What to do when someone yells at you in anger

When someone yells at you in anger, your brain suffers. A sense of alarm is activated in you that urges you to escape or respond in the same way: with more anger. You do it by shouting louder to defend yourself and wanting to return that psychological blow to the other. At some point, we have all been in this same situation, the one in which someone communicates with us in a violent way.

This type of dynamic may have been common in our childhood. There are fathers and mothers who yell at their children and who are unaware of the effect that this practice has on children. We may also be in a relationship in which the other person frequently resorts to shouting. What’s more, we may even have a loud boss.

It is not easy to live in a context in which this type of dialectical aggression is frequent. However, this reality is even more problematic when they shout at us out of anger, because of that form of hostility and physiological excitement that, sometimes, generates fear in us… What can we do in these cases?

There are those who, due to learned patterns, think that shouting is justified.

Strategies you can apply when someone yells at you in anger

People scream frequently and we do it for the most diverse reasons. The scream is an emotional expression, both for positive states (such as joy) and negative ones.. We resort to screaming to alert others in situations of panic or danger, and we vent with this resource when we experience severe pain.

The problem with this type of expression is that it does not go unnoticed by our brain. A study from the University of Geneva, for example, reveals something important. We are programmed to react to voices that are expressed at a higher pitch than normal. The brain processes screams as alarm signals, such as the proximity of potential danger.

This explains why, on average, we experience three reactions when someone communicates with us by shouting. There are those who feel the desire to attack (or respond in the same way). Others get stuck, and most feel the need to escape.

These responses are the instinctive mechanisms with which we act in the face of danger. Therefore, When someone yells at you in anger it is logical to feel threatened or scared because it is a clearly violent type of communication.

What to do in these cases?

1. Keep your mind calm, take a breath and set a psychological distance

The person who is yelling at you is probably used to communicating that way.. Either due to patterns learned from your family or due to a simple inability to control your emotions. Be that as it may, it is something natural for him or her and the most common thing is that he or she seeks to condition you so that you meet his or her expectations.

Do not let that happen. Stay calm and, above all, do not get carried away by anger. Prevent everything from escalating. Detach yourself from that situation, breathe deeply and visualize a relaxing image in your mind.. Mark your distance so as not to get carried away by that verbal violence.

2. Take a step back and walk away. The screamer does not seek to communicate, he seeks to attack

When someone yells at you in anger, you should remind yourself of this simple mantra: ““I don’t deserve this kind of abuse.”. It is important to internalize this idea. Because, often, just as there are those who get used to communicating with shouts, there are those who get used to being shouted at. It happens when we have a father or mother who has always done it.

Also, when we are in a relationship in which our partner frequently resorts to screaming. It is necessary that we protect ourselves, that we take a step back to end this situation. Because communicating with a raised tone of voice and anger does not solve anything, but rather hinders it. So, It is completely legal for us to choose to turn around and leave.

Whether in person or through other channels, no one should speak to us in anger and raising their voice.

3. Demand that this situation not be repeated again

It is very likely that your interlocutor will not take well to the fact that you choose to walk away when he yells at you.. For that person, it is common to raise his voice, he has normalized it, it is part of his communicative registers. However, someone must break that dynamic. Someone must make him see that screaming hurts, that raising your voice is a form of violence and that no dialogue is productive in this way.

Move that conversation to another time when moods and emotions are more relaxed.. Your interlocutor must understand this and must understand that this situation cannot be repeated again. If we don’t set limits on the yeller, he will normalize and assume that he can communicate with us that way. Let’s not allow it.

Let us set an example with our dialogue, our attitude, with our treatment, tonality, good manners and assertiveness. It doesn’t matter to us if the other person drops comments like “I can’t help it” and “that’s just who I am.” Let’s explain the effects that this type of communication has on us., what we feel and how we process this form of verbal violence. None of us deserve to be yelled at.

Let us always remember that where there is shouting, there is no wisdom, there is ignorance and violence.

You might be interested…