What to do when the desire to have a child comes from the man

There are a thousand resources to attenuate the marks of time on women’s hair, faces and bodies: dyes, fillers, surgeries. But, with regard to reproductive biological clockthe passing of the years is relentless.

Women are born with all their eggs, which mature throughout their lives. Many are increasingly postponing maternity because of his career and other aspirations, such as buying his own home. When they realize it, there is little time left to fulfill that wish. After age 35, only half of women become pregnant naturally. Anxious, many have the distinct impression of hearing a tick. It’s the sign that you need to have a child, now. But what about the opposite: can this uncontrollable desire also happen to males? After all, does the biological clock also whistle for men?

no ultimatums

Not everyone can handle this issue so well. “Depending on the level of couple communication, fights can break out”, warns psychologist Antonio Carlos Amador Pereira. “Often, a woman decides she doesn’t want children and forgets that she is part of a couple. Each needs to put themselves in the other’s shoes. If the woman, for example, proposes to think about the matter and the two together set a deadline, both will calm down and the relationship will be strengthened.”

Magdalena Ramos, a couple and family therapist from São Paulo, observes that the subject comes up naturally during the dating period, only in the form of a project to be implemented. “But early in the marriage, you and your partner should start making plans and setting goals about the best time for marriage. coming from a child🇧🇷 Time passed in the window and nothing happened? At first, neither the man nor the woman should make irreversible statements. “It is necessary to give the other a reasonable amount of time to mature the idea”, explains Antonio Carlos. And if the woman feels that the will to be a mother will not come? In that case, the only way out is honesty. “She has to be frank and try not to act selfishly, leaving her partner free to make that dream come true, if the yearning for parenthood is greater than the complicity between them”, says Magdalena.

An observer of major social changes, Rio de Janeiro anthropologist Mirian Goldenberg believes that the paternity tends to become as important a choice for men as it is for women. “More and more, he doesn’t want to be a mere breeder or provider. He wants to actively participate in the decision of whether or not to have a baby and in the children’s lives, ”he analyzes. According to specialists, however, the uncontrollable desire to have children usually appears later in males, perhaps because they are not so culturally pressured. “Our society forces women to have children so they don’t feel like failures. In other countries, this does not happen”, explains Mirian.