What to do when the child says a bad word?

The teacher goes to the bathroom and, when she returns to the room, she finds a curse word written on the blackboard. Instead of lecturing her, she lists all the nice ways to say the same thing. This situation actually occurred, and the teacher’s response to the students’ provocation impressed the pedagogue Maria Angela Barbato Carneiro, coordinator of the Center for Culture, Studies and Research on Play at the Pontifical Catholic University of São Paulo (PUC-SP). “She dismantled the children!”

For her, instead of repeating “you can’t say that” all the time, parents should help their children to express themselves in other ways. She can’t always be as direct as the teacher in the example: –small children don’t understand that. But it is possible to say what we think without saying a single curse word.

7 answers to your biggest questions

1. What to do when the child uses bad language for the first time?

If it wasn’t said very clearly, it’s even worth pretending you didn’t hear it so as not to call attention to the fact. But if it was loud and clear, explain that it’s ugly and point out other words she can use to vent anger or euphoria. “The parents can suggest lighter words for her to express her feelings”, says Maria Angela.

2. What if she keeps saying inappropriate words?

“Then parents have to impose rules, limits. “They can take something that the child likes, for example”, says the specialist from PUC-SP. An idea? Forbid your child to see cartoons. But you have to fulfill the agreement, however much the punishment hurts you! He has to know that, in fact, he is going to lose something if he continues to disobey.

3. Should parents explain what the swear word means?

When the child is small, he already knows that it is not correct to speak, but most of the time, he has no idea what he is saying. She may even know in what situation that is said, but she does not understand the meaning. Better not to explain so as not to reinforce the use of the curse word. From 7 or 8 years old, it is already possible to turn this moment into learning. “”At this stage, the child begins to use the dictionary, and you can take advantage of it and search together with him for words that can replace the heavy word”, teaches Maria Angela.

4. When does the child start swearing?

“Usually very small. “At 2 and a half or 3 years old, she already repeats a bad word”, explains the pedagogue. Just start talking better, and the risk is already there. Fix it early.

5. Do kids use more profanity today than they used to? Because?

“The words that the child learns have no relation to modern times. “Language is linked to the environment where it lives”, says Maria Angela. That is, if the family swears more, the children tend to speak too. But, according to the specialist, some children and adolescents manage to separate things: they use bad words at school, but not at home.

6. If parents don’t use profanity, should they keep the child away from the person who swears?

It is not necessary. “When it’s someone from the family or a close friend, parents can talk and ask not to speak in front of the child”, advises the pedagogue. After all, your child cannot be isolated from the world, but you can’t let swearing become a habit for him either.

7. Adults often find it funny to hear a child swear. Is it okay to laugh?

It could be the most horrible word in the world, but said by that cutie… If you think it’s funny and you can’t control yourself, prevent the child from noticing it. She doesn’t understand that it was an impulse reaction. You may think you’re pleasing and then you’ll repeat the curse word many times.

Magic word!

“”A tip that works with young children is to invent with them a completely different and ‘messy’ word for them to use when they want to vent their anger or some disappointment”, explains the pedagogue. This way, your child can “curse” without actually cursing and without everyone staring at that cute being saying mean things.