What to do when a friend tells you they are sad

Has it ever happened to you. A friend tells you that he is sad, that today has been a bad day and the first thing you think about is “rescuing him.” You want to clear away at all costs those dark mists that grip you. There are those who make a plan and do not hesitate to get the sad person out of the house, who puts all their efforts into making a smile appear on his lips, and shifts attention from his problems to more trivial realities.

And indeed, sometimes it works… But in an ephemeral and temporary way. Because Sadness is not like the dirt that you clean from your glasses to better see what surrounds you.. Sadness is like the anchor of a ship, it runs you aground on the coast of sadness for a time to force you to transit its island of loneliness for a few hours or a few days.

It is true that no one is obliged to be an expert in this matter of adequate emotional support. However, If we really want to help someone, it is good to have a small instruction manual on hand, a psychological first aid kit with which to not hinder or further intensify the discomfort of others.

Sadness is a normal emotion, there is nothing wrong with it. It is not good to expect someone to separate or repress it.

When a friend tells you they are sad, do this

Mario Benedetti rightly said that he never thought that there would be so much sadness in happiness. Of all the emotions on the human spectrum, being sad is something inherent to life itself. It is true that it bothers us, that it hurts like a thorn stuck in the skin, that it is an indefinable weight or a void in the chest that we do not know how to fill. However, it is a normal, permissible and necessary state.

Unlike depression, sadness is another part of our psychological reality and has a very clear purpose. It forces us to stop to start an introspective process with which to find new meanings. The brain wants us to sneak into our reflection shells to face that disappointment, that loss or the latest disappointment…

When that emotion knocks on our mental door, we do not have to raise any psychological barrier. You don’t have to encapsulate it or displace it by thinking or doing happier things. It will always be there if we do not attend to it, like the bad smell of that room that we never ventilate. Therefore, if a friend tells you that she is sad, it is always appropriate to do the following.

Ask your friend what he needs

When a friend is dealing with their sadness, they don’t need us to save them or solve their problems for them. Let’s also avoid acting without thinking. While our first reaction may be to go second to your house, let’s first ask what you need.. Let’s not be invasive, let’s not generate more stress with our good intentions.

The most appropriate thing is to know what that friend wants from us. For our part, it is advisable to point out to him that he has us for whatever he needs. Let’s make sure you feel our understanding, empathy and closeness.

Promotes emotional relief

Let’s say that friend tells us that yes, he needs to talk to us. In these situations it is good to keep in mind once again that our job is to be good support. It will not always be in our hands to be the solution to the problem, the band-aid to the pain or the answer to the pain that that friendship carries.

The most important thing to help someone who goes through sadness is knowing how to listen. This means not judging, not explaining what we would have done in their place, and even less so, undervaluing the discomfort of that friendship.To provide comfort, we maintain eye contact at all times. Let us transmit empathy and closeness and understanding.Let’s avoid giving false hope. Many times, what worries our friend has no solution. Therefore, let us not advance realities over which no one has control.Let’s facilitate emotional relief, Let’s create an environment of comfort so that if the person needs to cry, they do so.

Provides support with tasks, while giving yourself time for solitude and introspection

When a friend tells you they’re sad, they might spend a few days clinging to their couch.. Intertwined with the sheets. Or even wandering around the house, neglecting their obligations. That disconnection and apathy is part of sadness itself. The anatomy of this emotion affects energy, consuming it to elevate introspection and reflection.

Thus, during those days, we do not hesitate to lend our help to fulfill his or her tasks. Let us also not hesitate to give you some resource with which to facilitate the management of that emotional state. A journal where you can write or draw or even a book can be helpful.

Social support is the best ally when human beings go through difficult times.

Supervise, sadness is a specific emotion that should not become a persistent tenant

Sadness, by itself, is not the basis of a depressive disorder, but it is part of it. What does this mean? Well, when a friend tells you that they are sad, the usual thing is to assume that theirs will be a transitory state, a few days of depression that, sooner rather than later, will disappear when the person adopts a new approach and regains their desire, spirit. , the illusion.

However, If that friend persists in his discouragement, in his apathy, and his sadness is increasingly devoid of hope, we must recommend that he seek specialized support. A study from the Paris Descartes University indicates that persistent sadness is a central symptom of depression.

Thus, it never hurts to monitor the emotional state of that friendship. Let’s do it without invading, without generating pressure. Let’s make use of affection, closeness and complicity. Let’s be that helping hand that knows how to be there, but at the same time does not hesitate to hold when the other’s strength fails.

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