end up in very complicated situations in their relationship. In this article we will talk about the reasons why your partner stops talking to you.

When my partner gets angry and doesn’t talk to me…

To understand the behavior of your romantic partner, it is necessary to distinguish three general categories of silence. Each one has their own motivations and their own way of dealing with it. It is worth noting that they are not the only ones that exist, but for reasons of space we will present only three.

1. Silence as a reflective space

Silence can be a useful space for a person to reflect on their emotions.. If requested, it is completely valid and understandable, as long as it is previously established. For example: “I’m angry, I need time to think about what happened.”

If the silence does not last too long, it does not have to be abusive. Instead, it can be a positive experience by allowing you to distance yourself from emotions and prevent situations from becoming too explosive.

When your partner stops talking to you to apply this type of silence, they do so for several reasons. Let’s look at some of them.

Avoid hurtful words

Your romantic partner can use silence to avoid hurting you by saying something in the midst of his anger. In this sense, you can also use it as a strategy for managing conflict that allows you to have time alone to reflect and analyze the situation.

Reflect on emotions and thoughts

Staying silent can help you calm down and identify your emotions and thoughts. before resuming verbal communication. By doing this, he can regain peace of mind, process what has happened, and converse with you more assertively.

Process the information

Another reason he uses silence is to process information and better understand your perspective.. This allows you to find effective solutions that take into account your points of view and needs. Additionally, it helps you better understand the causes of the problem.

2. Silence as a problem of affective regulation

Silence can also be associated with difficulty managing emotions. This behavior can be problematic, as it interferes with communication and mutual understanding..

By working on emotional regulation and assertive communication skills, your partner could overcome these types of behaviors. These types of changes have very positive effects for any relationship. Let’s look at some reasons for these silences.

Inability to manage emotions

A first cause may be related to the difficulty your partner has in regulating his emotions. When this is the case, you may be avoiding confronting your emotions and using silence as a form of escape.

Difficulties expressing feelings

In addition to the previous reason, Your partner gets angry and doesn’t talk to you because he doesn’t know how to express what he feels.. Because he is unable to regulate his emotions, he does not know how to express them to you assertively. This makes them stop talking to you at the expense of the benefits that emotional expression can have for their health.

Problems controlling your impulses

Emotions usually manifest themselves through behaviors, which can be difficult to control on certain occasions. If your partner has trouble regulating and controlling his emotional reactions, he may resort to silence as a way to avoid being dominated by his impulses.

3. Silence as manipulation

If your partner stops talking to you, they may do so as a form of manipulation, control, or punishment. This type of behavior is harmful to the relationship, as it can interfere with communication, understanding, trust, and your well-being.

provide a punishment

Of course, Perhaps the most common cause of silence in the context of arguments as a couple is applying the “law of silence” as an explicit way of punishing yourself. In these cases, your partner’s silence becomes a form of psychological abuse.

Get something you want

Silence can also be used as a manipulation strategy, where your partner uses it to get something they want, which restricts your freedom and autonomy. This can be uncomfortable and it is important to recognize this and set healthy boundaries in the relationship.

Shift responsibility

Your partner may stop talking to you to make you feel guilty about the problem. This tactic can make him or her present themselves as the victim and you as the one responsible, which may lead you to apologize or try to make amends with actions or attitudes that satisfy their demands.

The silent treatment and manipulation

There are many types of psychological abuse, some are cruder and others a little more sophisticated. Sometimes, it is possible that when your partner does not talk to you, he is applying the silent treatment. as emotional manipulation.

Whoever uses this law is aware of his actions and his intentions. Use silence to wear down the other, to project the weight of guilt onto the partner and then achieve their submission.

He also hopes that sooner or later the other party will come forward asking for forgiveness. In this context, Silence is, above all, a resource arbitrated by anger and manipulation: you have offended me and now you are going to receive your punishment.

What should I do when my partner gets angry and doesn’t talk to me?

Below we will leave you some recommendations so that you can learn to deal with silence as a reflective space and as a problem of affective regulation. If your partner stops talking to you as a form of manipulation, we recommend that you seek guidance from a psychologist who will provide you with coping strategies according to your case.

Keep in mind that the best action is the one that responds to the demands of the conflict and the type of silence your partner uses. Consequently, it is advisable that at first you carefully analyze the situation that both of you are going through.

1. Express what you feel

Let your partner know how you feel when he stops talking to you. An essential component of resolving conflict is talking about the emotions that the problem raises. Don’t stay silent and open a space for dialogue for both of you. If the other person doesn’t want to, talk to him or her when he or she is willing.

2. Be empathetic

Understanding your partner’s attitude and emotions is essential to get out of his silence, especially if it is reflective or a product of his difficulty regulating himself. In these cases, empathy is essential. In an article published in The Permanente Journal, James Hardee argues that to be empathetic it is necessary to:

Recognize and validate the feelings of others.Imagine what the other person might be feeling.Reaffirm the other person’s emotions by letting them know what you observe.Offer support.

3. Don’t despair and be patient

Give your partner time to recover from his or her emotion if he or she doesn’t want to talk to you right away. Don’t be impatient, but know that there is a difference between a brief moment of silence and no contact for weeks. In these cases you should prioritize your emotional well-being and think about whether it is convenient for you to continue with the relationship.

4. Avoid blame

If your partner gets angry and doesn’t talk to you, you should avoid internalizing the blame. Remember that you do it to reflect or because you don’t know how to manage what you feel. He may need time to process his emotions before he can talk to you and resolve the problem together.

5. Recognize your mistakes

If you accept that his anger has been the result of inappropriate behavior on your part, apologize and allow him to express what he feels. Acknowledging that you have made a mistake can help you come out of your silence.

Conclusion

Faced with the disconcerting situation of your partner not speaking to you when he or she gets angry, It is important that you identify the causes of their behavior so you can encourage him to solve it assertively.

Try not to accept the use of silence as a form of punishment or manipulation, or as a form of psychological abuse that can damage your emotional stability. Always express what their behavior makes you feel, what you think and expect.

Finally, remember that the best way to resolve conflicts is by talking, as well as letting the other person know that distancing yourself does not benefit the relationship in any way.

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