What to do when your partner ignores you: 10 reasons and how to act

We have all lived it.

You stay home, curled up on the couch watching Netflix, wondering what exactly he’s doing. Feeling nervous every time he uploads a new story and afraid to see what’s behind it.

Checking the mobile screen every 30 seconds in the hope of receiving a message.

Feeling ignored by your boyfriend is one of the most unpleasant feelings we can have in a relationship.

The most normal thing is that you feel hurt, or think that he does not care enough about you. And the sensations are more intense if you really care about him.

You can’t help but think: he supposedly loves me, he says he’s with me, but will he be interested in someone else?

A boyfriend who ignores you is one of the hardest things to deal with in any relationship.

At least if they get angry or argue you can tell what’s going on. But the emptiness, the uncertainty, the not knowing, I think it’s the worst.

When we decide to get involved in a relationship, we give the other the possibility of hurting us, if they decide to end us or act in some way that hurts us.

Intimacy creates vulnerability and increases the chances of feeling negative emotions. So there are people who choose to avoid it. It is possible that they have not learned to manage such strong emotions and so they create a shell.

But you should know that there are many reasons why your boyfriend may ignore you, and not all of them are red flags for your relationship.

There are as many realities as there are people and so many reasons why your boyfriend is not communicating at this time.

Here is the list of the top 10 reasons why he ignores you and what you can do about it.

1) He hates talking on the phone

From experience I tell you that most men will not use the phone when there is another way to communicate.

I’m sure even some men would rather build a fire and send out smoke signals than even contemplate making a phone call.

I really can’t stress this enough. Some men absolutely hate the phone.

He might be the talkativest person in the world sitting next to you on the couch, but put a phone in his hand and he’ll suddenly go silent, like a Buddhist monk.

This is much more common than you imagine.

Think about the conversations you have with friends or with your mother on the phone. Surely you talk about your day and what is happening in your life.

Now stop for a moment and try to remember the last time you heard your boyfriend make a phone call. Most likely it was less than 30 seconds long and focused on very specific details.

Something like:

“Hey buddy, what’s up? good. Do some reeds come out? Yeah? What time? Until then!”

What you can do: Understand and accept their differences

Post a reminder in your bedroom: “Men and phones don’t mix.”

Read Also: Twin Flames: 31 Symptoms You're Dating Your Twin Flame

Women view phone calls as a way to share information about how they feel.

For men it is only the most basic exchange, and of the minimum amount of information, that is needed to have a functional life.

Basically, if he hasn’t called you on the phone, there’s a good chance he’s not actually calling anyone.

If you want you can send him a text message or, better yet, wait to see him.

Surely when you ask him why he ignored your calls, he will seem puzzled.

2) He wants to be alone

We all have days when we feel tired of people. Where the most attractive thing we can imagine is a closed door, closed curtains and a bit of peace and quiet.

Being with people constantly can be exhausting, especially if you have a job that requires you to be social all day.

And that he can be comfortable in his own company is actually a great sign.

It shows that he’s an adult, that he’s happy with who he is, and that he’s confident enough not to spend every night driving you crazy.

We all want to be alone sometimes. If you’re constantly around other people, you’ll need to take time to recharge your batteries and have a little time for yourself.

I recommend John Gray’s book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus to understand when a man needs to go to his “cave.”

You will find the differences he mentions very interesting.

Also, being alone is not a sign of a sad or depressed person. In fact, more recently, scientists are recognizing the true value of solitude.

Alone time is healthy in many ways: it allows you to be creative, relax, and greatly develop your self-awareness.

What you can do: Give him his space without ignoring him

When people need space, the best thing you can do is let them have it.

It’s about acknowledging their needs instead of thinking about your own.

He will value this and your relationship will be much better.

If he is needing his space, perhaps you should do the same. Take advantage of connecting with yourself.

That way, when he’s ready to see you again, you’ll both feel recharged and ready to enjoy together.

It’s important that you don’t replicate his behavior by simply ignoring him as well. That would only sustain a dynamic that will push them further apart.

3) It becomes interesting

Men can evade you.

We all know the style: a man who seems unattainable, has a lonely and distant aspect to his personality. And somehow we believe that we will be the only person who will be able to conquer it.

You know it’s very attractive… but frustrating at the same time.

These men have been a part of our romantic fantasies for generations. If you’ve seen Pride and Prejudice, think of Mr. Darcy.

Read Also: How a Virgo man acts when he likes a woman: 13 signs

We see great potential for intimacy and connection, but they always remain tantalizingly out of reach.

The important thing to know about avoidant boyfriends is that while they may appear to the world as safe and aloof, deep down they are afraid.

Perhaps they have been hurt in the past and have developed a shield to keep them from getting hurt again.

If your boyfriend is like that, remember that he is putting up barriers not because he doesn’t care about you.

It is because exposing yourself and being vulnerable makes you uncomfortable.

You may also need to ask yourself why you chose a man who puts up barriers to intimacy.

Is getting too close to someone something that also scares you?

What you can do: Let him know what he means to you

You must see what are the reasons for that behavior, not just the way of acting itself.

And one of the reasons is often that men in the modern world are not always clear about their role in your life.

Here is something interesting that modern researchers propose.

Scientists and psychologists have been talking about a new theory in relationship psychology called the hero instinct.

What it basically means is that men have a deep-seated desire in their DNA to step up for the woman in their life and protect her.

They need to feel that they are offering her something that no other man can give them.

I know it sounds a bit dated. Women today can take care of themselves. They don’t need a hero in their lives.

But while you may not need a hero, men do have a deep need to feel like one.

The interesting thing is that the woman can activate this instinct in him.

There are phrases you can say, text messages you can send, and little requests you can make to make him feel like the hero of your life.

And when his hero instinct kicks in, a man is much more likely to commit to a deep, passionate, and long-lasting relationship.

4) He is mad at you

Agree, there is no point in ignoring this point. Maybe what you’re worried about is true. Your boyfriend is mad at you.

Angering our boyfriends is sometimes part of any relationship.

It is totally unrealistic to think that you can be in a long-term relationship with someone and never have a difference.

Remember, even though he is not talking to you, he is clearly trying to communicate something to you.

Only that he’s using silence to do it.

However, the problem with him ignoring you is that you are not a mind reader.

So at some point, the two of you will have to communicate in real words to understand and solve the problem.

Hopefully, once you’ve thought for a while, you’ll move from silent intercourse to more direct forms of communication so that you can resolve your differences as a couple.

Read Also: When two people like each other and are not together: 10 cases and what to do

Perhaps if you use the time to think for yourself, you will be able to figure out the reasons for his anger.

It’s a bit like losing your car keys. Can you walk back through your day to try to remember where you last saw them?

Try the same with your boyfriend. Did something happen the last time you saw each other? Have you been mean to him or made fun of something that you think is silly, but is important to him? Did you try to force a conversation that he just didn’t want to have?

What you can do: Avoid games and speak clearly

Remember that understanding their anger is not the same as accepting it.

This is about seeking to understand, not taking charge or taking responsibility for their anger.

Your boyfriend needs to own his own anger; you may have triggered it, but the anger belongs to him, not to you.

Changing the way you think and act in response to your anger, or to prevent you from becoming angry in the future, is not the answer. That would come very close to being tampered with.

He might want to use his anger as a weapon, but it’s up to you whether that weapon works or not.

If that’s the case, don’t sit around, be open, honest, and direct. Avoid mental games, do not fall into exhausting dynamics.

Send him a text. Even if he’s not talking to you, you can bet he’ll read it.

Tell him that you want to understand what is happening. Explain how ignoring you makes you feel. Avoid angry or emotional language, just express yourself calmly, clearly and calmly.

If all that doesn’t work, then maybe you should stop trying. Life is too short for endless guessing games to try and figure out why she rejects you like that.